Samira Wiley Got Married And Ellen Drank Too Much

It's all about love, who's got it, who doesn't, and who wants it.


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Orange Is the New Black's Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli Got Married

via Instagram

Orange is the New Black star (RIP) Samira Wiley and OITNB writer Lauren Morelli were married in Palm Springs on Saturday afternoon, March 25. Wiley and Morelli teamed up with Martha Stewart Weddings, who are slowly releasing exclusive details and photos of the ceremony. I know: isn’t in insane yet awesome that we live in a time when MARTHA FREAKING STEWART is making her wedding poster children an interracial lesbian couple? Life is neat. Anyway, according to Martha Stewart Weddings:

“Beth Helmstetter Events planned and designed the colorful, confetti-themed celebration, which came to be because of the couple's love for Funfetti cake and the idea that they wanted their day to feel fun, celebratory, and non-traditional. The afternoon began with an outdoor ceremony officiated by Samira's parents (with a recession up the aisle to Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It") and continued with the newlyweds making a grand entrance to the reception as Justin Bieber's "Baby" played... Both Samira and Lauren donned custom Christian Siriano ensembles, with Samira changing her look before hitting the patterned dance floor. Guests enjoyed dinner under colorful garlands and strands of lights, with vibrant floral-and-citrus centerpieces dotting wood tables set with graphic black-and-white plates, sleek white-and-gold flatware, and colorful, mismatched glassware. The first dance was accented by an explosive blast of confetti.”

 

Ellen Degeneres Passed Out Drunk But It Totally Wasn’t Because She Was Drunk

 

Ellen claims she “fell into a door” after only “two glasses of wine” because (and this is my favorite part) “the dogs were so happy to see her” and that’s how she dislocated her finger. 

Okay, girl.

Ellen DeGeneres had “two glasses of wine” and “slipped,” a new and innovative way to say she got drunk and sloppily ate floor. Why lie? If you’re going to own up to drinking when you dislocate your finger, go the full mile and admit to drinking a lot. Two glasses of wine do not an injury make. You’re famous! It’s okay (nay, expected) to be a bit of a lush. Own it.  

 

Kate McKinnon Nominated For Truly Bizarre Emmy

Kate McKinnon has been nominated for a daytime Emmy but not for the reason you'd expect. Apparently (and I did not know this, because why would I) McKinnon voices the role of “Squeeks” on the PBS program Nature Cat. And that garnered a (*daytime*) Emmy nod. I love cats, I love Kate, this program sounds like sheer perfection. My one question is: how the hell is PBS affording McKinnon? Your tax dollars at work. 

 

 

Cynthia Nixon’s Wife Was The First Woman She Ever Kissed

via Instagram

The SATC actress started dating and eventually married Christine Marinoni after divorcing her husband in 2003. While she now identifies as bisexual, Christine was apparently Nixon’s first same-sex experience. Off set. Who can remember that fantastic SATC episode when Nixon’s coworker (logically, let’s be real) assumed she was a lesbian and set her up with a super hot girl that Miranda treated quite poorly, as straight women are wont to do. In a new interview with The Radio Times, Nixon opened up about her first same-sex experience.

“I had never dated a woman before or even kissed a woman or anything [before Christine]. So when we started seeing each other, Christine kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to panic about what this would mean — to my career or to myself — as if somehow I just hadn’t noticed that she was a woman.” Nixon continued, “And then she met my mother and that was when she stopped worrying about it.” Presh.

 

No Girlfriends Release The “Fingering it Out” EP

LA based lesbian rock outfit No Girlfriends are known for their gritty, catchy songs about sex, exes, and everything in between. Now they’ve gone and upped the game with “Fingering it Out,” a crazy sexy new EP that had me hooked on replay by track one. Frontwoman Janelle explains: “Fingering it Out” has a song for everyone. There's a song about sex, a song about eating disorders, a song about making yourself crazy over another human being, and then finally, a song about sleeping on the couch while your ex has someone new in your bedroom, but you're too broke to break your lease and it isn't up until April.”

That’s real. Listen to the EP and follow No Girlfriends on  Spotify. P.S. The band is currently looking for a new drummer. Think you've got what it takes?

 

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