Feb 16, 201001:21 PMQueerie Bradshaw

Lesbian sex and dating

Time for a Game Plan

Feb 16, 2010 - 01:21 PM
Time for a Game Plan

Photo: J. Robert Williams

Last September, I went on date after date, sometimes two in a day, making my way through the singles in town. It didn’t really work out with anyone, but I assumed I was open to more than just sex because I was out there, giving it a go.

That assumption stayed until two things happened last week. First, I realized it had been 3 months since I went on a date. I have hooked up with women since then, but it has all been the main show with no romantic prologues.

Second, Token Straight Guy pointed out how ridiculous it is that a quality I admire in a gal is that she doesn’t live in town. I always attributed this to me wanting to avoid conflicts in my life, but when I got excited to pursue someone because she’s moving out of state, I realized it may be more of a blockade. 

In my attempt to actively move out of my bubble and open up, I beefed up my profiles on Curve personals and Ok Cupid, added profiles on Planet Sappho, Chemistry and She Date, and posted multiple ads on Craigslist.

Then I waited.

And waited.

In a pen full of male and female sheep, the females roam around sticking their parts in faces and the males jump on top and have at it. In a pen full of male sheep everyone is jumping on top of everyone else having a go. Yet, in a pen full of female sheep, there is just have a bunch of women sticking their parts in each other’s faces, waiting for someone, anyone, to make a move.

Such is the life of a lesbian. 

Too often I find myself waiting around for someone to ask for my number. I’m a bold woman with little inhibitions, yet I still can’t seem to pick someone up at a bar. 

Instead, I sit there, Crackberry in hand, checking my online dating accounts, waiting for someone, anyone, to write me.

To be fair, like I said in last week’s post, I do hang out mostly at straight bars, so hitting on girls isn’t as much as an option. That said, it’s become completely apparent that I need to be more proactive in my dating if I want to find someone. 

I’ve decided that embracing brazenness is the first step. Sure, most women don’t appreciate when you come up to them and say “hey baby, wanna fuck,” but my extensive questionnaire of three friends has told me that most queer women will appreciate someone coming to talk to them.

The second, and most important step, is to define what I’m looking for more concretely. My theory is that people are more inclined to approach you, and react to your approaches, if they know they have a chance. 

Furthermore, having a type in mind helps me focus my search, instead of trying everyone out without really giving anyone a chance, like I’ve been doing. So, I made a list of things I want—sex, no drugs, love of rock and roll—and I’m going to put it on my profiles and out into the universe today.

The third, and final step for this week, is to respond to people’s ads. I appreciate it when people respond to mine, so I’m extending that courtesy to others. As of this writing, I’ve responded to four people this week who were looking for something I could give.

With my game plan, and some encouragement from my friends, I’m heading out into the dating world with gusto and determination later this week.

But for now, I’m sitting in a straight bar, drinking some Ninkasi IPA, and checking my online dating profiles on my Blackberry. I guess change does take time.


Blogger Bio:Queerie Bradshaw loves shoes, social justice and sex. Born a farmer's daughter, she believes everyone deserves a good roll in the hay, and feels empowered by her feminine sexuality. She frequently travels both domestically and abroad, exploring women and wine from all regions. Now a law student who dances burlesque on the side, she fights for international rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of good porn. You can follow her on Twitter (twitter.com/QueerieBradshaw) and become a fan of hers on Facebook.

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