Is coming out worse than staying in?
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: When I came out to my Christian family, they kicked me out that very night. For the next year, I received phone calls from my parents begging me to repent and come home and letters from my younger siblings telling me they missed me and asking me why I left.
Sadly, the girl I was dating was dishonest and immature, so the relationship didn’t last. By this time, I was so desperate to see my brothers and sisters, I decided to tell my mom it was all a mistake. It’s been so good to get to see my siblings again.
Last year, however, I met an amazing woman who makes me feel completely loved. I want to share her with my family, but I can’t because my mom and dad have said they’d completely cut me off if I ever “fall back into that.”
My sister told me the same thing. Juggling my two lives is very difficult, and I would just tell them and deal with it, but I absolutely cannot put my siblings through that again. The stress of coming up with lies to placate my family is wearing me out. Last week I was diagnosed with MS, too, and I am so scared about what to do now. — The Closet Is Killing Me
Lipstick: Wow, if there was a way I could give you a hug right now, I would. There is no easy way out of your situation. You have two choices: speak your truth and deal with the fallout or stay in this toxic mess and watch it (most likely) destroy this new love.
You say you don’t want to put your brothers and sisters “through that again,” but what about your needs? Your quality of life? Your happiness? Don’t they count for something? Eventually, your family will realize they’re going against Jesus’ grain by judging you so harshly.
Hypocrisy is the bane of society. Closet Girl, you are far more courageous than you realize, so grit your teeth and face this wrath. Your family loves you and the world is changing faster than I can type, so be hopeful, be strong and believe in who you are. Also, check out this online resource for support www.whosover.org.
Dipstick: Lipstick is right—you need a hug. But you’re going to need a whole lot more than that right now. I’m worried about your health. Rarely would I advise someone to stay in the closet, but if by coming out you lose your family’s support forever, then maybe, in this instance, it’s not worth it.
I need to know that you have the resources to face chronic illness. Do you have good medical insurance, financial resources to get you through if you can’t work, and an extended network of friends who will support you if you need it? Talk to your doctors.
Get a good therapist. The stress from your strained relationship with your family could very well be making your illness worse. Here’s a hug from me, too.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I recently met a girl online and things are going great. We only have one problem: She has a girlfriend. I’m really beginning to fall for her, and whenever I bring up the topic of her girlfriend she shrugs it off. Should I move on or wait until they break up? I’m beginning to feel like a mistress. — SuzyQ75
Dipstick: That’s because you are a mistress. At least she told you she has a girlfriend. Be thankful for that. Either she’s poly or a player. Even though I give her props for disclosing the girlfriend, she’s not being honest with you about her intentions. Time to drop her like your old dial-up connection.
Lipstick: Cack! While I think the Internet is a great place for singles to meet each other, what’s happening here is an online cancer in our community. Unless you want to get hurt, stay away from this double-dipping dyke.
Find someone who’s actually available and you’ll have much more fun getting to know her and imagining your life together. Besides, when you finally do meet one day, you won’t have to wear a bulletproof vest or keep your eye on the bushes for her girlfriend.
Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I only recently came out and haven’t wanted to date anyone yet because I don’t know what the etiquette is
surrounding body hair. I don’t like removing my body hair, but I do trim. Is the lesbian community more open to female body hair than the heterosexual world, or am I still going to be unusual? — Hirsute in East Hempstead
Dipstick: Welcome to the lesbian world, where hairy is hot! Don’t worry, you won’t have any problems attracting women with bushy pits and furry legs. As a matter of fact, for most lesbians, the extra hair is a turn-on. You may find one or two gals who are still waxing their bush, a holdout from their closeted sorority days, but take notice when you’re dancing at the dyke bar—you’ll practically see pubes poking out of their designer jeans.
Lipstick: I’m not sure what gorilla planet you’re living in, Dipstick, but it’s not my gay world. You get turned on when you see pubes poking out of jeans? [Chill down my spine.] Not this lezzie!
Dipstick: Forget what Lipstick says and just make sure to do what feels comfortable. After all, it’s the self-confident swagger that’s going to bring the girls to your yard, not how neat your shrubs are.
Lipstick: Hirsute, don’t listen to Dipstick. She’s stuck in the ’80s, and we are in two very different bushy corners on this issue. Since you’re a self-proclaimed trimmer, why not try one of these muff-dos for your first hookup?