Queerie Bradshaw

02/16/10

Time for a Game Plan

Last September, I went on date after date, sometimes two in a day, making my way through the singles in town. It didn’t really work out with anyone, but I assumed I was open to more than just sex because I was out there, giving it a go.That assumption stayed until two things happened last week. First, I realized it had been 3 months since I went on a date. I have hooked up with women since then, but it has all been the main show with no romantic prologues.Second, Token Straight Guy pointed out how ridiculous it is that a quality I admire in a gal is that she doesn’t live in town. I always attributed this to me wanting to avoid conflicts in my life, but when I got excited to pursue someone because she’s moving out of state, I realized it may be more of a...

Posted at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

02/10/10

Alone in a Crowded Bar

Living in a small college town, the hetero-homogeny of bars frustrates me. Sure, we queers have a tiny closet to dance in on weekends and our night at the big club once a month, but other than that we’re on our own.It’s not that I don’t enjoy breeders, it’s just that I’m tired of watching them hook up night after night while I go home to Patches, my beat up old teddy bear. Token Straight Guy and Lee, our good buddy, took me skiing for my first time since I was 7 this weekend. After three hours of shockingly good sportsmanship, I left the boys to their black diamond runs and made my way to the bar in the lodge.A tatted up guy next to me suggested I have a “Face Plant” – rum, brandy, mint schnapps and hot chocolate – and his...

Posted at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

02/03/10

The Dark Side of the Wave

After a tsunami hits, the most damage is done by the dark side of the wave quickly receding back into the ocean depths, taking everything in its path with it. Past experiences have taught me that the same concept is true for floods of emotions.I once allowed my emotions to be released with full force, and went a bit crazy when I had to reign them back in. This is the story of my own emotional Tsunami:We were interning at Curve magazine when we met. I vividly remember my reaction to her walking in late to our first day’s orientation. She looked like someone I knew, someone I’d always known, and I immediately thought to myself that I was in serious trouble.We spent months sending hilarious and flirtatious emails to each other across the table and got in trouble more than once...

Posted at 05:27 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

01/27/10

Annoyance is an Emotion

For the third time in as many months, I took a girl home for casual sex, only to find out she wished for something more formal. She pursued me all night, asked me to come inside and then just laid there, curled in my lap, talking about her vulnerability after her break up and desire to find a new girlfriend. I expected the throw-me-on-the-couch-and-fuck-me night she promised, but instead I played therapist once again. Not that I mind being there for people, I’m just tired of doing it half naked with bluvaries.I’m a courageous person, but I don’t have the kind of resilience it takes to constantly fall in and out of love. Friends of mine go from one relationship to the other, some of them even with overlap. After each relationship ends, they boldly venture into...

Posted at 02:10 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

01/19/10

Ditchbanking

Ditchbank [dɪtʃbæŋk], v., to drive to the country, park on the bank of a ditch and have sexual intercourse.In the small farming town where I grew up, we have this fabulous phenomenon called ditchbanking. Having nothing to do for entertainment, we have a lot of sex. Having no where to go without familial units present, we are forced to have said sex in cars in the country.You ain’t lived until you’ve been crammed into a small cab, country music crooning late hour love songs, Coors Light cans and shotgun shells at your feet, the smell of cow manure from the local feedlot mixing with essence of Marlboro, your head pounding from hitting the exposed door handle over and over again.Those were the days.I lost my virginity, some dignity and a few friends on the banks of...

Posted at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

01/13/10

Partially Exposed

Sometimes I forget that people I know read this blog regularly.Last week, after the blog went live, I had about five friends email me to “check-in.” One of those people was Mamacita, a dear older friend who is like my mother, that is if my mother and I talked about our sex lives. Turns out she’s bookmarked the blog and reads it every week.Mamacita said she loved my “sexentures” but was worried about one in particular. She wasn’t judging my decision to sleep with The Wind, but was concerned about the outcome of it.This sentiment seemed to be the same with all my friends, especially those I talked to personally. Only one person commented on the fact that I hooked-up with three people in one week, yet everyone had something to say about one of them being...

Posted at 05:17 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

01/05/10

My Inner Romantic Peeks Out

December was full of potentially dramatic situations, yet somehow it stayed drama free. This wasn’t due to my ability to avoid conflict as much as my ability to shut off emotionally. This was both a benefit and a curse as I concluded the month by hooking up with three different women in one week.The first was a topless dancer in a gay bar in San Diego, the second was a good friend, and the third was The Wind.Yes, The Wind. As in my ex. As in the one I retrieved my dildo from in my first blog “Back in the Harness Again.” As in the one who I went through months of therapy and meditation to move on from.Talk about pushing the drama potential. I’d been doing so well at having non-emotionally attached sex, it was a shock to let myself go with someone again, especially...

