Poppy Champlin: Into the Woods At Michfest 2014


Workshops and Porta Potties.

What kind of shopping do lesbians like to do?

That’s right, work shopping – and Mich Fest now in it’s thirty eighth year, is right around the bend.  There are more workshops at Michfest than you can shake a dowsing stick at.  I went to a Wicca workshop once.

I thought I was going to learn how to make furniture.  No, I learned how to turn a toad into a stool.  There are all kinds of workshops; How to make dildos using twigs and berries and native mosses.  Breast casting and a “how to” demonstration on self exams – I found out I was doing my girlfriends exam wrong….You’re not supposed to use your mouth. Oops.

Next year I want to lead a workshop called healing ways. Hey, they say laughter is the best medicine, it’s great, when my sciatica acts up I just laugh into it.

The first time I went to MichFest, I cried a lot.  It may have been the estrogen talking. It was so hard for me to get my bearings.  The first night I was at the movie tent and I was literally shown the ropes by a young girl all of the age of eight.  It was her eighth time at Michfest.

Yes, she was born on the land – She was being chaperoned that night by her uncle Scout.  This little girl told me about flashlights you wear on your head so you have both hands when you are in the Porta-Jane.

They don’t call them porta-Johns.  Later that night when I had to use the Jane, I stepped into this large green plastic toilet container and the door immediately sprung closed behind me – Slam!  I’m standing in total blackness. I can’t see my hand in front of my face – Don’t panic – You can do this, okay calm down  – just do it and get out.

So I do a 180, pull down my pants do the prerequisite air squat, hover and pee freely.  About half way through, as I was starring into the abyss in my sensory deprivation porta potty, I remember thinking, you always hear the noise the pee makes hitting the water down below, but this is strangely quiet, – then I realized …the lid is down!

What? The LID IS DOWN! I am peeing all over this potty. It’s a rolling river of pee, on the floor, it’s spraying up onto my shorts, into my shoes and socks – it was a total mess, I was in portahell in portaJane number 562.  Oh great.  Where is that little kid? Where is my headgear? Help Scout!! Tonto? Anybody.  Is there a workshop for this?  Turns out there was, this morning at 11:00 AM.

How to pee standing up demonstraion using The Pstyle.  Damn, I missed it.