2013 does not start as well as the girls had hoped.
Who hasn’t had a bad day? I am sure everyone can pin point a day that they have thought ‘this here is a shit day’ Well I had a bad day this week and what better way to deal with it, than to write about it!
I had been waiting for almost two weeks to find out my pregnancy result and on the Wednesday I could tell I was definitely no doubt about it, getting cramps. I had taken a Home Pregnancy Test on the night before and it had come up negative. That can’t be anything good (even though I had taken it a couple of days early). I kept to myself most of Wednesday trying not to think too much about it all, I only had one more night to get through and I would have Thursday off and find out the results then.
Wednesday night after I went to the toilet I had a small amount of bleeding. I knew it was too late for implantation so I was of course upset. I had kept quiet and so Amber was worried about me. She asked me a couple of times, ‘have you got cramps’ ‘is your tummy hurting’ How could I just tell her that no, it was my heart that hurt. I was upset that once again knowing that we were going to get a negative result.
On Thursday morning I was thankful I didn’t have to go into work and enjoyed a lay in before I had to go for a blood test. While I was laying in bed I got a text message wishing me well for the day from one of my ex teachers. I explained that I wasn’t confident and thank you for being such a wonderful person in my life the last however many years. I got another text back saying that I was an amazing and strong person. Well that was it! I burst into tears. Clearly my emotions were all over the place.
I got up and got ready to go and have my blood test. Well by the time I was ready to leave I definitely had my period. There wasn’t much worse than having to drive into the city in practically peak hour traffic for a blood test that was not even needed – I already knew the result! I was there for maybe 5 minutes all up and got to leave. Well by the time I was on my way home the worst cramps imaginable had started. That was it, I got into the car and burst in to tears again. I told my self to get over it and get home. Well the cramps were getting so bad on the way home that I was on and off in tears the whole way home. I missed one of the sets of lights when I was getting closer to home and I was so upset with cramps and the fact I had to wait for the lights to change I cried again. The person in the next car was just looking at me like WHO IS THIS CRAZY LADY?!
After what felt like a lifetime I finally got home! I found my new heat pack I had got for Christmas from a dear friend, threw it in the microwave to heat up while I went in search for some pain relief. I had a lay down on the couch with my heatpack and some trusty TV. Well here is a lesson for you, when you are feeling upset and depressed – don’t watch Ellen! You might think that she might make you laugh… NO she will make you cry when she is so generous and kind to people!
I ended up having a nap and I had set my alarm as I had my specialist appointment that very same afternoon. I sat and waited in the waiting room for a good 10 minutes until the Doctor came and asked for me. I couldn’t help it, as soon as she asked how I was going, I for what felt like the millionth time that day, I burst into tears again. I told her that Concept hadn’t called but I was expecting my negative result any time now. We talked about options and what had been happening – well more like she talked and I tried to talk in between tears.
She ended up saying that looking at my bloods for the cycle I have a mild case of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. The doctor explained the different medications I would have to use for my next cycle. Again, I was in tears… like seriously why did so many things have to make me cry today?! Once I had finished I went back into the waiting room and went to pay. I am sure the other in the ladies were wondering why I was walking out of the doctors in tears but I didn’t really care.
I got to the car and knew Amber’s phone was going flat so I didn’t want to call her, instead I started to text her everything the doctor had explained to me. Mid text the phone rang and of course it was Concept calling me with my not so great news. She didn’t even have to tell me that it was negative and I was ONCE AGAIN in tears again. I felt sorry for myself and for K on the phone who had to listen to me sob on the phone and give me the crap news. I said to her it must be the worst part of the job, she said it was – especially giving bad news to such wonderful people like Amber and I. That made me cry even more! She explained she knew both sides to it as she was also going through fertility. That made me feel better, as horrible as it sounded I was glad that the person giving me bad news knew what it felt like to receive the news.
I was on and off crying and upset while going home down the freeway. Thankfully I could still see enough to get home safely. I had to duck into the shops to get some ‘lady products’ When I got to the shops I had a text from Amber, it was from the boss asking me if I wanted the day off on the Friday. Well would you believe it… what happened? I CRIED, AGAIN! I considered it but quickly messaged back saying no I needed to be at work where I had plenty of distraction. I don’t think I needed another day of crying and feeling sorry for myself.
I had my day of feeling depressed and crying at the drop of a hat, but I needed to pick myself up and get ready for whatever life had in store for me for the next day. Sometimes you just need to pick yourself up and move on! I am thankful that even though I had a bad day, I had some amazing people get me through it!