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Dear Lipstick and Dipstick: I have a hard-core crush on a friend of mine. We’ve been friends for about six years, and my feelings have deepened for her over the years.
Now comes the fun part. We’re both stuck in marriages that suck. Our husbands are very much alike, so our sadness and frustration have only brought us closer. Sadly, she and her family just relocated to the East Coast because of her husband’s job transfer. We were both devastated by this. We really miss each other and feel a tremendous loss over our separation. She was recently back in town for a very short visit and we got together for dinner. After a few drinks, we were giggly and touchy-feely. Things were different.
I’ve been physical with a woman before—it was 20 years ago and was a very short affair because I was terrified by it. Over the years, I fought off my desire to be in a relationship with a woman. But this time, it’s much harder to ignore. I think about her every day. It’s more than a physical feeling. It’s a deeper emotional connection. I’m afraid to initiate a conversation about this, but I want more from her. I’m dying to know if she feels the same way. What to do? Broach the subject? Or buy lots of C batteries and keep living in Fantasy Land? — Pining Penny
Lipstick: C batteries? What prehistoric vibrator are you using? Go immediately to the local sex shop and get something that was made after 1990. Trust me on this. Regarding the girl, however, Lipstick thinks you should rendezvous somewhere private and warm. Rio? While you’re lying on the beach with your mai tais, roll over and ask her if she’s ever been with a woman. Regardless of her response, tell her about the experience you had 20 years ago. This little conversation will be immensely telling. Maybe she has a stockpile of C batteries, too.
Dipstick: Yes, you need to broach the topic. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage, wondering “What if?” And
regardless of how she responds, take a look at your life, Penny! Why stay a minute longer in a relationship that sucks? You need to make a decision. Either get into counseling with your husband and fix that mess, or get out and start creating your own happiness. It may be with your friend, or it may not. But either way, you’ve got to move.
Do something.
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Reader Comments:
you must do something to make you happy!!don't stay with a unhappy relationship..
i know how it is to be in love with a friend and believe me, broaching the subject is the best thing to do for yourself cse as your feelings deepen for her it gets harder and harder to hide them.go for it, it could be the best decision you made in your life. I did and i found my soulmate in my friend. good luck.
just kiss her!!!
I am in the exact same situation except we are intimate. We have a very deep emotional and physical connection. She will not be with me because she does not want to be thought of as a lesbian. I am devestated becasue i feel she is more worried about what she is thought of than our love.
I was in a 15 yr relationship w a man and I was absolutely miserable. I had been thinking that if we broke it off I would be with a woman next for at least the last five years. I finally pushed him out of the nest and couldn't be happier. There are so many hot lesbians in my small town it is really surprising. Don't waste your time in misery. I haven't gotten laid yet, but I know my time is coming and I get excited and even get off just thinking about it, so I know I made the right choice. Be yourself woman, you will never regret it.
^^ What small town do YOU live in???????
I feel like I'm terribly missing out.
Go for it woman, once you go down that road you will never go back! ;-)
And as far as a great town with a lot of hot woman, I would have to say that Portland, OR isn't far behind CA.
It sounds like there are a couple issues here: 1. feelings for best friend/risking the friendship by telling her, and 2. stuck in a bad marriage. It might be easier to tackle number 2 first -- what are the reasons you stay in the marriage? Is divorce a possibility? If not, why not? Maybe you could try to weigh the pluses and minuses of staying in the marriage and leaving, and see what's what. Considering your feelings for your friend, and your past experiences with a woman, you may be happier not being married. If money is the reason you have to stay, maybe you could focus on your career -- finding something that you like to do, that pays the bills. Obtaining this would put you in a better position to take care of yourself if you decide to leave.
For number 1: yikes, that's really hard! It sounds like you want to tell your friend how you feel, but aren't sure that she feels the same way. If she rejects you, it's going to really hurt (understatement, I know), and you may be all on your own, because it sounds like she's your main source of emotional support. Before telling her anything, maybe you could take some steps to help yourself -- try reaching out and making some new friends that can support you in the event she rejects you. If there's a gay/lesbian center near you, maybe you could see if they have a coming out group you could go to; also, the organization PFLAG is very supportive, and has meetings. Any support group where you feel comfortable could be helpful.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck! I know it's not easy dealing with one's feelings..all too well. :P
Life is too short to stay unhappy in a relationship.
Even if it doesn't work with your friend.. you need to leave your husband if you are not happy with him.
Look I was married when I met my current girlfriend of 3 yrs so I have a semi-understanding of what your going through. And in my opinion if you can EASILY see your life without your husband then go for it! My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. Being openly gay isnt easy but trust me if you really care about her it will ALL be worth it. When I first told my family (my mom & my sister I spoke with everyday) we quit talking. I didnt talk to my mom again for 6 months but now 2 yrs later she has come around ... still thinks someday I will meet a nice boy but she is always very nice to my girlfriend. My girlfriend is the love of my life and I now know what true happiness is!!! =D to make it easy just follow your heart