Gayby Boom

09/29/10

Girls Still Wanna Have Fun

The wife and I got out of the house last night to see Cyndi Lauper perform at the Oregon Zoo. It was my wife’s idea, and she talked two friends into going, too, and we made a gay old foursome spread out on the lawn with our moisture-proof blankets and low chairs from REI and efficiently packaged food to devour during the two-hour wait while the audience settled before Cyndi took the stage.What I hadn’t realized, getting into this outing, was that we’d be surrounded by former “Material Girls” who had been getting up to no good back when I was dancing atop platforms in bars, and that they’d be all about having fun. Every square inch of organically fertilized lawn was filled with forty- and fifty-something women (a good third of them lesbians) wearing...

Posted at 06:31 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

08/17/10

Mixing the Old With the New

Why turning into your mother may not be a (completely) bad thing.

Posted at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

08/12/10

The Search for Steamin’ Semen

Unlike straight couples, we have the ability to make logical choices in our kids’ conception. Their genetic makeup is in your hands—well, his hands—when you choose a sperm donor as a lesbian couple. Whether you go fresh or frozen, consider the following as you take this important step on the path to parenthood. I’ve been there.More unsolicited advice from the Gayby Boom.Make a list of what is important to each of you in a sperm donor. For example: ethnic or physical likeness to the bio or non-bio mom, height-to-weight ratio, hair color, I.Q., athletic or musical ability, education level, age, shoe size, sperm count or availability.Compare lists and prioritize them, creating criteria for choosing from available donors through a sperm bank or for approaching...

Posted at 12:10 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

08/02/10

How to be a Lesbian Dad

It’s good to be the Boy-mom, the Dad-Mom or whatever clever moniker your preschooler comes up with to describe his obviously androgynous lesbian mom. Embracing the lesbian dad role lets you teach your child the manly skills he (or she) needs, while being the woman you are. If you’d like to be a lesbian dad (whether or not your child has used the d-word), here are some simple ways to literally get the ball rolling.More unsolicited advice from the Gayby Boom:Play catch with your child. Beg if you have to. If you have non-sporting kids, you’re screwed.Wrestle on the floor with your child, preferably with loud sound effects. Carpeted floors work better than wood, but beware the rug burn.Fix anything that needs fixing in the home using power tools, hand tools, duct tape....

Posted at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

07/27/10

So Ms. McAllister, Could You Say “Parent” Instead of “Mom or Dad”?

Don’t you get tired of heterosexism getting shoved down your child’s throat? Modern families come in all shapes and sizes, but the lingo hasn’t caught up to reality. What do you do when your child’s teacher always says “Be sure to tell your mom or dad…” when there isn’t a dad in your family? Asking your child’s teacher to use “parent” is the first step in making your child’s classroom reflect the image of today’s families in positive ways.More unsolicited advice from a Gayby Boomer:Develop a healthy relationship with your child’s teacher from day one—you, your child and the teacher are a team, working together to make the year a positive, educational one.Be clear about your family structure from...

Posted at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

07/19/10

So Who's the Real Mom?

Lesbian motherhood isn't just a one-sided gig, it's for both of you.

Posted at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

07/02/10

Hints for the Newly At-home Mom

Okay, so I’ve heard about some new moms who are taking on the at-home lifestyle, and feel emboldened to share my meager expertise (though the last thing a new mom needs is more advice, she’s been assaulted with it every five seconds since conception), and maybe help them avoid my mistakes.Staying home with the kids has risen in status in the last 20 years. Earlier seen as part of a patriarchal system that assigned child-minding to women when they could be putting their talents to better use, being at-home evolved into a status symbol. A luxury item. Like an SUV or a vacation home. Then, when attachment parenting became a cross-economic rage, it became equally cool to stay home with baby as to resume the career after six weeks.But there are hidden dangers in the...

