Gayby Boom - December 2009

12/28/09

Trying Twice as Hard

The old adage about women in the workforce, that we have to work twice as hard as men to be thought half as good, is sort of how I've seen lesbians take on parenting. Except we're working twice as hard as heterosexuals, hoping to be considered good enough.

Or maybe that's just my generation of gayby boomer. The I-think-I-can decade of lesbian moms, instead of the of-course-I-can generation that is filling up the mommy and me classes and exchanging phone numbers in the grocery store with other single pregnant lesbians. We thought we had to have an ideal household: stable, monogamous, enough money to put food on the table, jobs with health insurance for the family, semi-receptive Grandparents, a mortgage, a mini-van and a Labrador Retriever.

Nowadays, lesbian moms don't...

Posted at 06:49 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

12/21/09

That is So Not Gay

We can’t really call it a “man-cave” with a 3 - 2 ratio of females to males in our household, but our basement television room is occupied by large gatherings of adolescent males on a regular basis, shooting things (onscreen), each other (with Nerf guns), and making weapons out of duct tape and PVC piping. They also play Dungeons and Dragons, manufacture chain mail, hang out and watch kids’ movies with wry commentary and purposeful misinterpretation. And swear a lot; often while I’m walking through the room.

The boys freeze, eyes darting side-to-side nervously, until our teenage son says “she doesn’t care,” knowing perfectly well I’ve heard it all, and they go on with whatever game they’ve got going, be it D &...

Posted at 05:09 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

12/14/09

You’ve Got the Power

It is an enormous and overwhelming responsibility to be in charge of creating happy holiday memories for your kids. Think of your own, and how they loom large on your emotional landscape, and imagine having to sow, nurture and harvest those without coming up short, leading to emotional starvation and years in therapy for which we are ultimately responsible.

Jesus Christ, who’d choose to be Santa Claus if they had a choice?

I am certain Martha Stewart’s kids were chained in the basement weaving placemats and hot-gluing juniper berries while our backs were turned during her holiday home specials; in the actual world (not on TV with a big budget and minions galore), creating the perfect, wholesome, holiday atmosphere can turn any parent into a Scrooge or a...

Posted at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments: 0

12/07/09

Homework, Again?!

One of the many unpleasant things you aren’t warned about before having kids—like that throwing up and having bowel movements during labor is normal and that your vagina will never forgive you—is that kids come with homework.

Not only the “homework” you did prior to having them, the wills, powers of attorney and adoption paperwork you put into place to avoid emotional disaster in the unpredictable future, or the parenting books you read feverishly in the months both before and after having them. But literally homework.

From kindergarten on, you’re on the homework treadmill alongside your kid, like it or not.

I don’t. Wasn’t that the joy of graduating from college—no more homework? And now, just because I have a...

Posted at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

12/02/09

Just Say No to Hypocrisy

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a… wait, I can’t really preach that can I? Selling marriage before sex as a lesbian mom is already a sticky situation—friends of ours managed to convince their children they were married before producing them—but most kids catch on to that legal lie fast, especially when our lack of marital rights makes front page news almost every day.

Luckily we have a sense of humor about it at our house. We have a running gag that starts with my wife saying, “Bastard,” when one of the kids does something really rascally, and the kid responds, “And whose fault is that?”

Yes, according to the legal definition, they are indeed bastards, born out of wedlock, and, ironically, we are...

Posted at 04:10 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

	12/28/09 Trying Twice as Hard The old adage about women in the workforce, that we have to work twice as hard as men to be thought half as good, is sort of how I've seen lesbians take on parenting. Except we're working twice as hard as heterosexuals, hoping to be considered good enough. Or maybe that's just my generation of gayby boomer. The I-think-I-can decade of lesbian moms, instead of the of-course-I-can generation that is filling up the mommy and me classes and exchanging phone numbers in the grocery store with other single pregnant lesbians. We thought we had to have an ideal household: stable, monogamous, enough money to put food on the table, jobs with health insurance for the family, semi-receptive Grandparents, a mortgage, a mini-van and a Labrador Retriever. Nowadays, lesbian moms don't... Posted at 06:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	12/21/09 That is So Not Gay We can’t really call it a “man-cave” with a 3 - 2 ratio of females to males in our household, but our basement television room is occupied by large gatherings of adolescent males on a regular basis, shooting things (onscreen), each other (with Nerf guns), and making weapons out of duct tape and PVC piping. They also play Dungeons and Dragons, manufacture chain mail, hang out and watch kids’ movies with wry commentary and purposeful misinterpretation. And swear a lot; often while I’m walking through the room. The boys freeze, eyes darting side-to-side nervously, until our teenage son says “she doesn’t care,” knowing perfectly well I’ve heard it all, and they go on with whatever game they’ve got going, be it D &... Posted at 05:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	12/14/09 You’ve Got the Power It is an enormous and overwhelming responsibility to be in charge of creating happy holiday memories for your kids. Think of your own, and how they loom large on your emotional landscape, and imagine having to sow, nurture and harvest those without coming up short, leading to emotional starvation and years in therapy for which we are ultimately responsible. Jesus Christ, who’d choose to be Santa Claus if they had a choice? I am certain Martha Stewart’s kids were chained in the basement weaving placemats and hot-gluing juniper berries while our backs were turned during her holiday home specials; in the actual world (not on TV with a big budget and minions galore), creating the perfect, wholesome, holiday atmosphere can turn any parent into a Scrooge or a... Posted at 01:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 0
	12/07/09 Homework, Again?! One of the many unpleasant things you aren’t warned about before having kids—like that throwing up and having bowel movements during labor is normal and that your vagina will never forgive you—is that kids come with homework. Not only the “homework” you did prior to having them, the wills, powers of attorney and adoption paperwork you put into place to avoid emotional disaster in the unpredictable future, or the parenting books you read feverishly in the months both before and after having them. But literally homework. From kindergarten on, you’re on the homework treadmill alongside your kid, like it or not. I don’t. Wasn’t that the joy of graduating from college—no more homework? And now, just because I have a... Posted at 12:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 1
	12/02/09 Just Say No to Hypocrisy First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a… wait, I can’t really preach that can I? Selling marriage before sex as a lesbian mom is already a sticky situation—friends of ours managed to convince their children they were married before producing them—but most kids catch on to that legal lie fast, especially when our lack of marital rights makes front page news almost every day. Luckily we have a sense of humor about it at our house. We have a running gag that starts with my wife saying, “Bastard,” when one of the kids does something really rascally, and the kid responds, “And whose fault is that?” Yes, according to the legal definition, they are indeed bastards, born out of wedlock, and, ironically, we are... Posted at 04:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments: 1

Lesbian parenting blog

December 2009