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How to be a Lesbian Dad

It’s good to be the Boy-mom, the Dad-Mom or whatever clever moniker your preschooler comes up with to describe his obviously androgynous lesbian mom. Embracing the lesbian dad role lets you teach your child the manly skills he (or she) needs, while being the woman you are. If you’d like to be a lesbian dad (whether or not your child has used the d-word), here are some simple ways to literally get the ball rolling.

More unsolicited advice from the Gayby Boom:

Play catch with your child. Beg if you have to. If you have non-sporting kids, you’re screwed.

Wrestle on the floor with your child, preferably with loud sound effects. Carpeted floors work better than wood, but beware the rug burn.

Fix anything that needs fixing in the home using power tools, hand tools, duct tape. Let your child watch, or better yet, help. Duct tape comes in a variety of colors. Get creative.

Embrace your natural state—makeup, large earrings and excessive hair products interfere with lesbian fatherhood. Shavings legs and pits is entirely up the individual. 

Cook breakfast on the weekends. Not sure why this is a guy thing, but it is. There should be meat.

Own the barbecue. Stake it out as your turf. Wear a stupid shirt or apron while you sear the steaks. Drink a beer (or a Diet Coke) when you cook outdoors.

Be immature occasionally. Act like one of the kids. Suggest impractical, unhealthy foods (American-Chinese take-out, beef-like products, vast vats of ice cream, glow-in-the-dark-orange cheese puffs) for dinner and blow off responsibilities to hang out with the kids and a DVD. A cartoon fest’ for younger kids. A shoot ‘em up for the teens.

Totally adore your little girl. Spoil her. Bounce her on your knee. Buy her candy and foolishly sparkly shoes (or a leather jacket if it floats her boat). Let her wrap you around her little finger.

Bond with your boy. Find common ground (an attraction to Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox for example); exploit that shared interest all you can, whether it is building Lego, collecting baseball cards or swearing up a storm. Discover new expletives together.

Set a good example as a dad-like spouse. Be good to the wife and kids. Come home to dinner. Bring gifts when you return from a trip. Be the guy you want your son to be or your daughter to marry. Or your son to marry and your daughter to be.

When the time comes, supply condoms. Bring home boxes for all sexually mature offspring and distribute liberally and without embarrassment.

Hint: Avoid wrestling during “the bonking hour” (one hour before bedtime), though dads rarely do this. You can be “Dad” but with maternal caution and a deep desire to not be in big trouble with the other mother.

Genuinely masculine attire can improve your fatherly status, if that’s your thing. Being a Drag King isn’t necessary to be a lesbian dad. It’s all about the attitude. 

Note: Being called “Dad” by your child at the grocery store will freak out other customers. Ignore them. Your child is appropriately exploring what gender means and will conform to social norms soon enough. You are merely allowing gender to be wide, not narrow.


Blogger Bio: Beren deMotier is a Carol Brady in Levis/tattooed lesbian mama in a mini-van, obsessed with safety, doing the right thing and the amount of dog hair on her wood floors. She is a regular contributor to both Curve and Black Lamb, and has written for Hip Mama, And Baby, Pride Parenting,, and for her blog, “That Lesbian Mom Next Door.” Her multi-award-winning book, The Brides of March: Memoir of a Same-Sex Marriage, recounts her giddy leap through a legal window, straight onto the barbeque pit of public debate when she and her partner married in Oregon in 2004, their three children along for the raucous ride. (