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FeedLesbian Identity and Intergenerational Understanding
Sometimes it's hard for baby dykes to understand the issues faced by older generations of lesbians.
I am a 24-year-old out and proud lesbian, part of the emerging young, increasingly unapologetically gay generation. We came out very young and we really don’t care who knows we’re queer. We dress and act as we wish, and enjoy being visible. We come into our own acceptance early on and are less concerned about what society and even our families think. We believe this kind of adolescent pride is good for our community. However, this early acceptance of our sexuality makes it hard for baby dykes to understand the issues facing older generations of lesbians.
When sexy actor Kelly McGillis of Witness and Top Gun came out last year, I was surprised by some of the reactions of my fellow young lesbians. As one of the most recognizable ’80s icons, having McGillis come out at all—no matter how late in life—is a huge step forward for lesbians everywhere. But some of the responses I got were disturbing. “She’s 51, why the hell did it take her that long?” Or “It took her two marriages to figure that out?” If these were the responses of a few people, it would be easy to shrug off—but I heard similar comments from nearly all of my young dyke friends.
Our community is huge on not judging, but when it comes to our own, we can be the harshest of critics. It turns out the reason my friends had such a hard time understanding McGillis’ delayed announcement is because they couldn’t fathom waiting so long themselves. However, in the case of my older lesbian friends, there was a completely different tone—one of triumph and empathy. This really brought to light a generational disparity in understanding.
It’s easy for younger lesbians to forget that twenty, or even ten years ago the world was different place for us queers. Many older dykes had no publicly out figures to look up to, their families knew nothing of PFLAG and the public message was that homosexuality was wrong and sinful. Until 37 years ago, homosexuality was considered a disease requiring hospitalization and shock therapy. And we know that without a supportive base around us, it is hard to act and live as ourselves, a luxury many of the younger generation can relish in.
This is not to say that those same pressures and expectations are not present in today’s society. They are, but because of women like Kelly McGillis, Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres, we younger lesbians are able to walk an easier road.
So this month, I urge my fellow young dykes to show respect for the lesbians who have paved the way for us. Next time you kiss your girlfriend in the street or take her to dinner with your parents, take a minute to remember the women who made it safe and possible for you to do that.
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Reader Comments:
That level of intense homophobia is still present in many places for young people as well. Celebrities are nice but when you are being sexually assaulted within your own family, or your parents are kicking you out to live homeless on the streets, or the professionals in the mental health facility where your parents locked you up are still (yes it happens today folks) reassuring you that you too can be 'normal,' what Melissa Etheridge is up to just doesn't loom as large. There are many many pockets of intense homophobia all around us today. It makes me sad to meet queers who are unconscious of that or who believe that their personal liberation tells the whole story.
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As an "older" lesbian who has watched this evolution as we went from having a "queer" illness to being legally married today - I am so grateful to see our progress. It's awesome to hear that our queer youth are feeling so comfortable with being out and proud. This is just what all of us "older" lesbians hoped for as we came out under far less acceptable circumstances. We worked hard to demand acceptance in our daily lives and to find one another. We put out our underground newsletters to create community, long before the internet; producing womens' concerts and festivals when female artists could hardly find a gig among the male-dominated industry; established book stores to read the stories of "our" lives; became attorneys to help change the archaic laws that restricted us -- and created communities where none existed. We knew that the women who followed us would be able to live a better life and that makes it all the more valuable to have walked our walk. Many women suffered greatly for coming out, from their families, their workplace, their churches; all the support systems that normally provided for them, all lost; and those who suffered physical and verbal abuses, all so horrible. To them we should all give thanks for such courage. Here's to your future freedom to marry --- in this state -- in all states --- throughout the world. Hey, younger lesbians, get involved! Vote! Continue our progress; there's plenty of work left to be done yet. My love to you all. Peace. Barb
I'm glad to see this story. I thought I was the only one who would hear or read about young lesbian womyn being disrespectful towards the older LGBTQ generation. Although It is a problem across the board of all sexual orientations, it is something that needs to be brought attention to. I call them the slacker and dumb-down generation who loves their American spoiled lives. Sometimes I want to break my foot off in their asses for being so ignorant, arrogant and down-right disrespectful. This is coming from an offspring generation of a baby-boomer.
I am a lesbian who finally came out in November last year and I appreciate the older lesbians and am still learning. I am thankful for the women who created a easy path for us younger lesbians to come out with less stress on us. Much respect given to you wonderful women.
I am 19 years old and was outed a few months ago and it was the hardest time of my life and when I expressed how hard this was for me to some of my young lesbian friends I got a lot of responses like "well at least you don't have to worry about coming out" and they didn't understand why this affected me so much. Of course they had these I don't care i'm gay and if you don't like it jump off a bridge attitudes which is okay but my way was to be cautious and to come out when i was matured in my lesbian lifestyle. I personally appreciate what the older generation of lesbians went through to bring us all to the position that we are in now and i'm very fortunate to have older lesbians that i can look to no one should be given a time limit to come out I don't care if your 60 I understand that its hard, there's a chance that you can loose almost every thing and everyone in our community should be supportive of that
Right on! It's important to remember the the world didn't start when we arrived and that goes for all ism's alive and well in the paradigm that is still overwhelming patriarchal!
goddessboi
www.butchculture.com