Posted at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

12/29/09

From Classy to Trashy, All in One Night, Part II

...Continued from last week.It wasn’t the price or the location that drew me to this Motel 6, but the pure tawdry value of it. As a writer, I get off on a good story, and everything about this place screamed future blog post.It was 3 a.m. when we arrived and Zuko had to dodge drunken men and women meandering out of the strip club next door to park. I went inside alone, and the bearded lady at the desk handed me two keys and said she wouldn’t charge me for the extra person because we wouldn’t be using the room for very long.I love the assumptions she made without me saying a word.It was right about now that Zuko confided in me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for what it meant to be in an open relationship. Which meant she didn’t know if she’d put...

Posted at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments: 0

12/22/09

From Classy to Trashy, All in One Night, Part I

I woke up Sunday morning in a Motel 6 next to a strip club to a woman yelling "I need a large black trash bag quick!" The Italian I was entangled in and I turned to each other and laughingly said, "I don't want to know."The evening started out much classier, I swear. Donning a suit, I listened to NCLR’s lead counsel Shannon Minter talk about the role of the State of Oregon in the LGBT rights movement. I felt inspired, excited and elegant for four glorious hours before heading out to the after party.Still wearing my sophisticated lawyer bling, I strutted out to take full advantage of my night in “the big city.” When you’re stuck in law school in a small town, it’s easy to get excited about having more than one gay bar to attend. Because I...

Posted at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

12/15/09

Opening the Door with Labels

I’m a gal who loves labels. Be it butch or femme, Chanel or Chloe, a label tells you what you’re getting. If I walk into a store and buy a Gucci tie, I know it’ll be masculine with an undertone of feminine style, and if I find a butch to put it on, I want to know she’ll be the same.I understand people’s fears of labels. Everyone is afraid of being stereotyped and fenced in. But as queer women, aren’t we supposed to like boxes? Sexual innuendos aside, we are a community that wants to know what we’re getting ourselves in to. Dating sites have questionnaires allowing for top, bottom or switch type categorizations for a reason. People don’t want to spend hours flirting just to end up with two quarterbacks and no wide receiver. I’m more...

