My Naughty Valentine



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Illustration: Vector/iStock

Despite what Hallmark would have us believe, we all know that St. Valentine’s Day is just a good excuse to get some nookie when you might not have gotten any otherwise. So, to celebrate the real spirit of February 14, we’ve compiled a short list of items that will help you and your valentine along the path to true lust.

Hot ’n’ Sticky Notes: Who doesn’t love naughty novelty items, and they’re even better when they’re interactive. That’s what the brains behind these post-it inspired love notes must have been betting on. They’re cute, kinky and they’re bound to get a smile, and maybe even a wink, from your girl. Go with the coy, strawberry-shaped “Pinch Me!” pad, or throw caution to the wind and tuck a “Let’s Get Naked!” note into her bedtime reading. With nine pads to choose from, there’s bound to be one that tickles your fancy. They’re tacky in more ways than one, but hey, they’re fun. ($9, chroniclebooks.com)

Kinky Sex Scratchers: Try your luck with these sexy scratch-off tickets. They look like the ones you buy at the 7-Eleven, but I bet you’ve never done a scratch ’n’ win called No Limit Sex-Us Hold ’Em or Bondage Billiards. Even though they’re designed with hetero partners in mind, it wouldn’t take much effort to get into the spirit of the game and just adapt them for some lesbo-friendly fun. Get your penny ready and try for the jackpot.  ($10, chroniclebooks.com)

Just in Case: She’ll be pleasantly surprised when you whip out your compact and out comes a condom to wrap around her favorite sex toy. This nifty little black case is chic and discreet, with a mirror and a hidden compartment that safely holds two condoms. Perfect for sliding into your pocket for a trip
to your girlfriend’s or a safe night out on the town. ($12, cleosboutique.com)

Wet Naturals: These pH-balanced, glycerin- and paraben-free “intimacy gels” are made with botanicals, vitamins and antioxidants. They remind us that what’s good for the face is also good for the cooch. ($14 and up, drugstore.com)

Boob Lube: It sounds more salacious than it is, but this fun lavender herbal soap from Save the Ta-Tas will help you give yourselves breast self-exams while sudsing up. The bottle has a how-to and a checklist that you mark off each month. Part of the proceeds from the lube and the Save the Ta-Tas tees go to breast cancer research. ($15, savethetatas.com)

Destination Dinners: If staying in beats going out, send the girlfriend a yummy Destination Dinner. These dinner recipe kits from different parts of the globe contain all the hard-to-find spices, sauces and condiments, a how-to guide, a shopping list, authentic table setting suggestions and fun trivia on the country you’re eating from. Try Korea’s tasty bulgogi. ($25,destinationdinners.com)

Trojan Her Pleasure Vibrating Touch: This tiny fingertip massager is inexpensive and won’t flag security at the airport, the way your other vibrating friends will. ($20, vibratingtouch.com)

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