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FeedBlow Her Mind
Dear Fairy Butch: My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years, which seems incredible since we’re both in our early 30s. We have a very satisfying sex life, but I have one issue. My partner has a fantasy that she’d like me to fulfill. She’d love for me to give her a blowjob while she wears a strap-on. She tells me it’s about the role-playing aspect and she’d love to know how it feels. I love my butch and would like to oblige this fantasy, but I’m stumped. I have no idea what to do. She was my first sexual experience ever, which she knows. What would be the best way to do this for her without coming off as looking, or feeling, ridiculous and stupid? — Loving Partner in Pittsburgh
Dear Love: Darling, the key to giving an awesome strap-on blowjob lies as much between the eyes as it does between the thighs. It’s no wonder you might feel timid at first—not only do you lack experience, but the sometimes mystical act of strap-on cocksucking can be rather confounding to some. But even though you won’t be stimulating a flesh and blood cock, you can still engage her physically. Why does she want you to perform this feat for her? In addition to the actual physical sensations a strap-on blowjob can elicit, the imagery involved—you perhaps kneeling before her, stroking her thighs with her cock bobbing in and out of your mouth—can be quite powerful and pleasurable indeed.
In my book, The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A Complete Resource for Women and Men, I devote a chapter to finding the “inner dick,” and dildo fellatio is an especially good time for both of you to envision that hunk of silicone or PVC as a material expression of a psychic reality. For those minutes or hours in which you’ll be involved in the endeavor, do what you can to envision the piece as her real cock. This works best, by the way, with a realistic dildo, complete with head, shaft, veins and balls.
Make sure that the base of the dildo is solidly connected to your lover’s vulva. Use your lips and tongue to caress the head of the cock, lick the shaft, grab the base and tap it against your lips and face. Do all the things that you think might feel good, including licking the underside of the shaft, tonguing the balls and kissing the head gently. When you really start to get going, suck the head as you stroke the shaft rhythmically and press the base into her pussy. This is where the visual and the physical sensations of the act really come together! Your butch may enjoy a finger or two in her vagina or anus, though she may well prefer them left alone in order to preserve the fantasy of altering her gender.
Here’s to your first blowjob, my dear. May you and your partner enjoy it in good health!
Dear Fairy Butch: I am engaged to enter into a long-term commitment (via nuptial ceremony) with my lover of nine months and we are planning to continue with our monogamous relationship. I am in my early 30s and she is in her mid 40s. One issue that we expect to be facing soon is her menopause. I am curious about what effects that might have on our sex life. — Connoisseur of Older Women in Connecticut
Dear Connoisseur: Well, sugarplum, I’m not going to lie to you: Certain changes affecting sexuality do occur in postmenopausal women. Yet there are remedies as well as ways of relating to these changes. First, let’s get to the changes that occur in some women. These are: a) vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal lining b) lessening of the libido, and c) less intense orgasms and the need for increased stimulation in order to get to orgasm.
Now, let’s get to those remedies. Vaginal dryness can be readily dealt with through the application of Astroglide or K-Y Jelly, and local estrogen creams can decrease vaginal thinning without influencing hormone levels throughout the body. If juicing things up doesn’t solve the issue, systemic estrogens in the form of pills and patches can be used. The lowest effective dose should be used and progesterone can be added to protect the uterus. Small amounts of testosterone can often boost a woman’s flagging libido and orgasmic intensity.
Attitudes can be restructured to accommodate postmenopausal women’s changing bodies. Some folks find the extra time and attention required to reach orgasm a great time to cuddle and connect with their partners. Also, many women really come into their own at the time of menopause, having developed increased sexual skill and confidence, as well as a greater sense of emotional security. For more info, check out thirdage.com and ourbodies-ourselves.org.
Fairy Butch is the author of The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex: A Complete Resource for Women and Men. E-mail fb@fairybutch.com with your queries.
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Reader Comments:
one more suggestion that i'd add for the folks thinking about menopause.
silicone lube.
sometimes when we experience vaginal dryness, waterbased lube just doesn't cut it. but silicone lube won't dry out and won't be absorbed by your skin.
don't get it directly on your silicone toys (silicone sticks to silicone and will turn your toy into a sticky oogy mess), but if your careful, a condom all the way around your toy should provide enough protection.
seriously - i know plenty of menopausal women who say silicone lube has saved their sex lives.
btw - sometimes we experience vaginal dryness when we are breast feeding as well...
