March 20, 2010

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Meet Evan Edwards

How do you juggle coming out, being a single parent and an inability to take anything seriously? You become a stand up comic, of course. Evan Edwards is a comedy veteran who is not afraid to tell you what her vagina is really like. She just finished up her first One Woman show, “An Inconvenient Ass,” and she's currently putting the finishing touches on her latest book Laugh Your Ass Off.

What led you to stand up? Why did you start doing it?
It was Eddie Murphy that I saw in high school. When I saw him perform I was like, "I don’t know what he’s doing, but I want to do that." And so, it was really seeing Eddie Murphy do "Delirious" and "Raw" that I was like, "I have to do this."

What kind of stuff is in your act?
Well…It’s funny because when I first started doing comedy, you kind of have to do what — it’s a very male oriented industry. And over 10 years ago when I started there weren’t Ellens and Rosies who were out. There weren’t a lot of lesbians on the scene. I can’t even think of one. Maybe Paula Poundstone, but that was only because she kind of leaned toward, hinted at being a lesbian because she wore a tie.

Have you always been out in your act?
No. No, when I first started doing the comedy I did the safe jokes, the chubby female jokes. I did the shopping jokes…I did an open mic at the improv and the next thing I know, the next day people were calling me and were like, "OK, do you want to try going on some other big shows? Do you want to do some specials?" And I had only performed once for three minutes in an open mic…it was very whirlwind. The first year I started doing comedy it was all chubby, "Oh, she’s got a big butt," like that…Then I started [thinking] this isn’t me. It really didn’t feel like me. I definitely wanted to do more lesbian jokes. I wanted to do a little bluer, a little dirtier jokes. I had my whole Susan thing that I kept to myself. And as I slowly started adding those kind of jokes in there, I got funnier and I got more comfortable on stage. But I never really went to where I wanted to be, never really felt like myself.

Explain to me the "Susan" thing and the origins of the "Susan" thing.
[Laughs] The Susan thing came out of loneliness. No, the Susan thing was just more—I went through this, for a few years, where I would lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain weight. I was always in really good shape until I had my son. He kind of ruined my body. And then one day I was just like, "Jesus, my vagina’s huge. It’s just kind of falling apart. When I masturbate it’s like a chimpanzee chewing a carrot. There’s just too much going on down there. I can hold a soda can." And I was just like, "That’s mean. She’s lonely." And then all of a sudden it turned into a "she." What am I going to call her? "Susan." I’ve never really liked a Susan and me and my vagina don’t really get along. So then I was just like "What would Susan say in this situation?" I really started talking to Susan and then I realized Susan probably likes a beret. She comes across that way. She’s a little furry sometimes. I picture her having a little bit of a black eye, maybe smoking a cigarette. She has a Russian accent. She’ll say, [speaking in a Russian accent] "Vat are you doing, wake up. There is someone sleeping next to us, vat you do?"

[Laughs] So your son wrecked it down there. How old is he now?
He’s turning 16 in December. I had him really young. I was 19 and it was one of those situations where—I mean I’ve always known I was gay. I moved to California…met my first lesbian, had my first lesbian experience and was like, "Wow, that feels so good, it can’t be right." It scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to tell my family. I had a few cocktails and had a fling with a hot Latin tourist and I got pregnant. So, it was like "OK, I’ll just go with this." And then when I had my son I came out to my family and to him. He’s really never known different. It just worked out that way. I don’t have to pay for sperm now.

What have you been working on?
I just finished up a one woman show and my book, Laugh Your Ass Off, is in its final stages. The book is a comedy weight loss book. My shows are all about "Susan." She gets me into a lot of trouble, getting her a bikini wax and how mine always ends up looking like I have mutten chops. It can be a little blue.

Nothing wrong with blue.
No, and you’ve got to talk about these things. I have freakishly uneven breasts, like in a freak show. Because I have a hot perky Asian tit on the left and I have this truck stop waitress boob on the right.

[Laughs] You’re also a writer. Is that how you pay the bills? Or do you pay the bills through comedy?
I used to pay bills through comedy. I’ve owned my own business for a few years…That’s been one way. Writing’s been a small way. Writing, unless you’re really doing it full time, doesn’t pay the bills. It maybe pays for a dinner out. It pays for a night of drinks at Mary’s…I’ve done some articles here and there. It’s usually always got a comedy twist. Tell me what you want and let me make it funny. I’ve been gifted with this horrible curse of never being able to take anything seriously.

Are you single or are you in a relationship?
I’m single. I’ve been single for a while and I think that just has more to do with working, having my son. Now I’m getting to a point of like, "OK, he’s got his own little life going on and starting to get very independent." And it’s like, "Oh yeah. My Mr. Plug-in Wonder Vibe isn’t going to marry me."

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