Is Lesbian Culture Obsolete?
Stephanie Schroeder
A recent Telegraph article referred to as the “female sperm” news, has got the lesbian community buzzing about creating families without bio-men, exalted as a lifelong lesbian dream come true, getting lesbians excited about being “baby daddies”, etc.
Parthenogenesis, as we called this sort of science way back when, was a lesbian’s dream. Today though, it totally scares the crap outta me! Because although as a lesbian-feminist is seems like an advance for women to (potentially) own both our sexuality and reproduction, it seems to me it's actually the beginning (or continuation) of the end to an autonomous queer female culture. The loss of an intelligent, independent, politically active, adult, childless (or childfree) lesbian culture whose members took care of each other and formed “families of choice and affiliation” not sanctioned by state or federal government, nor any religion, biological family, or other entities. All of this, I fear, will now be replaced with an army of married lesbos with broods of rug rats, the sum of whom will "be just like everyone else".
I've already had a couple of conversations about this and each queer gal I speak to tells me I "sound like a right-winger." I beg to differ: I think we have based our lesbian lives on the witch-hunts by and misinformation from the right wing for far too long. Instead of living our lesbian lives to the fullest regardless of public perceptions, disenfranchisement from the mainstream, etc. lesbians have been trying so hard to “prove” we are “just like everyone else” this horrible prophecy seems to have fulfilled itself.
I mourn the revolutionary spirit of lesbian activism such as that of the Lavender Menace in the '70s and the Lesbian Avengers in the '90s; the initiative of Black, Latina, Chicana and other radical women of color forming publishing collectives in the '80s, like Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press, which produced the classics This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color and Home Girls: A Black Feminist Anthology. These were (and still are) my lesbian-feminist bibles/roadmaps for forward movement regarding radical lesbian-feminist politics and discourse around race, gender, class and other such ignored annoyances and disturbances in the sea change of current gaystream lesbian lives.
While struggling may be “out” and normalizing “in” I believe it is deluded to believe that simply because we can get married in some states, are out on television, can and are forming nuclear families with spouses and children and pets and houses and cars and other supposed signs of progress towards mainstream acceptance, we are actually playing right into the hands of the right.
The right wing wants to tame us, get us under control and keep us within the narrow and confining strictures of mainstream society: marriage, pregnancy, shitty diapers, sleep deprivation, lifetime child-rearing, mortgages, car payments, credit card debt and other trappings of the bogus American Dream. Lesbians are the new and next generation of “barefoot and pregnant” women.
Not being "mandated" to get married and have children is part of what was so attractive about lesbianism to me as a young person. That is not why I am queer, but that is a great benefit for me still today.
The fun and frolic, hilarity and humor, difference and non-conformity, the in-your-face politics and personal-political acts of rebellion all seem to have gone by the wayside in lesbian lives. These days it seems to be all about very earnest lesbians planning to quietly fade into the legitimacy of the gaystream/mainstream.
For me, it is extremely sad and exquisitely painful to watch queer female/lesbian culture "normalize" and disappear in my lifetime…
Email
Print
Feed
Reader Comments:
You speak of luxuries unknown to African lesbians and lesbians in a great many Middle Eastern and Asian countries. For them the struggle continues, and I doubt that any of them would long to return to the current dispensation of ‘corrective ‘ rapes and murders in order to keep the struggle alive. These situations persist even in countries with liberal gay rights, like South Africa.
I am not knocking the sense of nostalgic reminiscence here, all explorers long for uncharted waters, but even they wouldn’t want to permanently return to a world without electricity.
Lesbian culture will never be obsolete so long as there are lesbians alive. It may adapt, morph, shift, and adopt a great deal of the mainstream normality you refer to, but there will always be causes for those who choose to fight for them and choosing to struggle is a significant improvement from having no choice in the matter at all.
I completely agree with the anonymous post. I think that longing for days gone past is just like myself - a black woman - saying I long for the days of Jim Crow. Hasn't the objective all this time been to make ourselves, not just tolerated, but accepted? What's wrong with wanting a family? What's wrong with having a marriage that is recognized by the government? I can't understand why I would want to struggle?
And the type of lesbian you speak of might be what your world was like, but it wasn't everybody's. We're all different. I don't feel tamed or silenced or "righted". I'm still me and my counterparts choice to have kids and get married is their choice. It doesn't really effect me. The point is they have the choice now. And that's amazing growth.
I don't want to be seen as a sexual deviant or someone who the government wants to silent. I want to be seen, just as you pointed out, like everyone else.
Thanks so much for reading. I always appreciate thoughtful reading and input!
I do of course understand being a US citizen is somewhat of a luxury for some people relative to the South Africa Anonymous speaks of. I write about my experiences here, on a rather personally focused public blog. And, I am commenting on maintaining and reinforcing the status quo in the USA.
I don't think my "longing" for lesbian-feminist organizing implies that I want to struggle the rest of my life -- or that anyone else should do so. I don't recommend a lifetime of struggling to anyone. But, comparing my nostalgia for the type of radical political analysis and organizing I desire to ‘corrective ‘ rapes and murders in South Africa or Jim Crow in the US is not, in my opinion, an apt analogy.
I guess I was not clear in making my point about the status quo: Even though there have been laws enacted to protect some rights of some LGB peoples, just as there have been laws against race, sex and gender discrimination, those laws do not erase real life racism, sexism, homophobia or the discrimination underlying those isms that continue to persist but are covered up by the granting of a few privileges that seem like growth.
Very well put. As a young lesbian in todays society I find that too many of my peers have no idea where we as a community got our roots or the struggles we've overcome along the way.
Interesting opinion. However, I'll take my house full of children and my gorgeous wife over political activism and rebellion any day.
That's the beauty of the US. To each her own!
Parthenogenesis would be radical if it came to pass precisely because it excludes what patriarchy deems necessary in every aspect of life: the presence of men. It doesn't mandate that every lesbian (or indeed any *straight* woman who can't find a good man) have babies.
On the one hand, I can't imagine it being too popular with the religious and conservative leaders in this country, who would spin it as yet more evidence of homo and female deviance, not to mention it going against their god. On the other hand, the armies of deadbeat dads and their female enablers in legislatures, courts, the media and society might be behind this. If men aren't involved, there's no child support to pay!
And for me, lesbian culture will exist and be vibrant as long as lesbians invest in a uniquely *lesbian* culture.
Progress is good (depending on your definition of what is progress) and everyone getting to live their life their way is good. However, I agree with the main point of the article that the fact that some things have changed shouldn't lull us into believing that everything is all better and all changes are going to benefit us. Let's apply a little critical thinking to each situation and make sure we still struggle when we need to. It's foolish to think the struggle - for any struggling group - is over. We need to be vigilant to not only keep going forward but also to make sure we don't go backward.
I'm glad chaosprincess is happy with her house full of children and gorgeous wife. Just don't forget it was the political activism and rebellion of a lot of people that got you to the point of that privilege. Don't take it for granted.
Part of why it was so difficult for me to come out as a lesbian and why I stayed in my hetero marriage for so long is because I couldn't see lesbians like myself reflected in "lesbian culture," -- femme, with children, and in fact, longing to be a mother.
So I find your post ironic that you now fear that the pendulum is swinging the the other way and worry that the iconic child-free lesbian will become a thing of the past. I just don't see it, frankly.
Being a single lesbian mom makes me a minority in our community, and while there are many couples who talk of having children one day, I still don't forsee this as becoming the "norm."
Thank you for this post. My thoughts exactly.