Web Articles 2011

Trouble In Mind

01/18/12

Trouble In Mind

"I have to leave by 8 pm. I have to meet Stephanie," is what my girlfriend told someone she was hanging out with the other day. To which the other person responded, "Oh, are you going to get in trouble if you're late." "No, we agreed to meet at home to spend time together," my girlfriend replied, a bit flummoxed. I don't get this idea of punitive relationships. I mean, of course I get it, I've been in relationships where my partner has tracked my every move and monitored all my activities and friendships, but that is captivity and domestic abuse. I'm talking about healthy adult relationships that almost no one seems to have. The kind of relationship where you don't see your girlfriend all day, but are so thrilled to...

Posted at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Winter Soul-stice

12/27/11

Winter Soul-stice

It’s early Saturday morning on Christmas Eve of the Christian celebration Christmas and the commercial secular holiday of the same name. I prefer all-year-round good will myself, X-mas if I have to refer to the “holiday” at all. My girlfriend has been bah-humbugging it for weeks. “Why bother getting all down about it?” I ask her. “I’m just glad to have an extra day off from work and more time to spend with you.” “I guess I’m not there yet,” she replies. We both laugh. This morning we are going to shoot hoops. We’ve been talking about it since we moved into this apartment over a year ago. We live across from a neighborhood park with a basketball court that is almost always in use. We can hear...

Posted at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Tired Sex

11/18/11

Tired Sex

The other night my gal and I crawled into bed together at the end of a very long day. I had come from staffing an on-the-job event late into the night and she had got off late, too, from her crummy per diem job. I was exhausted and my out-of-shape body felt the weight of 48 years of various sorts of psychological and physical abuse, the indignity of a lifetime of slave wage labor and other psychological and physical degradation. My girl is a day worker whose boss doesn’t give her a lunch break or even time to pee. I am a cog in the corporate machine, just another warm body filling a seat and grinding away at something that doesn’t really matter in the larger scheme of things. I looked at my girlfriend and sighed. “I’m so tired, so very...

Posted at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments: 4

The Period and the Pause

09/12/11

The Period and the Pause

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I had a partial hysterectomy two days after I met my girlfriend. Since we didn’t know each other except for one drive-by coffee date, she very politely said she would email me sometime during my recovery (which ended up being four weeks) to see how I was faring.My hysterectomy was the best fucking that ever happened to me! It stemmed the constant heavy, endless, everyday bleeding that had been going on for nearly two years and which my gynecologist tossed off as “Oh, you’re just peri-menopausal.” It took three years, two D&Cs, hormones, acupuncture, customized herbal concoctions, horrible mood swings and more until I finally went for a second opinion to a feminist sex educator and registered nurse...

Posted at 06:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

What is Pride?

07/08/11

What is Pride?

I haven't been to a Pride march for years, mostly because they are corporate-sponsored events that lack any sort of meaning to me and any resonance or recognition of the political history on which the pride parade, at least in New York, is based.Of course this year, at least in New York, there was the passage of the marriage equality legislation on the eve of Pride to celebrate—if you are of the marriage-supporting kind and if you didn't read the fine print of that "victory." The legislation allows religious organizations, non-profits and businesses to deny recognition, benefits and services to gay couples. Ergo gay and straight  marriage are not equal in New York State. So much for the New York "victory."Elsewhere in N.Y.C, QuORUM (Queers Organizing for...

Posted at 05:58 PM | Permalink | Comments: 7

Sisters-in-Arms

06/13/11

Sisters-in-Arms

You know how people often ask a lesbian couple or two lesbian friends if they are sisters—meaning blood relatives, biological siblings?Well, I was on the subway with my gal last night, the L train heading into Brooklyn and we were sitting across from what seemed to be a heterosexual duo. They were a hipster couple, and I use the term “couple” loosely because although they were tonguing each other, the dude was barely north of gay. They eventually got off at the stop before ours, in a much hipper neighborhood.The woman in the pair caught our eyes and asked if we were sisters. “You have the same nose,” she smiled, “that’s how I came to my conclusion.”Well, as it turns out my girl and I do have similar size and shaped noses, but we...

Posted at 04:06 PM | Permalink | Comments: 5

Finalmente a Casa

05/18/11

Finalmente a Casa

We are finally home, thank goodness. Hello Brooklyn, the creative buzz and cool energy of New York City and our own comfortable apartment. Goodbye suburban dystopia.Meeting my girlfriend’s family went well, considering.Considering that her mother had our whole stay mapped out, chock full of activities and planned to the nth degree. That we stayed in her sister’s house that made me—quote literally—ill, and we were “captive” in some relative or another’s car for the entire trip from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. A few breakthroughs: Her mom said she wants a photo of the two of us to put on her fridge, and for us to appear with the mom and the sister and brother-in-law in a professional family photo. That the religious auntie who was not “supposed”...

Posted at 11:32 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

Meet the Fockers

04/07/11

Meet the Fockers

Tomorrow my girlfriend and I leave for a five-day visit to her hometown in the western U.S. It’s finally time for me to meet la mia ragazza la famiglia.Her family did not take her coming out to them 15 years ago very well at all. Being homosexual was the worst thing she could do in the realm of my girlfriend’s parent’s very narrow view on and parameters around intimate pairings.My girlfriend’s father has been dead for over two decades, but her mother persisted in her homophobia until maybe a year-and-a-half ago when a brick in the wall cracked.She’s Italian, the mother, and when I was in Bologna, I sent, via my girlfriend, a message I had found on Italian Google, “Buona Festa della Mamma.” It was as simple as that: “Happy Mother’s...

Posted at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Ghosts of Relationships Past Fade in the Saturday Sun of Now

03/23/11

Ghosts of Relationships Past Fade in the Saturday Sun of Now

I had an interesting recent Saturday, as in hmm, veddy, veddy interesting. Went to a neighborhood in Brooklyn used to live in. It’s totally off the beaten path, certainly from where I live now, but really from everywhere in New York. It’s an inlet on the East River and there is no subway there, only buses.

Posted at 02:45 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Written by Request

03/16/11

Written by Request

A reader recently asked, “Can you write on how a girl in N.Y.C. can get laid without using craigslist? I really need to get laid!!!!” So, below is my little bit of my advice and my Top 10 list of places in New York City to find lesbians who like (and want to) have sex.

Posted at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2