DIVA’s sex and dating expert dishes out some advice for a new recruit
Dear Hot Stuff,
I'm straight but I've fallen in love with a girl. I'm scared and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I think I have really strong feelings for her but i've never done anything like this before. I couldn't possibly tell my parents, friends, colleagues… WTF do I do?!
Marion from Bristol
Dear Bendy from Bristol,
Not all people are as straight as they seem, Bendy, and sexuality can be just that, Bendy: fluid, changeable, strange…
Don't be frightened. Homosexuality/bisexuality isn't bad, dangerous or scary. You might not even be gay/bi. It could be that it is a phase, or that you've just fallen in love with one girl in particular. Why even put a label on it?
A very wise person once said to me that she didn't fall in love with genders, she fell in love with people. This kind of attitude might be the one for you.
Above all, this is all very new, so don't go worrying about other people just yet – parents, mates and whatnot. Your priority right now is making sure that you feel positive about what you're doing. Try to avoid navel-gazing, self-analysis and hours of potentially unsettling discussion with anyone and everyone who will undoubtedly have their two-penno'th to contribute.
As for the lucky girl, be honest with her from the off about what you can and cannot do, the rhythm and speed that you're capable of. Lesbians and bi women have a natural tendency to go from 0 to 100KMph in no time at all, relationship-wise, so gently ensure that she's on your wavelength.
On a practical level, it may feel bizarre at first to hold a girl's hand in the street or kiss in public. Be canny and give yourself all the cards; go out together in the gay areas where you may feel more at ease, check out other same-sex couples. You'll see that we're really not so different, we just have better hair.
Good luck and all the best, Bendy!