My daughter and I may not have the same genetics, but we are alike in so many other ways.
When my wife and I first decided that we wanted to have a child and embarked on the process of choosing a donor, I was kind of stubborn. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to contribute any genetics to our child, so I wanted to at least pick a donor who resembled me in some way, shape or form. I wanted him to have the same color eyes and hair, the same cultural background, and the same career and interests.
I soon found out how difficult it is to find a “perfect” match.
I’m five-foot-three with blue eyes, brownish-blonde hair and a stocky build. My background is Italian, English, Scottish and German. Understandably so, it was impossible to find a guy with the exact same qualities and I was getting frustrated with the process. The truth is I was worried that the child wouldn’t look anything like me and that it would somehow hurt our relationship in the long run.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Eventually, I softened my stance and we ended up choosing a donor who had some of my looks, some of my background and some of my interests. The result was a beautiful and healthy little girl who continues to grow and learn, and astounds me in so many amazing ways to this day. I look at her and I don’t see the donor. It never even crosses my mind. When I look at her, I see my child. MY child.
My daughter and I may not have the same genetics or even the same looks. But we are alike in so many other ways. We are both stubborn, for one thing. But we are also kind and sensitive. We both love to use our imaginations, play games and do puzzles. We both have a sense of adventure and love turning mundane tasks, like sweeping, into fun-filled activities. We both love music—singing, listening and falling asleep to it. We both love hugs. We even have some of the same mannerisms. And I recently found out a weekend or so ago, that we both have an affinity for climbing trees.
I never realized how little genetics matters when it comes to establishing a bond between parent and child. But I should have known better. My wife is adopted. I often forget this fact because she and her mother had such a wonderfully close relationship and their bond was undeniable.
My daughter and I have the same bond. And to me, it’s absolutely perfect just the way it is.