In Your (Dirty) Dreams!

In Your Dreams!

What your sex-filled sleep is telling you.

Having orgasms whilst floating in space, suddenly realizing your neighbors are watching you masturbate, or sleeping with HER?! We’ve all had sex dreams – from the fantastic fantasy to the total “WTF was that?!”. Though the average adult spends 8% of their dreaming time on the dirty deed, the dirtiest dreams are actually pretty clean as far as what they’re trying to tell you.

Sex with someone random or unappealing: You don’t really want to bang that weirdo who always stares at you in class. But that person’s got a quality you admire and want for yourself. Maybe that weirdo’s acing Feminism 101 or maybe you secretly want to be a weirdo, too.

You and your real-life partner want to do it…bad…but just can’t find a place to get down: This represents a loss of intimacy in your relationship and is commonly dreamt right before a break-up. But it doesn’t always mean the end. Examine your relationship for conflicting goals or interests that could cause future obstacles.

Cheating on your mate: You’ve probably just taken a major leap with your partner like moving in. You don’t necessarily regret it, your brain’s just letting you process those normal “What ifs” and “The exit sign will illuminate in case of a lovemergency right?”.

Your mate cheating on you: Are you feeling resentful and emotionally abandoned about something? You should probably address it.

Knocking the stylishly hard-femme boots with Ruby Rose (or some other beautiful celebrity): Well, part of you probably wants to do her for real. But also, if you’re single and have been feeling especially down about your solo-status lately, your brain’s giving you a kick of confidence to ask that real-life Ruby out on a date (finally). If you’re coupled up, Ruby Rose has got a desirable trait your mate lacks. Like striking eyes. Or sexy tattoo-covered arms. Or gender-bending swagger. Or…y’know, something deeper than that.

Public sex: If this dream gives you sexy stage-fright, you’re paranoid that people are bad-mouthing your real-life relationship. And there’s probably good reason why. If you’re loving the lime-light, you’ve got a spicy, satisfying sex life you’re dying to brag about.

Flying whilst getting freaky: Last night’s booty call must’ve been pretty fantastic because your brain’s celebrating some mind-blowing sex or emotional high by providing you with similar, thrilling sensations of climax through faux-flight.

Getting 50 Shades with your boss: No, you’re not titillated by toupees. You just want to be more authoritative and assertive.

Keeping it in the family: Gross!! Good thing this really just symbolizes your attempt to resolve family conflict or failures in your real-life, non-incestuous romantics.

Sex with the ex: This is your attempt at resolution or, if you’ve already happily moved on with another, thing’s might be getting a little boring and you want to stir the pot.

Pursuing someone off-limits: Canoodling with your friend’s partner? Ugh! How could you?! Actually, you just wish your own partner or relationship had a quality you see in that of your friend’s.

Straying from gaying: There’s plenty of commentary around going gay in a straight person’s sleep – girl-on-girl indicates a celebration of femininity and occurs more frequently during pregnancy while guy-on-guy usually happens directly following a dude’s struggle with his lady. As for us queers, having heterosexual dream sex just isn’t analyzed. I guess we just have our wet dream and move on?

Masturbation: Book the spa because you haven’t been taking care of yourself.

Visions of vibrators: Dreaming of sex toys either means you’re unsatisfied with something or your subconscious is poking fun at you by drawing attention to the playful part of sex. Lighten up!

Threesomes: Again, what are you lacking? If you’re third wheel’s feminine, it’s something emotional. If masculine, it’s physical.

But then again, maybe all these sex dreams just mean you really need to get laid.