Posted at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

	02/16/10 Time for a Game Plan Last September, I went on date after date, sometimes two in a day, making my way through the singles in town. It didn’t really work out with anyone, but I assumed I was open to more than just sex because I was out there, giving it a go.That assumption stayed until two things happened last week. First, I realized it had been 3 months since I went on a date. I have hooked up with women since then, but it has all been the main show with no romantic prologues.Second, Token Straight Guy pointed out how ridiculous it is that a quality I admire in a gal is that she doesn’t live in town. I always attributed this to me wanting to avoid conflicts in my life, but when I got excited to pursue someone because she’s moving out of state, I realized it may be more of a... Posted at 01:21 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	02/10/10 Alone in a Crowded Bar Living in a small college town, the hetero-homogeny of bars frustrates me. Sure, we queers have a tiny closet to dance in on weekends and our night at the big club once a month, but other than that we’re on our own.It’s not that I don’t enjoy breeders, it’s just that I’m tired of watching them hook up night after night while I go home to Patches, my beat up old teddy bear. Token Straight Guy and Lee, our good buddy, took me skiing for my first time since I was 7 this weekend. After three hours of shockingly good sportsmanship, I left the boys to their black diamond runs and made my way to the bar in the lodge.A tatted up guy next to me suggested I have a “Face Plant” – rum, brandy, mint schnapps and hot chocolate – and his... Posted at 04:24 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	02/03/10 The Dark Side of the Wave After a tsunami hits, the most damage is done by the dark side of the wave quickly receding back into the ocean depths, taking everything in its path with it. Past experiences have taught me that the same concept is true for floods of emotions.I once allowed my emotions to be released with full force, and went a bit crazy when I had to reign them back in. This is the story of my own emotional Tsunami:We were interning at Curve magazine when we met. I vividly remember my reaction to her walking in late to our first day’s orientation. She looked like someone I knew, someone I’d always known, and I immediately thought to myself that I was in serious trouble.We spent months sending hilarious and flirtatious emails to each other across the table and got in trouble more than once... Posted at 05:27 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	01/27/10 Annoyance is an Emotion For the third time in as many months, I took a girl home for casual sex, only to find out she wished for something more formal. She pursued me all night, asked me to come inside and then just laid there, curled in my lap, talking about her vulnerability after her break up and desire to find a new girlfriend. I expected the throw-me-on-the-couch-and-fuck-me night she promised, but instead I played therapist once again. Not that I mind being there for people, I’m just tired of doing it half naked with bluvaries.I’m a courageous person, but I don’t have the kind of resilience it takes to constantly fall in and out of love. Friends of mine go from one relationship to the other, some of them even with overlap. After each relationship ends, they boldly venture into... Posted at 02:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	01/19/10 Ditchbanking Ditchbank [dɪtʃbæŋk], v., to drive to the country, park on the bank of a ditch and have sexual intercourse.In the small farming town where I grew up, we have this fabulous phenomenon called ditchbanking. Having nothing to do for entertainment, we have a lot of sex. Having no where to go without familial units present, we are forced to have said sex in cars in the country.You ain’t lived until you’ve been crammed into a small cab, country music crooning late hour love songs, Coors Light cans and shotgun shells at your feet, the smell of cow manure from the local feedlot mixing with essence of Marlboro, your head pounding from hitting the exposed door handle over and over again.Those were the days.I lost my virginity, some dignity and a few friends on the banks of... Posted at 01:33 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 3
	01/13/10 Partially Exposed Sometimes I forget that people I know read this blog regularly.Last week, after the blog went live, I had about five friends email me to “check-in.” One of those people was Mamacita, a dear older friend who is like my mother, that is if my mother and I talked about our sex lives. Turns out she’s bookmarked the blog and reads it every week.Mamacita said she loved my “sexentures” but was worried about one in particular. She wasn’t judging my decision to sleep with The Wind, but was concerned about the outcome of it.This sentiment seemed to be the same with all my friends, especially those I talked to personally. Only one person commented on the fact that I hooked-up with three people in one week, yet everyone had something to say about one of them being... Posted at 05:17 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 1
	01/05/10 My Inner Romantic Peeks Out December was full of potentially dramatic situations, yet somehow it stayed drama free. This wasn’t due to my ability to avoid conflict as much as my ability to shut off emotionally. This was both a benefit and a curse as I concluded the month by hooking up with three different women in one week.The first was a topless dancer in a gay bar in San Diego, the second was a good friend, and the third was The Wind.Yes, The Wind. As in my ex. As in the one I retrieved my dildo from in my first blog “Back in the Harness Again.” As in the one who I went through months of therapy and meditation to move on from.Talk about pushing the drama potential. I’d been doing so well at having non-emotionally attached sex, it was a shock to let myself go with someone again, especially... Posted at 12:34 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 2
	12/29/09 From Classy to Trashy, All in One Night, Part II ...Continued from last week.It wasn’t the price or the location that drew me to this Motel 6, but the pure tawdry value of it. As a writer, I get off on a good story, and everything about this place screamed future blog post.It was 3 a.m. when we arrived and Zuko had to dodge drunken men and women meandering out of the strip club next door to park. I went inside alone, and the bearded lady at the desk handed me two keys and said she wouldn’t charge me for the extra person because we wouldn’t be using the room for very long.I love the assumptions she made without me saying a word.It was right about now that Zuko confided in me that she wasn’t sure she was ready for what it meant to be in an open relationship. Which meant she didn’t know if she’d put... Posted at 11:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	12/22/09 From Classy to Trashy, All in One Night, Part I I woke up Sunday morning in a Motel 6 next to a strip club to a woman yelling "I need a large black trash bag quick!" The Italian I was entangled in and I turned to each other and laughingly said, "I don't want to know."The evening started out much classier, I swear. Donning a suit, I listened to NCLR’s lead counsel Shannon Minter talk about the role of the State of Oregon in the LGBT rights movement. I felt inspired, excited and elegant for four glorious hours before heading out to the after party.Still wearing my sophisticated lawyer bling, I strutted out to take full advantage of my night in “the big city.” When you’re stuck in law school in a small town, it’s easy to get excited about having more than one gay bar to attend. Because I... Posted at 12:03 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	12/15/09 Opening the Door with Labels I’m a gal who loves labels. Be it butch or femme, Chanel or Chloe, a label tells you what you’re getting. If I walk into a store and buy a Gucci tie, I know it’ll be masculine with an undertone of feminine style, and if I find a butch to put it on, I want to know she’ll be the same.I understand people’s fears of labels. Everyone is afraid of being stereotyped and fenced in. But as queer women, aren’t we supposed to like boxes? Sexual innuendos aside, we are a community that wants to know what we’re getting ourselves in to. Dating sites have questionnaires allowing for top, bottom or switch type categorizations for a reason. People don’t want to spend hours flirting just to end up with two quarterbacks and no wide receiver. I’m more... Posted at 01:42 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0

Lesbian sex and dating