Web Articles 2010

Laundry Date

12/07/11

Laundry Date

I hadn’t spent “quality time” with my girlfriend for a few weeks. I had an event after work every night for a week: a theater date, a Toshi Reagon concert, a reading at bluestockings, etc. Then she had her own stuff that kept her out late every night the next week and we both had our Saturday and Sunday packed. So, at the close of the weekend, in bed in a state of somnolence I said, “Let’s have a laundry date.” “What?!” my girlfriend asked. I said, “We need to get all our laundry done or I won’t have anything to wear the week of all the work-related holiday parties I am obligated to attend.” Now, mind you, we both generally wear a uniform of an Old Navy T-shirt and jeans. We both prefer black tees, but I...

Posted at 12:48 AM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Is Lesbian Culture Obsolete?

10/24/11

Is Lesbian Culture Obsolete?

A recent Telegraph article referred to as the “female sperm” news, has got the lesbian community buzzing about creating families without bio-men, exalted as a lifelong lesbian dream come true, getting lesbians excited about being “baby daddies”, etc. Parthenogenesis, as we called this sort of science way back when, was a lesbian’s dream. Today though, it totally scares the crap outta me! Because although as a lesbian-feminist is seems like an advance for women to (potentially) own both our sexuality and reproduction, it seems to me it's actually the beginning (or continuation) of the end to an autonomous queer female culture. The loss of an intelligent, independent, politically active, adult, childless (or childfree) lesbian culture whose members...

Posted at 08:10 PM | Permalink | Comments: 11

 The Artists’ Way

12/31/10

The Artists’ Way

My girlfriend and I are both multi-platform artists. She's an actor, comedy writer, playwright, solo performer and oh, so much more. I'm a journalist, editor, writer and publicist. She's in a film that will soon be screening at a major film festival. I've been working on a memoir for quite a while. We both have half a dozen other projects we are juggling, and half a dozen more we want to put into action. Meanwhile we are also just trying to make a living.I'm totally excited about the film. It means my gal will have the chance to hob-nob with some big shots in the film industry. Also, she can just have some fun with her 15 minute of fame (instead of shame:) She's been working really hard for the past two decades on her plays, performance pieces and many other artistic endeavors. She is...

Posted at 05:12 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Happy Anniversary, Darling

12/08/10

Happy Anniversary, Darling

So, we're are coming up here on our second anniversary, me and my girlfriend. It's in later December. I'm not certain the exact day—I'd have to look at my old emails in my old email account. It may sound very cavalier to not know the date of my and my honey's anniversary, but we don't stand on ceremony. I don't think she knows the exact date either.We're just happy that after two years we are still happy, attracted to each other, laughing, playing and sexing each other. I say "still' happy because it seems all the Debbie downers, naysayers, and negative people in society, and the few who are around us, don't hold out much hope for joyful and sexy lesbian relationships. Most dykes, at least as it seems from friends, friends of friends and the lesbian media, are ready...

Posted at 06:05 PM | Permalink | Comments: 5

Shut Up and Fuck Me!

11/30/10

Shut Up and Fuck Me!

"If you don't fuck me, I'm going to implode," said my girlfriend to me over the weekend. It had been yet another week of working late, late nights, being super-exhausted, just missing each other at home, etc. "OK," I responded, "take your clothes right now, unless you want to have some foreplay for something." She jumped outta her clothes immediately and indeed I fucked her. She screamed, coming very hard once—and then again, softer. "Now I can concentrate on my work, she smiled—and I won't implode!" We lolled in bed and talked a bit. "Isn't is great to have a girlfriend you can have sex with," she said. "As opposed to...having to go out to find a lay whenever you want or need it?" I responded to her, laughing....

Posted at 01:24 PM | Permalink | Comments: 8

No Kissing Allowed

11/11/10

No Kissing Allowed

We’ve been so exhausted lately, my girl and I. We usually fall into bed soon after we get home, which usually is not at the same time by a long shot. We have come to covet the heating pad for our stressed-out backs (and take turns using it every other night) and have taken to wearing furry socks because the heat in our Brooklyn apartment is not working and it’s getting colder by the day.It’s not a great scene for romance. But, recently I pounced on my lover early one weekend morning and initiated sex. “Don’t kiss me,” I announced, “I have morning breath—no kissing allowed, just fucking.”I penetrated her deeply with my fingers and fucked her relentlessly. She came hard in a climactic release full of pent up stress from work, strain...

