Poppy Champlin: Lets Talk Olympics

Poppy Champlin Sochi Olympics Curve

I didn’t boycott the Russian Olympics. Didn’t have to The opening ceremony did it for us. That one, far left, top, Olympic Ring, that is part of the Universal Symbol of the Olympics, did not descend and take it’s place with the rest of the rings.

It was saying “No, if Gays are not allowed to show their face then I will not show mine!” – Oh look something is missing Mr. Putin!

Without that ring of equality the whole symbol looses it’s meaning and impact. So, I didn’t boycott the games, I now watch almost every night and have a few questions…and or observations.

Most of the Olympic games are very exciting; the skiing, the skating, snowboarding they really challenge the athletes stamina and abilities, but curling? Really? I mean what is next, spooning? Forking? Napping? How about hopscotch? Or just drinking scotch, on the rocks. There’s ice involved. The curlers don’t even break a sweat. I don’t get it.

And what’s up with the two-person bobsled team? What is the person in the back doing? They jump in and immediately duck down. I mean they are not even looking, not watching not helping at all.  They’re just down there, cooking, weaving, reading, what are they doing? Texting? Maybe they’re bobbing for apples, hence the name “bobsled”.

Okay, how about the Biathlon? – What is up with that? It’s cross-country skiing but then stopping to lie down and shoot at targets. What? Why? Shooting a rifle?  How about a little shoveling! That seems a bit more appropriate – skiing cross country and then stopping to shovel a car out of the snow, in the parking lot.  That takes muscle and maneuvering and precision. I learned from experience that you can get over zealous and puncture the tire with the shovel.

Oops, sorry Mom.

And how about our poor speed skaters? Not doing to well.  I hear they are having a problem with their suits.  They didn’t have much time to practice with them.  They are made of some special flame retardant – bullet proof – gay repelling, mylar material, made by NASA or something like that  – and none of the skaters like them.

They’re not colorful or pretty like the other countries suits.  No, these are all black. The evil empire suit. Darth Vader suit. They look like a giant skating seal.   The skaters think the suit is jinxing their performances.  If you look at them very closely, you will see the inner thighs have patches of grey material.

And if you listen very very closely, every time their legs pass each other, which is at least 200 times per race, those patches barely rub together and you can hear a faint noise that they’re making:  “Sochi – Sochi – Sochi” – Ingeniously made by NASA, but, I think it is distracting them. Plus their legs are getting hot.

Well that’s all for now – Go USA.