What If Your Child Is The Bully?

How much can you really influence your child to be a “good person”?

A friend made a comment to me the other day in regards to bullying. She said she would feel even worse if her children ever became the bullies instead of the bullied. I never thought about it like that before. I’ve been so concerned with protecting my daughter from bullying that I didn’t think to flip it around.

 

What if she became a bully?

 

The thought makes my stomach turn. I can’t imagine Maggie ever being mean to anyone. But, there are parents out there who think the same thing about their kids, the ones who are actually caught bullying a classmate at school or on social media.

 

I know what it feels like to be bullied. One of my brother’s good friends used to tease me and say nasty things to me at school or at parties. It was minor compared to what some other people have endured, but it was bullying none-the-less. His words have stuck with me to this day. Every once in a while, something triggers a memory and the emotional floodgates burst open. Suddenly, I’m an awkward teenager again dealing with my insecurities thanks to someone else’s judgments.

 

But what about him? Does he ever look back and think about the things he said to me? Does he feel remorseful? Does he understand the damage he did, however miniscule he thinks it is?

 

I don’t know what it’s like to be a bully, although there were times in my life I was less than nice to certain individuals. I’ve since made peace with them. Having been on both sides of the fence (to some extent), I can honestly say that I hope Maggie doesn’t experience either. I don’t want her to carry the pain of being bullied nor do I want her to carry the burden of being the bully. I want her to be a good person, the kind that is friends with people up and down the social spectrum.

 

Maybe that is asking too much. I don’t know. What I do know is by the time Maggie goes to middle school and high school, having two moms will most likely be a non-factor in her social life. It will come down to who she is as a person, and I can only hope my wife and I have done our best to mold Maggie into someone who is compassionate, caring and kind-hearted.

 

The rest is up to her.

 

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