Posted at 09:36 PM | Permalink | Comments: 5

Fifteen Minutes of Shame

10/14/10

Fifteen Minutes of Shame

Hello. I am the anonymous girlfriend of a one Ms. Stephanie Schroeder. I’ve been asked to give her a mini-vacation and write a guest blog post this week.I met Stephanie (her real name) on several occasions over the course of several months. When we actually had a “date,” in less than an hour it was mutually agreed upon it would be an evening of “casual” sex. I was shocked and delighted at how easy it was to get her into bed. This experience was dramatically different from most of my other arduous and toilsome attempts to have casual sex. Stephanie took me back to her Brooklyn apartment, took off her shirt before I even had a chance to feel her up, and moments later, she was naked, on the bed and ready to have her pussy pounded beyond belief.Twenty-four...

Posted at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

Better for Whom?

10/08/10

Better for Whom?

Okay, I really need to address the recent volume of gay teen suicides--at least the kids and the families garnering attention in the mainstream and gaystream media.

Posted at 07:19 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Family, Valued

09/30/10

Family, Valued

I’ve been thinking a lot about family lately—how I define it and what each different family I have means. At my day job, I represent a book called Counted Out: Same-sex Relations and Americans' Definitions of Family. The title is pretty self-explanatory.A few choice statistics from the book are that more Americans count pets as their family than lesbian or gay couples who live together. However, more and more Americans are also moving toward accepting as families not only straight unmarried couples who live together, but also queers who co-habitate. The book supports underlying reasons for and opinions about marriage equality. I won’t rehash my beliefs about that particular topic, but it’s an interesting read, and I’ve talked to a lot of friends whom I...

Posted at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

The Blinking Blue Light

08/26/10

The Blinking Blue Light

The blinking blue light I see in windows of the rows and rows of apartments in New York City at night makes me crazy. It also makes me sad.This blue light emits from the television that almost everyone sits in front of night after night after night. At my office, co-workers talk about TV programs they watched the night before. The gossip in the news is all about television celebrities and their shenanigans. Television drives American society like an expert chauffeur.I know couples who have forsaken sex for sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on their sofa to watch television until they start snoring on the couch, or head to bed—their eyes tired from the blinking blue light.I think there must be interesting things on that screen, or why would so many people prioritize the flat screen...

Posted at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Giving Back

08/18/10

Giving Back

Dear Readers,I recently received a beautiful personal note from one reader who said, in part, “You are doing an excellent job at relating your life experience and opinions without contemplating our own ego/intellect and without indulging and posing yourself as a victim (of society, of your illness, of your sexuality ...).I hope this is true. I certainly try my very best!And, I rely on Curve readers. Period. Whether you all agree with me or not, find my musings, assertions and contemplations thoughtful, provocative, encouraging or what-have-you, I need you. Because without readers two things happen to a journalist: 1) we simply write into the void and for futility’s sake, and/or 2) the writer’s column gets axed.I don’t want either to happen.So, I want to take this...

Posted at 01:52 PM | Permalink | Comments

Cohabitation: Agreement

08/04/10

Cohabitation: Agreement

I was having dinner with a mutual friend last night and told her my girl and I finally finished our Living Together/Cohabitation Agreement. The friend said, “That will certainly kill the sex.” “Au contraire,” I told Ms. Buzzkill, "it will only strengthen our relationship because we are not only taking care of ourselves, but each other as well.” I told my friend I find open and honest communication sexy. It might not be easy to talk about ending our relationship just as we are moving into a new apartment together, but it is necessary and very practical. And I am a Virgo after all.Our agreement, a legal document, is intended to protect both of us in the event our relationship ends. It protects us property-wise, financially as well as emotionally, too. My...

Posted at 12:45 PM | Permalink | Comments: 5

Living in Sin

07/28/10

Living in Sin

I'm moving in with my gal this fall. We found a great place to rent, not buy--what a relief to have made that decision! We told a couple of friends, but don’t have enough time to tell all of them personally, life happens, work happens and really, they all knew we were considering it, looking at apartments and would eventually cohabitate.So, I posted a note on Facebook with an ironic message intended to disarm those folks who’s not-so-sunny disposition inevitably leads them to spill their personal issues all over me and my girlfriend. “Yes, you found out abt it on Facebook,” I posted, because in 2010 it seems Facebook is an acceptable venue to announce, well, just about anything.And, while I used to think it’s a bit tacky to announce engagements, pregnancies...