Posted at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

06/15/10

All in the Family

My wife and I drove three hours each way yesterday to attend her grandfather’s 90th birthday celebration. In eastern Washington. In the local Elks’ Lodge. In 91 degree weather that had no business showing up in the middle of June. My laptop just about did a Dali from the heat, and our 7 year-old was limp and sweaty in the back seat.But for heaven’s sake, the man’s turning 90—you gotta celebrate that!The Elks’ Lodge was full of family. My wife’s cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and third-nephews twice removed. Some of them we see at the annual family reunion (featuring a loosey-goosey trampoline and port-a-potties that gave me nightmares the year I came pregnant and it hit a hit 100 degrees in the shade), so they know about us. We’ve been...

Posted at 06:30 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

06/08/10

Sweets for the Sweet

OK, every parent knows that sugar makes kids go wild, no matter what the American Pediatric Association (or whoever makes decisions for the medical masses) says. A direct dose of sugar enters the system and turns perfectly innocent little children into demons on the spot. French fries don't have the same effect, even if potato and grease is turned into sugars by our digestive system.So theoretically, parents would never allow their children processed sugars except when legally unavoidable, like at birthday parties or wedding receptions. The problem is that we are little children grown up, sort of, and like our processed sugars as much as the next kid. And therefore invent reasons to indulge the kids and ourselves.In our family, we get pretty creative about it. When I introduced the...

Posted at 06:46 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

06/02/10

Countdown to Summer

My kids are counting the days to summer vacation and telling me about it daily. Sometimes hourly. Our oldest son has senior-itis so bad he can hardly haul his ass out of bed, even though finals are this week. And our youngest son is trying to use the same excuse even though he has no idea what finals are. Our daughter merely recites the statistics several times a day until I want to scream.I’ve been a bitch about this, but I’m trying to be better this year. Summer vacation is not exactly something I look forward to. Some years I’ve just cried in advance. Some years I’ve la-la-la-ed my way through the last month, figuring denial would buy me some more time. Some years I’ve become increasingly cranky until the kids stopped telling me how many days until...

