Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend
Many of you have come to see me perform my solo show Queens Girl. I have written about it on this blog, it has been written about in magazines and this fall I’ve rewritten the whole darn thing. Kamica said, “Why are you changing it? I like it.” So do a lot of people, but its current state does not match the caliber of show that I want to perform. Performing it around the world caused me to see where the holes are. To go on performing something I know is not as good as it needs to be is well…faking it. And you can’t fake something that takes up a large chunk of your time.
For the show to match my vision, a new-age version of A Bronx Tale and Hedwig and the Angry Inch appreciated by the mainstream masses, I need a new creative team. Now here lies my strength—gathering intelligent wonderful people together. Here also lies the sign. For six straight months I’ve done all my usual maneuvers and much much much more, but no dice. Nada. Niente. The team does not exist. When I came back from India I thought that the folks that I had down as potentials would come through. It seemed so hopeful before I left, but on my return there was no one to be found at the Queens Girl party.
Ru McClanahan said to me in a Q&A session during a book tour event: “I always knew that it was uphill all the way.” My experience during the past six months with Queens Girl doesn’t feel like an uphill battle, it feels like a hard row against a strong current that’s about to go over Niagara Falls. I’ve taken that feeling as a sign to get off the boat and let it sail over. Maybe I’ll see it again. Maybe not. There is no way to see. I’ve got to let it go.
Which gets me back to 2010 and my loss as to “the plan.” Queens Girl was my plan for spring and summer. Now there is a huge gaping hole in 2010 outlook. As I watch festival deadlines fly past me I’m staying calm in my resolution to not perform a piece that is not as fabulous as it deserves to be and shocked that I’m not freaking out more. This was my pet project after all, now it is finished having finding a life of its own. By letting it go I’m honoring its natural progression.
Without my show I am kinda like other actors—only auditioning for other people’s projects. I don’t feel as powerless in the process as I did before Queens Girl because I know that I have the capacity to create something wonderful. A few curators called and asked me to perform in their shows—the variety types. I think I’ll do them. Nothing fancy. For now I think that I’m going to simply stand on a stage and tell stories. Small little story arcs in the midst of a the loss of a great dream.
Bloggers Bio: Lauren LoGiudice is an actor, model, performance artist, writer, host, producer, improv comedian and amateur chef. A native New Yorker—born in Queens, now living out in Brooklyn—who likes to shake the dust of the outer boroughs off to travel the world, living and working in places that range from India to Mexico to Italy. Part of the slim minority who does not like bacon, potato chips or milk chocolate. Often seen in farmer’s markets trolling for and the latest weird vegetable. Eats her greens. (laurenlogiudice.com)