Apr 5, 2012
05:14 PM

Sexless in Seattle

Sexless in Seattle

Someone in the comments section of one blog post or another said mine is not the only way to have a relationship, and to check in after 20 years with my girlfriend, children, a house, car etc. and report about whether we're still having exciting (or any) sex.

I'm not judging women, gay or straight, whose relationships are sexless yet companionable "Boston marriages".

I've never said mine is the only way to have a relationship (but, I have chosen not to marry, have children or buy a car or house). However, what I have said, and will say again, is that if you're not having sex with your partner, then she's not your lover. She might be a friend, a former lover, your platonic girlfriend, a loved one, even your wife, but not a lover.

It doesn't much matter if you've got one child or 10 or if you're both working around the clock at jobs that pay a lot or almost nothing at all, not having sex inside of an intimate relationship is not having sex and turns that relationship into something other than what it perhaps started out to be. 

I asked my girlfriend to fuck me yesterday when we were both in the middle of some respective writing. I just got horny and wanted to get pounded. My girlfriend eagerly obliged, but was futzing around with some sort of foreplay-ish type, light touching and such. "Pound that shit," I commanded. We laughed and she did, indeed, "pound that shit."

I'm all for caressing and cuddling, holding hands and kissing. But really I'm in a primary intimate relationship because I want my girlfriend to also be my lover.

Let's face it, the sexy pretense of a relationship lesbians often put on for their friends and community is total sad clown mode. Most often one partner of said sexless relationships is suffering in silence, pining for her girlfriend and former lover to be sexual once again -- or even considering being sexual with other women.

I believe it is one of the high crimes of the lesbian community, especially our media, party and event promoters, etc. to reinforce the sexiness of conventional-looking celesbians and sublezbrities to lure in readers, viewers and customers with skinny, scantily-clad, bronzed women, but not address the very real issues of what holds back so many lesbians from having a fulfilling and fulfilled sexual existence, rather than just fantasies about sexual relationships.

Lesbians come to sex like all women: raised, in general, not to be independent sexual agents; lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem, particularly in the sex and romance department; sometimes having been incested, sexually assaulted or otherwise violated; and with very little in the way of realistic positive and visible reportage and portrayals of healthy, positive active lesbian sex and sexuality (versus transient romantic visages or proverbial marital bliss).

It's disappointing to say the least that lesbians (or anyone who wants an active sex life) settle for less in the sex arena, accepting Lesbian Bed Death as a given, putting up with a chaste marriage, staying with a squeamish girlfriend with major sex and intimacy issues, and so on.

#FUCK?YES! or #FUCK?NO!, it’s your decision, but it's not a one-sided edict!

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