I am a married woman (to a man) and wondered...Me being the femme that I am, why is it so hard for me to meet other femmes that are attracted to me. I am so not into the tom boy or butch type. I love a sexy femme and it brings out the aggressive femme in me. Sad thing is I am too shy and rejection is a biatch. I don't call myself bi or lesbian I am just me and I love women for the sexiness they are born with. Any good advice? *LOL*
I am a 33 year old woman currently serving in the military overseas. I have run across a wide variety of lesbians and well I have recently been labeled as confused. I am not confused about my sexuality or being a lesbian -truth be known that I love worshipping females because they are naturally strong and beautiful- but according to other lesbians I am confused because I don't fall into a category. I am not femme or butch I just am. I love to work on my truck, clean the yard, fix things but I also clean, do laundry, and I love to cook and bake. I dress like a guy but with taste and I like to match. So right now the label I have been deemed with is 'Betty Crocker meets Tim the Tool Man'. I haven't been in a relationship in close to three years now because I had my heart ripped out and I feel that after that I deserve someone who deserves me. I consider myself very cute and am caring, loyal, friendly, not the jealous type, romantic and very loving yet now I am starting to wonder if something isn't wrong with me. I haven't really had anyone flirt with me or hint that they are interested. So is something wrong with me? Am I confused or are they just too into labels?
Dear Cuted76,
Your fine, they're just into labels and stereotyping. Hang in there. I don't fit any label either and I love the ladies just as much as you do. You sound like the perfect lesbian: you can bring home the bacon, cook it in the pan, and make love with it as well. They're jealous. You'll meet a fine babe that loves you for yourself as well as your versatility.
Dear Cuted76,
my wife and I will not accept the labels of femme and butch. We're just us. We both dress a little more masculine than most women, but we both cook and clean. She is a little better with tools than I am, however. We're both just comfortable. We love ourselves and each other, and the rest of society (those who insist on labeling us, especially), can just stick it... You know? Don't be shy about who/what you are. My wife's retired Navy, and LOVES who she is. She loves who I am. I am crazy about her, and comfortable with ME. Just be. We're human beings. Not human DOings. Don't feel as if you must conform to someone else's standards.
How does one meet a lesbian who enjoys strap on sex? I am definately the receiver but I do not know how to approach the topic especially in personals, my last partner introduced me to strap on sex, she totally turned me on when she would use the strap on. I prefer strap on sex but now do not have a partner to enjoy this awesome pleasure. Is it more common then what it appears to be, is there a forum for such discussion?
Dear fairybutch
Iam a 24 year old black woman living in chitown undecided on why men are not physically sexy to me. I dislike sex with men unless its head action or the wonder fingers. I feel like i have fallen in love with a few men but not the sex or touching. I have been in relationships with women and had great sex and mental connections. I dont understand whats wrong with me? I have been hurt by first two girlfriends and the past but move on from it. Could i truly be a lesbian hidding behind a striaght relationshps?
Dear Anonymous looking for strap-on sex partner...
Why not kind of sort of.. ask. One can do it rather "coyly", by asking if they like...toys.?... and I think if it is said to the right person in the right way, you'll know. I always have. And its been wonderfully flirtatious in the meantime.
Then, there is the other aspect of introduction... sometimes, that may be optional...then, I think its the "type" of woman you are looking for... be discerning at the beginning.
i think just asking would be ok...if my fiancee wanted 2 add sumthing new in the bedroom than i would be ok with it if she just asked. i think u just need 2 find sumone who is into what ur into in AND out of the bedroom.....
I recently found out that my partner had an affair with a co-worker. She claims that it was because I was unhappy and that she felt she couldn't make happy. The kicker is I was at the time healing from a motorcycle accident which left me on a crutch with a broken wrist...she was driving! Not her fault never blamed her but it was during this period that the cheating occured...forgive or end. Suggestions please. We since have been on an Oliviva cruise and have been doing well but I am never sue now. Help please .