I’ll Try Not To Be Negative, But…..

Depression initiatives need to 'come out'

Sometimes a long journey with fertility can get you down.

I find it really hard that Amber and I have been trying for a baby for so long. The whole process from our very first pregnancy to now has been over 4 years. We have been so blessed to have such beautiful and supportive friends and family.

It’s not easy needing to go through a fertility centre though. We are not your average 27 and 32 year old couple. Being gay has definitely made the process harder. We can’t just accidentally get pregnant one day. We have to have weeks of blood tests and medication to ensure that ovulation is at a certain time and hope and pray once the sperm makes its journey to the egg, or more recently with IVF hope that the embryo has attached itself and stays. We are not going to get pregnant when we ‘least expect it’

As I said we have great friends and family and everyone wants to make sure that we are okay. I couldn’t tell you how many people have said ‘don’t lose hope, it will happen’, ‘I know it will happen for you guys’ ‘It will all be worth it once you have your own baby’. I don’t want to sound like a Negative Nelly but we can’t help but lose hope. Are you a hundred percent sure that we will get pregnant next time, this year or even this lifetime? With each negative result we get, it gets harder and harder to get excited that it might actually happen. By being a gay couple at least we do have the back up of having a spare uterus (mine) but what happens if I can’t get pregnant either?

I don’t want people to read this and think we don’t appreciate their friendly words. We really do, we have had people we barely know giving us flowers, chocolates and kind words and it does mean a lot to us and sometimes it’s that extra incentive to try to remain positive. I need to mention the girls we work with, because we see them daily, they have no choice but to be a huge support network and they really do have the most comfy shoulders to cry on.

How long can we keep going with trying to get pregnant before it breaks us completely? I want it to happen and I want it to happen soon, but it’s also human nature to get upset when we find out other people are pregnant, or accidentally fell pregnant with an unwanted pregnancy, or hear stories of people abusing their children. I really try not to get jealous but it’s something I can’t control. After years of trying I can’t help but want to scream when I find out other people are pregnant and we aren’t. I found out this week that someone I used to know was pregnant and I understand everyone has their own story, but like I said to one of my friends, why does our story have to be so long?