10 Things You Only Know If You’re Queer…And Your Partner Isn’t


Sometimes you just have to listen to Melissa Etheridge on your own.

1. Those buttons and badges don’t always make sense to them.

You’re at Pride, festooned in pink, purple and blue. Your boyfriend is lurking nervously behind you. This is a whole new world for him. But you love him so much for coming along to be part of it. He’s even holding the other side of your banner for you. And he has a splinter.

2. There are some things you can very easily share, however…

Yep, there can be that moment in your relationship when you lock eyes across the TV and say “Oh, that!”… and then feel really awkward for a few days until you just give in and watch Scully fighting aliens with big smiles on your faces.

3. Once again, Pride can be a bit awkward.

Especially when they yell “Breeders!” at you. Like, really? I came out at 14 and nobody would be seen with me in the school corridors for nearly a year. I spent my teens listening to k.d. lang and the Indigo Girls whilst reading Sappho. I have as much right to be here as you. And yes I’m going to snog him in front of you. Sorry.

4. Having a mutual ex-girlfriend is…

OK, this has never happened to me. Except that once. Oh dear.

5. Ani DiFranco might not appeal to them for a while.

She is literally a goddess of the highest order but take your time. They’ll get it in the end. This is becoming a lot about music, isn’t it?

6. They might not be accepted in “gay” clubs.

My (very lovely) biker-looking ex did not go down well in my favourite London lesbian bar. Nobody really bought the idea that he was a bear. They kept asking who he was with and I nearly went and hid. Incidentally, I was doing a review of the club for a lesbian and bisexual women’s website at the time. Yep, bi shame can be a thing. And I’m ashamed of it when it happens to me. No female-spectrum person should be ashamed to be with their male-spectrum partner in an LGBT space. Because there is a B in it. It’s a fact.

7. Some of them don’t ask for threesomes…

Many of them are actually even a bit worried about the fact you have dated and fancied women. They worry that you need boobs in your life as well as their… bits. But you already have boobs in your life. And you share them with him.

8. Their sister’s Facebook profile pic is kinda hot.

But she’ll never know. Unless she sees this article. Oops.

9. They might never read this article.

But hello if you are! I realize this website might not be your natural territory but thanks for coming.

10. Most of the time it doesn’t really matter.

He might never listen to Melissa Etheridge. But he’s mine and he’s beautiful. Oops, I mean handsome. Oh what the hell. Whatever.