Written by:
Kristin Egener
I have developed a new addiction: self-help books. Well, new addiction is not exactly true, but I have acquired a new feminist agenda. Have sneaking suspicion that self-help books on self-esteem will not enable me to dump — with ice-queen, steel-plated indifference — the ungrateful, narcissistic Jude, who has been hanging out more and more with hideous Fashionista Melanie. But one can always hope. ARGH! I'm beginning to despise them both.
Who am I to say that Jude can't have any other best friends besides me? Can't, of course. But it was easier when I felt like it was the two of us against the world. Can't put her in a box and seal her off, but I feel like I'm losing my best and only ally. Maybe she's being standoffish because I
told her I didn't feel ready to sleep with her. Is that so unreasonable?
I'm not prudish or squeamish at all — I mean, my virginity is of the technical variety — but I just came out to myself two months ago. I'm still accepting the feelings; I don't feel ready to accept the physical part yet.
Anyway, I'm currently writing this on my laptop in Megachain Bookstore, where I was browsing the self-help section — and the gay and lesbian section. They have one! Who knew? Felt somewhat exposed and embarrassed about being seen there by an acquaintance or, worse yet, Nosy Parental Associate of some sort.
Therefore, adopted foolproof strategy: stood further up aisle in front of History and Biography, selected massive tome on mid-13th-century heretics, pretended to read for carefully calculated interval, checked to see if coast was clear, then slid nonchalantly back down aisle, snagged slim volume of racy lesbian erotica, then slid back up aisle to safe haven of History and Biography, where inserted racy lesbian erotica among mid-13th-century heretics and read whole thing in two hours, standing up, before nasty pimply bookstore-stooge-boy told me to buy the book or get a chair.
I've never read anything like that before. Heartbeat's a little fast; will attribute to coffee.
*smooches*
Regina
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