Written by:
Brenda L. Leffler
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this Issue of Curve:
Vol. 15#2
I felt the blood drain from my face as the words came out of her mouth: “I want to go to the Grand Canyon.” My last experience with the Grand Canyon had been as a sulky 13-year-old who viewed the natural wonder from a blacktopped, camper-filled roadside pullout. I proclaimed it nothing more than a mighty big hole in the ground and asked where the swimming pool was located. My parents were irritated: I was an unappreciative, self-absorbed little bleep. Something like that — it was hard to hear from the pool.
So when my wife, Lisa, wanted a Grand Canyon adventure for her birthday, I was hesitant to commit. Alas, I soon found myself preparing for a road trip and a chance to explore America at 95 (er, 75) miles per hour while flipping off truck drivers with hooker-girl mudflaps and singing Wynonna’s rendition of “Burning Love” with the wind blowing through my hair.
Many mudflaps later, we drove toward the small Arizona tourist community of Tusayan, a wide spot on Highway 64 with roughly five restaurants, five hotels and a gas station. There are numerous lodging options in the canyon area, including hotels and campgrounds in and outside the park (mule-pack trips and backwoods campsites), but we opted for day hikes and the evening comforts of a hotel room. The prospect of eating real food factored into the decision, after recalling the horrid experience of eating National Park Service food while staying in Yellowstone a few years prior (a salmon loaf at the Old Faithful Inn pushed me over the edge).
The next day, Lisa and I discovered that there are many alternative ways to see the park — helicopter tours, Jeep convoys and mule trains — if hoofing it isn’t an option. Mule trains have been offered at the Grand Canyon for almost 100 years and are the reason Phantom Ranch was built at the bottom of the canyon in 1922. The rustic cabins, which offer the only overnight accommodations below the rim, were designed by celebrated architect Mary Colter. The mules will happily haul you and your possessions into the canyon, but you must weigh less than 200 pounds fully dressed (the mules do not want to see you naked, apparently), be at least 4’7” tall, be fluent in English (the mules are not bilingual) and not be pregnant (no way, sister).
Lisa and I ventured into the canyon sans mule, utilizing Park Service maps to hike the most popular trails in the park. The popular Bright Angel Trail is below the canyon rim, and, by the looks of the ill-prepared individuals we saw on the trail, I suspect its popularity is directly linked to its proximity to the village lodges. Though it’s the easiest trail in the park, the National Park Service rescues hundreds of hikers off the Bright Angel each year.
A better option is the South Kaibab Trail, which offers spectacular views and extends deeper into the canyon in a much shorter distance. As we stood on the edge of the canyon and looked into the shadows, I hugged Lisa, thanked her for bringing me back and made a mental note to call my parents and apologize. Any trail below the rim is a serious undertaking, comparable to hiking a 14,000-foot mountain in reverse, and, unless you plan on becoming gainfully employed by the nice folks at Phantom Ranch, what goes down must come up. Lisa and I would culminate each hike by stopping at one of the village lodges to drink beer and scout the area for fellow lesbians. Alas, we spent a lot of money on beer and saw only bandy-legged riders returning from the mule trains. We ended our hiking marathon with a relatively flat jaunt on the West Rim Trail, which starts in the village and extends west for nine miles to the Hermit’s Rest overlook. The Rim Trail is exactly that; the Park Service seems determined to encourage hikers to wander off the trail and fall into the canyon. Although it is possible to walk on the road or in the woods near the rim, the actual trail skirts the very edges of sheer drop-offs. It gave me ample time to slow down, think and appreciate the beauty of the canyon. It also gave me an opportunity to moon my wife, an act that is no doubt also prohibited by the Park Service.
Don’t Forget
Grand Canyon National Park (http://www.nps.gov/grca) is open year-round, though some areas close in the winter. Entrance fees are $20 per vehicle (or $10 if you bike or hike in). Lodging is available through Amfac Parks and Resorts (303-297-2757). You can also camp (800-365-CAMP) or try out Phantom Ranch (303-297-3175, http://www.grandcanyonlodges.com).
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