Ellen And Portia Are Still Married, Amber Heard Has The Last Laugh
Plus St. Vincent queers a classic.
Cara Delevingne Writes A Book
I am so excited to share the cover for my first novel MIRROR, MIRROR coming out 5th October. It’s a story about friendship, identity and the fact that appearances can be deceiving. I’m in love with the characters Red, Naomi, Leo and Rose who are feisty and vulnerable in equal measure and I can’t wait for you to meet them ... You can pre-order the book now by clicking on the link in my bio.
First of all, Mirror Mirror is already a dope-ass book about Snow White in a dark place. Get an original title, HarperCollins ghost writing department. Second, just look at the cover: “…with Rowan Coleman.” Cara Delevingne maybe read it once and said, “Brilliant love it, YA is so big right now, well done us” before bopping off to Ibiza to bang a few supermodels.
Cara Delevingne is an author in the same vein of Kylie Jenner. It might be a good thing if Cara didn’t write this book because it looks terrible. The lengthy synopsis begins thus:
Among the students of Pimlico Academy, Red, Leo, Rose, and Naomi are misfits—outsiders who have found a safe haven in music and their band, Mirror, Mirror. For these sixteen year olds, fitting in at school is nearly as difficult as navigating their complicated home lives. Red has an alcoholic mother and a father who’s never around. Leo’s brother is in prison. Rose uses sex and alcohol to numb the pain of a brutal attack. Naomi’s punk rock princess persona gives her the freedom to be her true self.
PIMLICO ACADEMY. RED, LEO, AND ROSE. Someone obviously got high while watching Titanic and eating Pimento beans and thought, “Well they’ve bought into Cara Delevingne as an actress and singer why not throw a deeply derivative YA novel at the wall and see if it sticks a profit?”
Forever 21 Rips Off The Lesbians At Wildfang, Lesbians Declare War
Forever 21 is known for knocking out knock-offs at staggeringly cheap prices. What’s their secret? Apparently, sweatshops and thievery! The latest Forever21 kerfuffle comes via lesbian-owned clothing company Wildfang. You’ve likely seen Wildfang’s signature “Tomboy” or “Wild Feminist” T-shirts on your favorite celesbians and Instagram it-girls.
Wildfang CEO and designer Emma Mcilroy took to Instagram to call out Forever21 for ripping off their design (see above) and explained her anger to Refinery29. “When you rip off that T-shirt, you’re not just ripping off us, you’re also taking money out of the pocket of Planned Parenthood and the ACLU, because 10% of every product that we make goes directly to them,” Mcilroy told Refinery29. “So, yeah, it’s just shitty... I would love to know how much everyone in that supply chain was paid, because I can tell you that I pay well above minimum wage for anyone in my company," she said. "I don’t know how you make a garment like that — ethically and sustainably — for 10 bucks.” She intends to pursue legal action against Forever 21.
I read this article while shopping for cheap athleisure on Forever21.com, and now I’m torn. On one hand, I just joined a gym and need a chic workout wardrobe for the toned, gorgeous body sure to spring forth from my fat flabs at any moment. On the other, Forever21 mass produces knock-offs of small, sustainable labels through child sweatshop labor and environmentally devastating manufacturing. What a pickle!
St. Vincent Is Becoming A Director, Talks Cara Delevingne
Unpopular opinion: St. Vincent is boring. She seems like a lovely, talented, private person who dates many beautiful, famous women. I report on her regularly. Yet she bores me. As long as you find her interesting, I suppose I’ll endure. We have two stories about St. Vincent. The first comes from an interview she did with The Guardian.
A lot of speculation (including some from yours truly) has been made about whether the songs on this LP are about Cara Delevingne. When asked directly, St. Vincent waffled a bit but eventually confirmed in the vaguest, least interesting of terms so distinctive to her personality.
“I’ve always kept my writing close to the vest. And by that I mean I’m always gonna write about my life. Sometimes, in the past, I did that way more obliquely than now. But it’s almost like an involuntary reflex. I can’t help but be living and also taking notes on what’s going on, always trying to figure out how to put that into a song. And that does not mean there’s literal truth in every lyric on the way. Of course not. But I can only write about my life, and that – dating Cara – was a big part of my life. I wouldn’t take it off-limits, just because my songs might get extra scrutiny. People would read into them what they would, and you know what? Whatever they thought they found there would be absolutely right. And at the same time it would be absolutely wrong.”