Posted at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments: 5

An Anti-assimilationist’s Quandary

07/19/10

An Anti-assimilationist’s Quandary

I begin a well-paying, fulltime job next week. I will soon have subsidized health insurance that also includes dental and vision coverage (both of which I need, badly). The company I am going to work for offers domestic partner benefits, too. My girlfriend doesn’t have health insurance and hasn’t for many years. What do to?Simple answer? Register as domestic partners in New York City and put her on my insurance. Not so simple, however, because neither of us believes in marriage (or its bastard cousin domestic partnership), as feminists or as lesbians. And this so-called marriage equality business is making me angry and frustrated of late and I need to spell it all out.As a community, as a nation and as a world in the year two-thousand ten we have people going homeless and...

Posted at 05:26 PM | Permalink | Comments: 14

Stranded in London

07/02/10

Stranded in London

I found out early last Thursday morning the friend's house where which I was supposed to be staying for the remainder of my time in London had to postpone—and potentially cancel—her trip. This was because her wife had not yet received her visa from the country to which they were planning to travel.I panicked for a minute and then went into action mode. Good ol' Craigslist proved very helpful. I found a lead on an inexpensive sublet in East London and a few rooms to rent, too, in Kensington near where I was already staying in a cheap-o hotel. The first flat was a 3-story gem in Hackney occupied by a New York music journalist and her British boyfriend. Bingo! I took it on the spot, pending my friend and her wife’s situation on Friday. Friday night it was a...

Posted at 06:57 PM | Permalink | Comments

Friends in Need—or Indeed?

06/18/10

Friends in Need—or Indeed?

It seems lately some of my friends have become quite needy. Neediness isn’t a quality I particularly admire in anyone, friends or lovers. Several of my friends are adamantly demanding attention I just cannot give them. There are only 24 hours in a day, I’m a busy person just as they are, and I don’t have time to answer every single email or return every phone call immediately, especially not on command.I mean of course if there were an emergency, I would drop everything to help. But, these are intrusive demands for my time and attention at a time when I simply cannot give it. First, I’m traveling and the time difference is a real challenge. Second, I am traveling for a reason: to finish some personal writing by the end of the month, and all my friends know of my...

Posted at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

The Pony Express

06/11/10

The Pony Express

I’m currently traveling in the UK. My girl and I have been apart for a week now and while I miss her, I don’t feel dependant on her or our relationship to find social or intellectual stimulation (sexual stimulation is another story). We do Skype, it’s a free and easy way to keep in touch, but I have to tell you I am finding traveling alone a kind of test (which we have both passed) for our relationship and my relationship to our relationship.Let me explain. As fiercely independent and communicative as I am now, I used to be pretty needy and very shut down. I find these days, however, the more open our channel of communications the more alive my relationship to and with my girl is, no matter where in the world either of us are. The reason: therapy.Psychotherapy with a...

Posted at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

2-Haul

06/02/10

2-Haul

I was moving some stuff over to my girlfriend’s apartment over the weekend because I stay there quite a bit and we are trying to consolidate and eliminate. See, we are planning to move in together. Notice I said planning. This is an eventuality, not an immediate happening.So many dykes have asked us if we live together and are shocked that after almost a year and a half together we do not. That old barb, written by Lea Delaria in the '80s, about brining a U-Haul on the second date was the furthest thing from either of our minds when we met each other. I have indeed moved in very quickly in the past, always at the cost of really getting to know my lover before moving in with her and always to my extreme detriment in the long run.Although I am not at all interested in marriage,...

Posted at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

Sex? Positive!

05/12/10

Sex? Positive!

Last weekend my girlfriend and I went sex toy preview shopping at Babeland on the Lower East Side. That location was the first in N.Y.C. and I still prefer it to the swanky SoHo boutique or the too-small Brooklyn store.My girlfriend says that somehow on stepping over the threshold of the joint, she regresses to a teenager. She giggles when touching the dildos and is uncomfortable when approached by the pierced and tattooed young non-gendered sales individuals. She attributes this to the first time she visited Babeland in Seattle oh-so-many years ago with her best friend. It was her very first time ever in a sex toy store, let alone one where you could actually touch the merchandise. When she finally got up enough courage to pick up a large vibrating tongue, she turned it on,...

Posted at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Monkey Sex

04/29/10

Monkey Sex

A friend recently told me she had read the last few entries of this blog: “It’s great that you and [my girlfriend] are still having monkey sex after, what, almost a year and a half?”One of my girlfriend’s friends, whom she doesn’t see much of but with whom she maintains close phone contact, will say every so often, when my name comes up, “So, you guys are still together?”I’m getting the drift that it’s unusual—or at least perceived as unusual—to have a happy, thriving primary relationship that involves great sex, and a lot of it, after a year’s time. Even my therapist says that she’s amazed we’re still having sex and that we don’t argue much at all, even though we are both totally strapped...

