Dodging the Urge to U-Haul
I’m broke, busted, have no dinero. My fulltime day job, turned part time job, just got cut. I’m thinking about alternatives, including getting into a roommate situation to lower my rent even though I’ve never had a roommate in my life. I’ve lived with girlfriends, but never had a roommate proper.
The other day my therapist asked if I were considering moving in with the Playwright to consolidate expenses. I said no. She asked me why not, I’m pretty sure she was playing devil’s advocate. I said neither of us has the intention of moving in together any time soon and it would be a recipe for disaster. We’re still getting to know each other—a financial crisis is no time to rent a U-Haul.
A friend said, “Yeah, but six months is like two and a half years in lesbian years and you two are really good together.” I told her I don’t believe in the fallacy of “lesbian years.” Indeed, I have moved in with lovers quickly in the past, sometimes after dating less than three months. That time I stayed for five years. Days, weeks, months that turned into five bad years. I’m not doing it again!
So, my therapist also said, in the therapy group I belong to, that it’s possible to have a healthy relationship because “look at Stephanie, she’s in a relationship with someone she likes.” This made me burst out laughing! It’s pretty ironic, but yeah, I’ve been in long term relationships and short term situations where not only haven’t I liked the woman I was with, but where she was abusive in one way or another: psychologically, physically, cheating, financially manipulative, etc.
And, I don’t think I am alone in this. I think it’s an epidemic in the lesbian community, this staying with a partner past the season of the relationship when it’s boring, abusive, you (or she) have evolved and changed and outgrown the pairing and various other reasons and one or both of you are now just making excuses.
Before we started dating, I told a friend that the Playwright is too nice and that is why I wouldn’t ask her out. My friend indicated that was exactly why I should date her: I had had such abusive and unhealthy relationships in my past it was time to start treating myself—and being treated—well. I stonewalled a bit and then asked the Playwright on a date—the infamous Make-Out Date I’ve already written about.
So, when my girlfriend, who is out of town just now, wrote me, “I never knew having a girlfriend could be as cool as it is with you,” I was more than pleased. I told her about thinking she is “too nice” to date and she was (rightfully) offended and said many women have said that about her, which is a pretty sad statement about the state of affairs in lesbianland. I think it’s cool that she is nice—and cute and sexy... and a playwright.
Stephanie Schroeder is a dreamer, wanderer and writer based in Brooklyn, NY. She likes to exchange apartments with artists and other interesting folks from around the globe and travel in search of new friends and singular experiences. She makes purple a way of life and also fancies green, purple’s complementary color on the color wheel. (www.stephanieschroeder.com)