Plenty of barriers (social stigma! sexual stereotypes! popular myths!) exist between queer women and anal sex.
But the only barriers that should be between our asshole-centric pleasure and the babes who want our booties are those made of latex. Let’s get rid of the rest.
Bottoms aren’t just for boys!
The first barrier is the misconception that anal sexual pleasure is best served with male anatomy. Anal sex is typically viewed as a sexual treat for the male body, what with their penises and their pleasure-packed prostates.
Prostates be damned, our assholes are still rich in pleasurable nerve-endings, the fetishy flare of the anal sex taboo is naughty-hot, and simultaneous penetration can push on our sexy bits oh-so-nicely.
Talk shit.
Before we jump into female-bodied booty sex, we’ve gotta deal with our shit. F’real. Perhaps above the fear that anal sex’ll hurt, is the common fear of feces. Sure, shit happens but it doesn’t happen often when it comes to anal sex.
Anatomically, your rectum is where you play during anal sex and your intestines is where your poop lives. Unless your body is giving you The Signal or if you ate far too much fiber last night, your rectum should be clear for sex. Slipping a soapy finger up there in the shower is safe if you want to feel extra squeaky-clean.
Slow down & get wet.
The majority of anal sex injuries are small, temporary fissures resulting from over-enthusiasm and lack of communication. Anal sex, even for the experienced, is rarely a one-night stand event. Good anal sex involves a slow, steady pace and lots of lube.
Unlike your vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. A thicker, water-based lubricant like Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula or Good Clean Love Almost Naked will add a cushioning layer that’ll stay put longer. Reapply often.
Be selective about what to put up your butt.
Your anus contains bacteria that are only healthy for your booty and STIs including the HIV virus can be transmitted anally, so use similar safer-sex precautions as you would vaginally. Your anal toys should be made from non-porous material like silicone, stainless steel, or glass that can be disinfected with soap and water. Before sharing or switching activities with any toy or body part used anally, wash it with soap and water or change its condom. It’s safe to move a toy or body part from your vagina to your ass, but NOT from your ass to your vagina!
Start your anal exploration with fingers.
Cut those fingernails (sorry femmebots) and use gloves for safety and smoothness. Anal toys should be non-textured and have a flared base to prevent them from being “lost.” Your inner sphincter reacts to insertion by sucking in: great for your partner’s sensation, not so great when your toy gets trip-to-the-ER kind of lost. It doesn’t matter how “good your grip” is: your anus’s grip is better. I promise.
Pick your tool of the anal trade depending on what you want to do with it.
Graduated beads are anally inserted one by one and are great for first-timers as you can insert as many as you’d like, starting with the smallest and working up. These guys really work their magic when slowly removed during orgasm.
Plugs are designed to stay put, resulting in continuous, pleasurable pressure. They’re perfect for those who want to anally garnish other activities like vaginal penetration, oral sex or while using a harness. A good place to start is with smaller, flexible, silicone plugs like The Bootie.
Dildos are for penetrative anal intercourse. Booty-play beginners may find this type of stroking-and-movement-focused sex to be overwhelming and challenging. Those who are pumped for pumping, though, will benefit from starting with a smaller, smooth, slightly curved dildo. Insert the dildo with the curve pointing towards the receiver’s belly button, as this reflects the rectum’s natural shape.
Ultimately, your anal sex is only as good as your sexual partnership and communication.
As the receiver, voice your anxieties without fear of interrupting the flow of sex and always say “Ouch!” when you gotta. Give positive feedback (especially fun given via dirty talk) and have a post-wrap feedback session so you can repeat your successes and work on your flops.
As the giver, always practice active consent. Ask questions and permission. Explain what you’re doing before you do it. Validate all concerns and always let your partner call the shots.
Finally, the power of knowledge is real.
Read up on female-bodied anal-loving in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino and study, real, real hard with Crash Pad’s plentiful, hot, queer, anal sex scenes.