Posted at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

The Pressure to be Poly

04/21/10

The Pressure to be Poly

I’m not one to bow to peer pressure. I usually don’t even feel it or deal with it. For example, people often want me to have beer with them, but I don’t drink alcohol for the most part. So I don’t have a drink even when they appeal to me to “just have one.” I also don’t want to get married though it seems the main focus of much of the lesbian community these days. I don’t even want to think about raising children even though among my generation of lesbians it’s been the craze for some time.But, the pressure to be poly is a different beast altogether. “Are you two exclusive?” friends and acquaintances will ask me in a disapproving tone about me and my girlfriend. Or “You’re not monogamous,” with the tail...

Posted at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Sexual Healing

04/15/10

Sexual Healing

A friend from Paris has been staying with me for the past two weeks. I live in a studio, large by New York standards, but still, two people in a studio apartment equals no privacy. So, I have been spending a lot of time at my girlfriend’s place lately. Yes, even with the roommate here!We’ve been madly crushing over each other, having more sex than ever: every night for the past eight days at least, sometimes during the day, too. It’s too sexy, to be together for almost a year and a half and be even more crazy attracted to one another than in the beginning. Yup, we’ve been up to our elbows and eyelashes in pussy for hours and hours and hours.We are indeed still getting to know each other and it’s making for quite the sultry brew. I cannot remember how I ever...

Posted at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments

Roommate Rx

04/02/10

Roommate Rx

I was at my girlfriend’s house over the weekend. She has a roommate. The roommate is very nice and very accommodating. She likes me and I like her. But, it’s a little awkward having sex at their apartment.See, I live alone, and anything goes when my girlfriend is over at my place. We have free reign—and take advantage of that. However, the way her apartment is set up is railroad style, like many New York apartments. It’s one long stretch of space with several little rooms off to the sides. And, in this case, their actual bathroom is separate from the water closet, so her roommate has to go through my girlfriend’s bedroom (loft really) to get to the toilet.This fact makes it a bit uncomfortable for my gal to engage in sex when we are up in her loft bed. Not...

Posted at 05:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

Dykes R Us

03/24/10

Dykes R Us

There is a yearlong series of events in NYC sponsored by the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies at the City University of New York Graduate Center. The series is called "In Amerika They Call Us Dykes" and I am not either endorsing or not endorsing it. I’m just saying that my girlfriend and I went to the second panel event in the series, one about lesbian spaces in the 70s last Friday night. The organizer is a younger PhD candidate with a heap of über impressive credentials that at any age are enviable, but for a dyke in her late 20s/early 30s are incredible to me! Anyhow, there was the usual academic/activist/literary crowd there. I'm pointing this out AGAIN because it's really demoralizing to have the same women show up at various events around NYC all the...

Posted at 06:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Enter Laughing

03/19/10

Enter Laughing

There are two issues I want to address in this post: sex and humorless lesbians.I find that the better a dyke’s sense of humor, the better the sex. This is certainly the case with me and my girl. She’s a comedic playwright with a twisted sense of humor and I’m a total pervert with a wry and wild sense of humor. And, not only do we have a general sense of humor, but can also laugh about ourselves. I find mirthless lesbians pretty damn hard to take (and I am sure they are not easily taken, in any sense). We have fabulous sex, me and my gal; we laugh in bed (or wherever we happen to be getting it on) and generally have a great time all around.
I know dykes have been much maligned in the humor department, but many of the stereotypes and other myths about the legendary...

Posted at 05:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

Getting Around

03/11/10

Getting Around

My gal and I were at a reading at bluestockings bookstore on the Lower East Side the other evening. The Reader that night is a friend and colleague, lost and found. Her new-ish girlfriend is another mutual friend, not real familiar, but we all know each other from “around.” Around meaning the Brooklyn lesbian community and the New York City literary and arts scene.The event was a big deal: our friend the Reader is a pretty (in)famous writer, poet and spoken word artist. Her girlfriend was beaming proudly and snapping photos relentlessly—of the crowd, her girlfriend reading, of the store, of anything and everything to commemorate this momentous undertaking.Our friend the Reader’s girlfriend chatted with us, addressing us thus: “Hello you two people who are...

