Run Off to Rio


Photo: Maggie Parker

Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have a hard-core crush on a friend of mine. We’ve been friends for about six years, and my feelings have deepened for her over the years. 

Now comes the fun part. We’re both stuck in marriages that suck. Our husbands are very much alike, so our sadness and frustration have only brought us closer. Sadly, she and her family just relocated to the East Coast because of her husband’s job transfer. We were both devastated by this. We really miss each other and feel a tremendous loss over our separation. She was recently back in town for a very short visit and we got together for dinner. After a few drinks, we were giggly and touchy-feely. Things were different.

I’ve been physical with a woman before—it was 20 years ago and was a very short affair because I was terrified by it. Over the years, I fought off my desire to be in a relationship with a woman. But this time, it’s much harder to ignore. I think about her every day. It’s more than a physical feeling. It’s a deeper emotional connection. I’m afraid to initiate a conversation about this, but I want more from her. I’m dying to know if she feels the same way. What to do? Broach the subject? Or buy lots of C batteries and keep living in Fantasy Land? — Pining Penny

Lipstick: C batteries? What prehistoric vibrator are you using? Go immediately to the local sex shop and get something that was made after 1990. Trust me on this. Regarding the girl, however, Lipstick thinks you should rendezvous somewhere private and warm. Rio? While you’re lying on the beach with your mai tais, roll over and ask her if she’s ever been with a woman. Regardless of her response, tell her about the experience you had 20 years ago. This little conversation will be immensely telling. Maybe she has a stockpile of C batteries, too.

Dipstick: Yes, you need to broach the topic. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage, wondering “What if?” And
regardless of how she responds, take a look at your life, Penny! Why stay a minute longer in a relationship that sucks? You need to make a decision. Either get into counseling with your husband and fix that mess, or get out and start creating your own happiness. It may be with your friend, or it may not. But either way, you’ve got to move.
Do something.

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