P-Town is a Three-Ring Circus
Dyke in a bikini.
P-Town in the summer is like a three ring circus.
The first ring or hoop you have to jump through is finding housing. The pilgrims landed there in 1621 and they couldn’t find anything, so they stayed onboard their ship. I go back every summer to work as a comedian and finding affordable housing is nearly impossible. This year I will be sleeping on a blow up mattress in a friends’ underground bomb shelter.
Part of the job of being a comic in P-town is barking. Barking is the art of handing out flyers and convincing people that you are truly funny and they should part with a saw buck ($20) and come and see your show. You bark on the street and you bark at the beach.
There is the boy’s beach, and the girl’s beach is Herring Cove. I have gone down to the boy’s beach to flyer and it is not a trip I will make again. First, you have to walk through the dunes for a quarter of a mile; it is like a tour of duty in Iraq. You could easily get lost. I’ve seen Jews wandering around out there in those hot desert dune for hours. No thanks. I’ll stay on the girl’s side with all the coolers, tents, football and food.
After thirteen years of working P-Town, I’ve got my pitch down and now; I can pretty much eat my way across the beach. I stop, chat, do my pitch and get food and drinks from everyone. Magicians go table to table doing card tricks, I go towel to towel telling jokes. Not a bad life, but now that the barking is over, the real horror show begins.
Every year I suffer severe mental anguish when having to decide which bathing suit I’m going to wear at the beach. What are our options ladies? The one piece? The two piece? Or the oh so popular three piece? You know the three piece; it has a top, a bottom and then this curtain that goes over the whole thing! Oh yeah, one year I looked like a walking puppet show. Kids were running up to me squealing, “What time’s the show lady?” I’m like, “Back off, Billy, or I’ll show you what’s really under the big top.”
That curtain is dangerous! It floats on top of the water so it is actively drowning you. Once, I actually caught a fish in my curtain. Great, now I’m not just swimming, I’m trawling. But I ate it. Hey Sushi. Also, there is a wire, in the bra, that’s brilliant: wire, water, it rusted poked me in the tit and I had to get a tetanus shot. Forget the curtain. I will probably opt for the dykeenie this year a.k.a. shorts and a shirt. You never know when a good football game could break out. Plus, a bikini is just too revealing. I mean, no one has seen my white creamy inner thighs all winter (hate to admit it); I’m not about to show them to a beach full of people, all at once. Barking at people is one thing but shocking people is just too jarring on a nice summer day at the beach in P-Town.
Poppy will be appearing at:
The Post Office Cabaret - 303 Commercial Street - Provincetown MA. 02657
July 22nd – Aug 17th 7:30 PM Shows