Written by:
Kristin Egener
Photographer:
Laimah Osman
I have a LOT to write about, but I have to make it short because Mom's yelling at me to go to bed.
So it turns out Mom's been reading my diary! I asked her yesterday to take me downtown to the queer youth group meeting, and I had just thought up a really good excuse — I was going to tell her that this youth group I'd gotten involved with was having a joint meeting with the gay youth group, and that I was planning to take a couple of those suckers aside and help them see the true path to heterosexual happiness.
But anyway, before I could use my excuse she was like, "No, don't lie to me! I know why you want to go downtown, you want to go to that youth group meeting for homosexuals!"
She couldn't even bring herself to say it right, she was like, "Ho—ho—homosexuals." Then she admitted she'd been snooping around my computer and had found this diary.
She was like, "You just seemed so mopey lately, I was trying to figure out what was wrong!" I was SO mad. I was about to start yelling, but then her lips started trembling and she started to cry.
I felt really bad then. I mean, she never cries in front of me. She kept saying things like, "I don't know what to do! My only daughter! You're going to have such a hard life, and I had such high hopes for you!"
I tried to comfort her, but nothing seemed to help until I made the mistake of saying, "You know, Mom, it's not like I'm totally SURE or anything," which isn't really true, because it feels so RIGHT when I think of myself as gay.
But her eyes brightened immediately. She looked hopeful. I couldn't take it back, so I did the next best thing, which was to convince her that this youth group was meant to help me "straighten" myself out, no pun intended.
So I went to the youth group meeting. There were actually a bunch of people there, more than I expected, but the only person I really saw, of course, was Jude. She seemed to know everybody, but eventually she came over to where I was sitting and we said hi.
Then she goes, "You know, I heard about what you said in your Health class. That was really brave." I blushed and said, "Thanks. I think you're pretty brave yourself." She shrugged and was like, "I've never said anything like that."
"Well, no, but everyone sorta knows you're gay, so you don't really have to," I reminded her. She ran her hand over her crew cut and said with a grin, "What makes everyone think that?" We laughed and talked some more.
She's SO cute and she's an artist, too — she makes these big cocoon-like sculptures with beautiful wings peeking out of them. She says she'll show me her studio sometime. She lives on her own practically, with the help of her aunt, because her parents kicked her out of their home when they found out she was gay. It's really sad, because she's so sweet underneath her toughness and tattoos.
I love to talk with her and hang out with her, but how should we act at school? People were just beginning to lay off of me, but this could make things bad again.
I guess I didn't keep it short like I said I would! Guess I'd better go now. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, my precious diary! You're like my therapist.
And, I put a password on you, so you're ALL MINE now. Thank God Mom knows zilch about "those new-fangled boxes" called computers.
<*smooches*> ~Regina
Regina Babydyke's Cyber Diary is a Curvemag.com Web exclusive.You won't find it anywhere but here. We'll be posting new episodes in the coming weeks, so check back soon for more!
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