Posted at 03:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

Welcome Home

03/03/10

Welcome Home

My gal came back from the Western U.S. to one very eager Hooked-Up blogger! I was waiting for her at her apartment in Bushwick. When she came through the door at about 8:30 a.m., she was exhausted, not just form an overnight flight, but also from dealing with her family.I huddled her into bed for a much-needed nap. When she awoke, our mutual pent up desire led us into hot, steamy raucous sex. We were fucking for hours and there was even a little canoodling and cooing that we were glad to see and hold each other again.Now neither of us is big on canoodling or cooing, but two weeks is a bit of time. In the time she had been gone I had had a few new articles published in various publications, received some new and interesting writing gigs and had several run-in and near misses with the...

Posted at 06:01 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

V-Day 2010

02/19/10

V-Day 2010

“Happy FUCK Valentine's Day my love!” This message came to me Sunday morning via email from my girlfriend, who is visiting her family of origin in the Western U.S. And I completely agree with its sentiments.Last year on Valentine’s Day my girlfriend and I had known each other less than two months and, as we found out, we both despise Valentine’s Day: the crass commercialization of it, yes, but also the faux romance of the once-a-year “holiday.” So, we had our own little anti-Valentine’s Day dinner with a few friends.Since my gal is away and I am here in Brooklyn, I don’t have any plans for V-Day, and don’t really care to make any. I have too much to do—real quality stuff in my life and I don’t have room for bullshit. I...

Posted at 05:21 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Sock Sex

02/10/10

Sock Sex

People often think having sex wearing socks is not sexy. And it’s kinda not, but it is really funny and what’s more fun than having sex and laughing at the same time?And, if you’re prone to fetishes, you can even have a stock of socks to match your sex toys.In any case, my girlfriend and I often catch ourselves in a sexual scenario where we are totally naked except for our socks. And it makes us laugh and also question whether we need to take them off or not.But, we live on the East Coast after all and winters here are pretty chilly. And Brooklyn apartments, which we both have, are notoriously unreliable in terms of heat during the cold weather.  However, if we’re already in the middle of sex, what’s the point of taking them off? Except we obviously...

Posted at 04:34 PM | Permalink | Comments: 11

Nothing Less Than Wonderful

02/03/10

Nothing Less Than Wonderful

My girlfriend and I have decided—or perhaps we decided somewhat by default quite a while ago, which is why we are still together—we don't need a relationship that is less than wonderful. I’ve come to find that I really like spending a lot of time with my girlfriend.  It may sound funny since we have been in a monogamous relationship for over a year at this point, but I never saw myself wanting to spend more time with one other person than spending time alone ever again. I mean c’mon, I’m 46 years old and “set in my ways” some of which are pretty quirky. But, this realization also does not mean isolating ourselves from the world, hibernating together or being a reclusive, nesting lesbian couple who never goes out without other...

Posted at 05:30 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

More Buts

01/27/10

More Buts

…Continued“I wonder who else is going to be at K and C’s dinner party next weekend. I hope no one we don’t want to see,” I said somewhat rhetorically to my girlfriend Saturday morning. We had begun our new routine of spending an hour on weekend mornings walking together through Prospect Park. When she stays over at my place, that is. If we’re at her place on a weekend morning, I’m not sure if we’re gonna walk anywhere. But if we do it will be in Maria Hernandez Park.So, this pricked up my girlfriend’s ears and she replied, “Well, I hope it’s not anyone you’ve had sex with.” She said it in jest, but there was a somewhat serious edge to her statement.I know she is not an overly jealous possessive freak. She has...

Posted at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments

The Buts

01/20/10

The Buts

My girlfriend and I are finally off probation.By “probation” we meant—half joking and half serious—if we could hold it together for a year, we’d probably be good to go with nothing left to hide. My girlfriend recently told me she has no “buts” about me and I told her I had found no “bad brew” between us—no trigger points or personality clash that would make it impossible for us to be together.But, we know so many lesbians who have difficult relationships with their girlfriends, significant others, spouses, life-partners, etc. because of what we call the “buts”. There are big buts and small buts, however, all the “buts” have the same impact.The “buts” go something like this: “I am not...

Posted at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Solitude and Strength

01/06/10

Solitude and Strength

My girlfriend is currently starring in a film here in New York City. It’s all very top secret and I’m very excited for her and the opportunity it represents for her artistic career. But, it also means she’s not been around much these past weeks and won’t be for a few more. I miss her, a lot, and that got me thinking about whether mine is simply a healthy feeling of her absence or some kind of co-dependent angst or existential loneliness.So, I’ve interrogated my feelings these past few days and come to the conclusion that what I’ve got is a healthy dose of plain ol’ missing my gal: the thrill of her flirty, filthy or informational emails, texts and phone calls; the feeling of her warm, sexy body against mine; having regular sex; playing together...

Posted at 12:50 PM | Permalink | Comments