My girlfriend and I have decided—or perhaps we decided somewhat by default quite a while ago, which is why we are still together—we don’t need a relationship that is less than wonderful.
I’ve come to find that I really like spending a lot of time with my girlfriend. It may sound funny since we have been in a monogamous relationship for over a year at this point, but I never saw myself wanting to spend more time with one other person than spending time alone ever again. I mean c’mon, I’m 46 years old and “set in my ways” some of which are pretty quirky.
But, this realization also does not mean isolating ourselves from the world, hibernating together or being a reclusive, nesting lesbian couple who never goes out without other people—either together or apart.
It simply means we communicate very well, our needs are being met, we are both quite enjoying the ongoing process of continuing to get to know each other, and—we rock together.
However, wonderful is not to be confused with “perfect.” Relationships of any kind take work. Even as individuals, if we want to grow we invest in ourselves—whether it is therapy, education, training, pursuing a passion or all of those.
Also, I really don’t think “work” is the right word. One of the main kinds of “work” couples (romantic, business, etc.) need to do is communicate. And the more you do communicate, the easier the “work” gets.
This has been the key to the success and fun of our relationship. Because while communicating doesn’t mean you will necessarily have a long-term relationship, it sure is a positive way of gathering information to determine what kind, how long and what-not in terms of developing a relationship.
I think I’ve found what and who I am looking for—not that I was really looking, rather I stumbled upon a really terrific gal with whom I now will agree to nothing less than wonderful.
And, for others, I want to emphasize how critical open and honest communication is to a relationship—of any sort. Through communication, you may find out you are not compatible—so much so it would be a really unhappy situation to commit to. Sometimes you discover “incompatibilities” that you can work with (negotiate) and can go onto (or continue) a relationship.
And what is “commitment” anyhow? Really, it is being there during hard times for anyone we consider our friend, or family, or lover, or business partner, etc.
Commitment is a basic humanitarian thing we are capable of—being compassionate to others around us. Commitment is not about staying in a hopelessly dysfunctional or incompatible relationship, but rather working through tough times with those we are/have committed to.