Single ladies: consider this a Christmas present. A little something for you from Lipstick.
I recently spent some time in the Curve Personals—not because I’m single (I’m goo-goo-goggily partnered), but because I was helping my good friend troll for a hookup the other night. And let me tell you: I amazed at what I saw.
It was my first time on Curve Personals and I had no idea how clueless so many lezzies were about how to best represent themselves. (If you haven’t been to Curve Personals and you’re single, check it out here. Word on the street is that Curve is the best roundup of women on the Internet.)
In light of this revelation (many of my girls don’t know WTF about putting themselves out there), I’m offering some helpful tips.
- In the photos section of your page, don’t only put pictures of your dog. People want to see you.
- In the same vein, don’t just put one picture—the best one ever taken of you nine years ago in a group at the perfect angle. Give people at least four to see and represent yourself accurately.
- Don’t have the photos of you be taken from across the street or with any sort of crazy Photoshop filter. Again, let women see you for who you really are.
- Choose your photos carefully. Not only is it important to pick ones which accurately represent you, but don’t put "come and fuck me" pics of you half naked. Spare us and leave this for our gay brothers.
- Be truthful about your stats. I saw women who said they had an athletic body, who clearly didn’t. Maybe they like sports, and maybe back in the day they had an athletic build, but not so much anymore. What people want to know is what’s going on now.
- I also think Curve should add a "Scram" button to the application next to the "Smile" button. That way, when interested people contact you even though they’re nothing like what you said you’re looking for in your profile, you can get rid of them. The explicative button would be for those clingy dykes who just don’t take a hint. Surely you’ve known a few.
- Also in the same vein, read what each woman is looking for (physically and romantically) before you write her. Don’t waste anyone’s time, including yours.
- When you "smile" at too many people or to the same woman too many times, an error message should be pop up and say, "Calm Down" or "Cool it." Use that smile button with discretion. When you smile, mean it.
- Well, there you have it. I could really go on and on, but these Lip Tips should steer you in the right direction. Remember, you can’t force love and you can’t force attraction, so represent yourself well and you will most certainly find someone who not only blows up your skirt (or 501s), but someone with whom you can have a real shot at love.
- Patience grasshopper.
If you build it, she will come. And hopefully continue to come for many, many years.