5 Cartoon Children That Make You Never Want To Have Kids IRL

They may only be drawings but they’re sure to give you 3D nightmares.


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When you reach your late twenties, a lot of your friends start having kids and you start to wonder...should my partner and I go for it? Well, you could end up with some of the kids on this list and that thought alone is enough to make you shake your head and run away screaming.

 

The entries on this list go far beyond the bratty or strange actions that are often exhibited by children so while Bart from The Simpsons and Gene from Bob’s Burgers freak me out a little bit, they will not be making this list.

 

From bullying younger kids to matricidal ambitions to behavior straight out of the homicidal triad, these kids are enough to put you off starting a family…at least for now.

 

Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)

 

 

None of the quote-unquote bad children in The Simpsons can be singled out as “the worst” and so it was hard to pick which one would make this list but Jimbo ultimately made the list because his childhood and family life seems less crushing than that of the other bullies. After all, Nelson’s family life is well documented as awful and Dolph has been abused in the past.

 

He bullies kids who are at least three or four years younger than him, shoplifts, drinks alcohol, takes drugs, and treats his various girlfriends like crap.

 

Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

 

 

Where do we begin? He has tried numerous times to kill his mother, he’s sexually manipulative towards other people and the family dog, and he’s hell-bent on world domination. These are terrible traits for adults, let alone a baby.

 

I get that Seth MacFarlane envisaged Stewie as a supervillain- and that most parents are attentive enough to notice if their baby has a collection of advanced weaponry under their crib- but I can’t shake the feeling that you never quite know what babies are thinking. What if they do want to kill us?

 

Come to think of it, whenever I hold my one-year-old nephew he always grabs my necklace and chokes me slightly until one of his parents pries his hand off the pendant. Oh crap, it’s starting already.

 

Angelica Pickles (Rugrats/All Grown Up)

 

 

When you think about the Rugrats, there’s only one antagonist that jumps to the front of your mind: Angelica.

 

She’s a spoilt brat who pits her parents against each other, bullies the babies with almost no let-up, and is violent towards younger children and even adults on occasion. Even when the Rugrats grew up (as shown in the All Grown Up series), she was still vain, materialistic, and manipulative.

 

Maybe I’m being too tough on her but she reminds me so much of my childhood bully that even watching the Rugrats movie with my nephews makes me a little uncomfortable.

 

Eric Cartman (South Park)

 

 

I’ll admit that I don’t watch a lot of South Park- probably because my parents never let me watch it when I was a kid- but Cartman was ranked pretty highly in terms of evil cartoon characters, even compared with adult evildoers like Mr Burns from The Simpsons and Judge Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

 

And frankly it’s easy to see why. over the course of the show Cartman has proved a threat to global peace (trying to start a second Holocaust, trying to start a second American Civil War, used Somalian pirates to plunder ships), abused humans and animals alike (making babies diagnosed with fetal cocaine syndrome fight over a bag of coke, breaking Kenny’s cat’s leg,  intentionally giving Kyle HIV), and proved himself to be an all-round terrible human being (support for Hitler, involvement in terrorism).

 

Sid Phillips (Toy Story)

 

 

Sid is the ultimate villain in the first Toy Story movie, embodying the role of the evil scientist by torturing the toys, performing medical experiments on them (i.e. fixing the head of a Pterodactyl toy to his sister’s doll ) and attempting to blow them up using rockets.

 

Sid’s evilness is hotly debated on the internet because- initially- he does not know that toys are real and you cannot blame him for not treating inanimate objects like they’re sentient. But even leaving aside his toy torture, Sid is not a nice guy. He terrorizes his little sister, steals other children’s toys, and is bad enough to consistently get kicked out of summer camp.

 

However, following an attack by the toys, Sid does appear to have mended his ways and may even have dedicated his life to rescuing toys.

 

So which of these kids makes you scared about starting a family? Who would you add to the list? And what cartoon children actually make you want to have kids? (Mine is Lisa Simpson!) Let me know in the comments below.

 

 

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