Posted at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

	09/29/10 Girls Still Wanna Have Fun The wife and I got out of the house last night to see Cyndi Lauper perform at the Oregon Zoo. It was my wife’s idea, and she talked two friends into going, too, and we made a gay old foursome spread out on the lawn with our moisture-proof blankets and low chairs from REI and efficiently packaged food to devour during the two-hour wait while the audience settled before Cyndi took the stage.What I hadn’t realized, getting into this outing, was that we’d be surrounded by former “Material Girls” who had been getting up to no good back when I was dancing atop platforms in bars, and that they’d be all about having fun. Every square inch of organically fertilized lawn was filled with forty- and fifty-something women (a good third of them lesbians) wearing... Posted at 06:31 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	08/17/10 Mixing the Old With the New Why turning into your mother may not be a (completely) bad thing. Posted at 05:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	08/12/10 The Search for Steamin’ Semen Unlike straight couples, we have the ability to make logical choices in our kids’ conception. Their genetic makeup is in your hands—well, his hands—when you choose a sperm donor as a lesbian couple. Whether you go fresh or frozen, consider the following as you take this important step on the path to parenthood. I’ve been there.More unsolicited advice from the Gayby Boom.Make a list of what is important to each of you in a sperm donor. For example: ethnic or physical likeness to the bio or non-bio mom, height-to-weight ratio, hair color, I.Q., athletic or musical ability, education level, age, shoe size, sperm count or availability.Compare lists and prioritize them, creating criteria for choosing from available donors through a sperm bank or for approaching... Posted at 12:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	08/02/10 How to be a Lesbian Dad It’s good to be the Boy-mom, the Dad-Mom or whatever clever moniker your preschooler comes up with to describe his obviously androgynous lesbian mom. Embracing the lesbian dad role lets you teach your child the manly skills he (or she) needs, while being the woman you are. If you’d like to be a lesbian dad (whether or not your child has used the d-word), here are some simple ways to literally get the ball rolling.More unsolicited advice from the Gayby Boom:Play catch with your child. Beg if you have to. If you have non-sporting kids, you’re screwed.Wrestle on the floor with your child, preferably with loud sound effects. Carpeted floors work better than wood, but beware the rug burn.Fix anything that needs fixing in the home using power tools, hand tools, duct tape.... Posted at 03:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	07/27/10 So Ms. McAllister, Could You Say “Parent” Instead of “Mom or Dad”? Don’t you get tired of heterosexism getting shoved down your child’s throat? Modern families come in all shapes and sizes, but the lingo hasn’t caught up to reality. What do you do when your child’s teacher always says “Be sure to tell your mom or dad…” when there isn’t a dad in your family? Asking your child’s teacher to use “parent” is the first step in making your child’s classroom reflect the image of today’s families in positive ways.More unsolicited advice from a Gayby Boomer:Develop a healthy relationship with your child’s teacher from day one—you, your child and the teacher are a team, working together to make the year a positive, educational one.Be clear about your family structure from... Posted at 04:07 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	07/19/10 So Who's the Real Mom? Lesbian motherhood isn't just a one-sided gig, it's for both of you. Posted at 05:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	07/02/10 Hints for the Newly At-home Mom Okay, so I’ve heard about some new moms who are taking on the at-home lifestyle, and feel emboldened to share my meager expertise (though the last thing a new mom needs is more advice, she’s been assaulted with it every five seconds since conception), and maybe help them avoid my mistakes.Staying home with the kids has risen in status in the last 20 years. Earlier seen as part of a patriarchal system that assigned child-minding to women when they could be putting their talents to better use, being at-home evolved into a status symbol. A luxury item. Like an SUV or a vacation home. Then, when attachment parenting became a cross-economic rage, it became equally cool to stay home with baby as to resume the career after six weeks.But there are hidden dangers in the... Posted at 06:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 1
	06/15/10 All in the Family My wife and I drove three hours each way yesterday to attend her grandfather’s 90th birthday celebration. In eastern Washington. In the local Elks’ Lodge. In 91 degree weather that had no business showing up in the middle of June. My laptop just about did a Dali from the heat, and our 7 year-old was limp and sweaty in the back seat.But for heaven’s sake, the man’s turning 90—you gotta celebrate that!The Elks’ Lodge was full of family. My wife’s cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and third-nephews twice removed. Some of them we see at the annual family reunion (featuring a loosey-goosey trampoline and port-a-potties that gave me nightmares the year I came pregnant and it hit a hit 100 degrees in the shade), so they know about us. We’ve been... Posted at 06:30 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	06/08/10 Sweets for the Sweet OK, every parent knows that sugar makes kids go wild, no matter what the American Pediatric Association (or whoever makes decisions for the medical masses) says. A direct dose of sugar enters the system and turns perfectly innocent little children into demons on the spot. French fries don't have the same effect, even if potato and grease is turned into sugars by our digestive system.So theoretically, parents would never allow their children processed sugars except when legally unavoidable, like at birthday parties or wedding receptions. The problem is that we are little children grown up, sort of, and like our processed sugars as much as the next kid. And therefore invent reasons to indulge the kids and ourselves.In our family, we get pretty creative about it. When I introduced the... Posted at 06:46 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	06/02/10 Countdown to Summer My kids are counting the days to summer vacation and telling me about it daily. Sometimes hourly. Our oldest son has senior-itis so bad he can hardly haul his ass out of bed, even though finals are this week. And our youngest son is trying to use the same excuse even though he has no idea what finals are. Our daughter merely recites the statistics several times a day until I want to scream.I’ve been a bitch about this, but I’m trying to be better this year. Summer vacation is not exactly something I look forward to. Some years I’ve just cried in advance. Some years I’ve la-la-la-ed my way through the last month, figuring denial would buy me some more time. Some years I’ve become increasingly cranky until the kids stopped telling me how many days until... Posted at 12:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0

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