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07/28/10
I'm moving in with my gal this fall. We found a great place to rent, not buy--what a relief to have made that decision! We told a couple of friends, but don’t have enough time to tell all of them personally, life happens, work happens and really, they all knew we were considering it, looking at apartments and would eventually cohabitate.So, I posted a note on Facebook with an ironic message intended to disarm those folks who’s not-so-sunny disposition inevitably leads them to spill their personal issues all over me and my girlfriend. “Yes, you found out abt it on Facebook,” I posted, because in 2010 it seems Facebook is an acceptable venue to announce, well, just about anything.And, while I used to think it’s a bit tacky to announce engagements, pregnancies...
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07/19/10
I begin a well-paying, fulltime job next week. I will soon have subsidized health insurance that also includes dental and vision coverage (both of which I need, badly). The company I am going to work for offers domestic partner benefits, too. My girlfriend doesn’t have health insurance and hasn’t for many years. What do to?Simple answer? Register as domestic partners in New York City and put her on my insurance. Not so simple, however, because neither of us believes in marriage (or its bastard cousin domestic partnership), as feminists or as lesbians. And this so-called marriage equality business is making me angry and frustrated of late and I need to spell it all out.As a community, as a nation and as a world in the year two-thousand ten we have people going homeless and...
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07/02/10
I found out early last Thursday morning the friend's house where which I was supposed to be staying for the remainder of my time in London had to postpone—and potentially cancel—her trip. This was because her wife had not yet received her visa from the country to which they were planning to travel.I panicked for a minute and then went into action mode. Good ol' Craigslist proved very helpful. I found a lead on an inexpensive sublet in East London and a few rooms to rent, too, in Kensington near where I was already staying in a cheap-o hotel. The first flat was a 3-story gem in Hackney occupied by a New York music journalist and her British boyfriend. Bingo! I took it on the spot, pending my friend and her wife’s situation on Friday. Friday night it was a...
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06/18/10
It seems lately some of my friends have become quite needy. Neediness isn’t a quality I particularly admire in anyone, friends or lovers. Several of my friends are adamantly demanding attention I just cannot give them. There are only 24 hours in a day, I’m a busy person just as they are, and I don’t have time to answer every single email or return every phone call immediately, especially not on command.I mean of course if there were an emergency, I would drop everything to help. But, these are intrusive demands for my time and attention at a time when I simply cannot give it. First, I’m traveling and the time difference is a real challenge. Second, I am traveling for a reason: to finish some personal writing by the end of the month, and all my friends know of my...
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06/11/10
I’m currently traveling in the UK. My girl and I have been apart for a week now and while I miss her, I don’t feel dependant on her or our relationship to find social or intellectual stimulation (sexual stimulation is another story). We do Skype, it’s a free and easy way to keep in touch, but I have to tell you I am finding traveling alone a kind of test (which we have both passed) for our relationship and my relationship to our relationship.Let me explain. As fiercely independent and communicative as I am now, I used to be pretty needy and very shut down. I find these days, however, the more open our channel of communications the more alive my relationship to and with my girl is, no matter where in the world either of us are. The reason: therapy.Psychotherapy with a...
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06/02/10
I was moving some stuff over to my girlfriend’s apartment over the weekend because I stay there quite a bit and we are trying to consolidate and eliminate. See, we are planning to move in together. Notice I said planning. This is an eventuality, not an immediate happening.So many dykes have asked us if we live together and are shocked that after almost a year and a half together we do not. That old barb, written by Lea Delaria in the '80s, about brining a U-Haul on the second date was the furthest thing from either of our minds when we met each other. I have indeed moved in very quickly in the past, always at the cost of really getting to know my lover before moving in with her and always to my extreme detriment in the long run.Although I am not at all interested in marriage,...
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05/12/10
Last weekend my girlfriend and I went sex toy preview shopping at Babeland on the Lower East Side. That location was the first in N.Y.C. and I still prefer it to the swanky SoHo boutique or the too-small Brooklyn store.My girlfriend says that somehow on stepping over the threshold of the joint, she regresses to a teenager. She giggles when touching the dildos and is uncomfortable when approached by the pierced and tattooed young non-gendered sales individuals. She attributes this to the first time she visited Babeland in Seattle oh-so-many years ago with her best friend. It was her very first time ever in a sex toy store, let alone one where you could actually touch the merchandise. When she finally got up enough courage to pick up a large vibrating tongue, she turned it on,...
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04/29/10
A friend recently told me she had read the last few entries of this blog: “It’s great that you and [my girlfriend] are still having monkey sex after, what, almost a year and a half?”One of my girlfriend’s friends, whom she doesn’t see much of but with whom she maintains close phone contact, will say every so often, when my name comes up, “So, you guys are still together?”I’m getting the drift that it’s unusual—or at least perceived as unusual—to have a happy, thriving primary relationship that involves great sex, and a lot of it, after a year’s time. Even my therapist says that she’s amazed we’re still having sex and that we don’t argue much at all, even though we are both totally strapped...
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04/21/10
I’m not one to bow to peer pressure. I usually don’t even feel it or deal with it. For example, people often want me to have beer with them, but I don’t drink alcohol for the most part. So I don’t have a drink even when they appeal to me to “just have one.” I also don’t want to get married though it seems the main focus of much of the lesbian community these days. I don’t even want to think about raising children even though among my generation of lesbians it’s been the craze for some time.But, the pressure to be poly is a different beast altogether. “Are you two exclusive?” friends and acquaintances will ask me in a disapproving tone about me and my girlfriend. Or “You’re not monogamous,” with the tail...
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04/15/10
A friend from Paris has been staying with me for the past two weeks. I live in a studio, large by New York standards, but still, two people in a studio apartment equals no privacy. So, I have been spending a lot of time at my girlfriend’s place lately. Yes, even with the roommate here!We’ve been madly crushing over each other, having more sex than ever: every night for the past eight days at least, sometimes during the day, too. It’s too sexy, to be together for almost a year and a half and be even more crazy attracted to one another than in the beginning. Yup, we’ve been up to our elbows and eyelashes in pussy for hours and hours and hours.We are indeed still getting to know each other and it’s making for quite the sultry brew. I cannot remember how I ever...
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