My wife and I have been going back and forth about whether to have another child.
It seems only natural for parents of an only child to be asked the following question:
Are you going to have another?
My wife and I have been asked this question so many times that I’ve lost count. Friends, family members, coworkers, acquaintances and even strangers want to know to the answer. The problem is—we don’t have one.
Both of us love the way things are right now. Maggie is a joy, and our family unit is strong. We have a routine. We are comfortable. After two years of staying home with Maggie, I’m back to work again. But if we were to have another child, I’d prefer to stay home with him or her just as I did with Maggie.
I’m not sure I’m ready to do that yet. But time is ticking.
My wife doesn’t want to try to have kids five years from now. The age gap between Maggie and a sibling is also a consideration. If we are going to have another child, we can’t wait too long. So, our window of opportunity is a short one. For us, having a child takes planning. There’s no “oops” or unexpected surprises. We have to go through a lengthy process that takes time, and we have to decide on a variety of factors that come into play.
If I sound noncommittal either way, it’s because I am. I want to make sure we have another child for the right reasons. People have shared a variety of opinions on this, and the following are some of what I believe to be the wrong reasons:
You can’t only have one.
Maggie needs a playmate.
Every child should have a sibling.
Don’t you miss the baby stage?
I don’t want us to have another child so Maggie has a playmate, or because I miss the baby stage or because it’s the expectation or “norm.” If we are going to have another child, I want it to be because we both want to have another child and not for any other reason.
Like I said before, we don’t have an answer yet. But there is one thing I know for sure—I never thought I wanted to be a mother in the first place. Maggie has changed my world undoubtedly in ways I could have never imagined. We have one blessing in our lives and if she’s the only blessing we have, I’m okay with that.
I’m not closing the door on an additional blessing, either.