11/23/09

The Redundancy of Lists

I’m a Virgo, so I make lists. Detailed lists for monthly goals, daily lists, lists for someday if I find the time. Dealing with stuff is always on the list, every list—because stuff happens with kids.

I thought we were burdened with inordinate amounts of objects before we were parents—my wife was a compulsive yard sale and thrift store shopper during our early days—but I had no idea how full a home could get with seemingly necessary or desirable things.

It started before the first kid arrived—the crib that was never used, the borrowed changing table that was used to death, the bassinet that became mine to bestow on the next generation. Then there were the clothes, receiving blankets, snot suckers, nail clippers, stuffed toys, safety devices...

Posted at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments: 1

11/16/09

Lesbian Moms Get Laughs

Last night I got to take the stage at a comedy night at Portland’s Q Center. It was one of a series of comedy nights hosted by TIME OUT: The Mother of All Comedy Shows and comic Jacki Kane. I’ve done it three times before, talking about dropping my thong on the second grade classroom floor, being a stoner slut in high school, the vast menagerie that has passed through our home in the name of our children. Those times, I was the only lesbian mom on tap—the token dyke. But at Q Center, the theme was "Mom, Meet My Same-Sex Partner. We're Having a Family!" so it was three lesbian mamas and Jacki, who says she’s a same-sex parent because she and her husband always have the same sex.

One of the performers was Naomi Morena, who I realized was formerly...

Posted at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

11/09/09

The Dietary Dilemma

You can drag a toddler to organic, hormone-free milk, but you cannot make him drink.

The irony of feeding children is that you can make the best meals, choose the choicest ingredients, do the smartest research and receive the sagest advice, but it is the kid who ultimately decides what goes down the gullet.

We were no different from other parents before having a baby—we were totally judgmental about the food choices other parents made. We knew there would be no fast food passing his lips, no sugary treats like lollipops to eat away his teeth and hype him up before bedtime, no saturated fats or red dye number whatever to break his genetic code or harm his system in unknown ways later, leading to guilt, guilt and more guilt. We were self-confident idiots.

There...

Posted at 02:00 AM | Permalink | Comments: 0

11/02/09

Two Words: Flu and FAFSA

Two Words: Flu and FAFSA.

The free application for federal student aid seems so distant when your biological clock goes off, but you can’t get far from these two constants once you’ve got a kid.

Currently we’re sandwiched between both. Our oldest son started his senior year with swine flu, missing the entire first week and getting academically behind from the get go. Our daughter saved her week of influenza for the middle of October (miraculously missing it the first go-round thanks to my strenuous efforts at isolating our son, who was only allowed out of his room after a sponge bath with antibacterial wipes). Our youngest son will no doubt get it during Thanksgiving break (right about when we arrive at the grandparents’ house) or maybe at his big...

Posted at 05:56 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0