I have re-read that quote five times now and each time I do, it means less. This is why St. Vincent bores me. She speaks like a shifty defendant on Law and Order. Imagine:
Prosecutor: DNA evidence shows your fingerprints on the strangled waiter.
St. Vincent: Whatever they thought they found there would be absolutely right. And at the same time it would be absolutely wrong.
In our second piece of St. Vincent news, she is directing a movie reboot of Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Grey. There’s a twist: Dorian Grey will be... Female! Feminism wins! Rah rah!
Take My Wife In Limbo After Seeso Folds
A campaign to save Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher’s groundbreaking comedy “Take My Wife” is blazing through the internet. But will it be enough?
A little background: Take My Wife is a half-hour comedy revolving around the life, love, and work of real-life comedian couple Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher. The first season aired last August on Seeso, NBC’s experimental comedy streaming service. The second season recently finished shooting and was set to air soon. This month, Seeso announced that will be shutting down. Some Seeso shows have already found another home, but Take My Wife has not. This is staggering. Take My Wife is a critically acclaimed show with a record amount of diversity, both behind and in front of the camera. A quarter of the cast is women of color, and more than half identify as LGBT.
After Seeso’s announcement, Cameron took to Twitter to express her pride in creating such a diverse, record-breaking show. From that tweet sprang a grass roots campaign of Take My Wife fans and LGBTQ advocates to save Take My Wife by bringing it to another streaming service or network.
The campaign has made headlines, but Take My Wife has yet to find an official home. In an interview with NewNowNext, Esposito said “The Twitter campaign has brought some calls and emails, which is unbelievable,” Esposito says. “I really just posted our stats behind the camera and in casting so folks would know it was possible to work that way. This has taken on a life of its own and that has me hopeful.”
It’s absolutely incredible that no network is willing to air a show with a large fanbase and great publicity that has already been shot. The expensive part is done! This lack of interest highlights the grim fact that for most networks, LGBTQ representation is only important in lip service. This is the easiest way imaginable to cater to LGBTQ audiences, and yet no site is willing to do the bare minimum to air a popular, established show with critical acclaim and a devoted fanbase. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Networks and streaming services are happy to feed LGBTQ audiences dubious scraps and pat themselves on the back for their altruism. They’re full of crap, and this proves it.
Ellen And Portia Celebrate Nine Years Of Marriage
After nine years, Ellen and Portia are still conspicuously smitten with each other. The two married on August 16th 2008, and remain deliriously in love. Both took to Instagram to reminisce about their anniversary. In lieu of long, flowery speeches, both kept it simple. Ellen posted a black and white photograph of them on their wedding day accompanied by the caption “Being her wife is the greatest thing I am.” Portia chose a blurry shot of the two embracing and beaming into the camera, writing “We've been together so long that not only do we look like kids in this picture, but it was taken with a camera! Happy 9th, Thing.” Ellen and Portia are truly the Barack and Michelle of lesbians.
Amber Heard Burns Politician In Sweet Dog Vengeance
Amber Heard reached into her soul and summoned a beautiful slice of petty, two years in the cooking. Let us all savor. Two years ago, Heard and her then-husband Johnny Depp brought their Yorkshire Terriers into Australia without declaring the dogs at customs. Australia is notoriously strict about bringing animals and plants into the country’s delicate, unique ecosystem and was not about to make an exception for celebrities. Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce (fabulous name for a bureaucrat) accused the couple of “dog smuggling,” publicly shaming the actors and even threatening to euthanize the dogs, stating, “If you come into this nation and you don’t obey our laws, you’re in trouble.” Heard and Depp made an unintentionally hilarious apology video and scampered out of the country, tails between their proverbial legs.
Now, in a searing bit of irony, news has broken that Joyce might technically be a New Zealand citizen, making him legally ineligible for his position in parliament. The rules have turned on the rule enforcer, and Heard can barely contain her glee. Heard tweeted:
Hannah Hart’s New Show Debuts On The Food Network
The ultra-successful lesbian YouTuber behind My Drunk Kitchen just kicked off her network TV career with I Hart Food, a new show on The Food Network. I Hart Food follows Hart across America as she tries the signature dishes of American cities. Airing on Mondays at 10/9c, I Hart Food sounds like a classic Food Network formula modernized by a YouTube star host. As someone who recently watched a season of The Next Food Network Star and found it inexplicably engrossing, I’m excited to watch a lesbian beam into the camera while taking advantage of this tried and true genre.