Dr. Frankie Bashan

Web Articles 2012

Dear Dr. Frankie, I'm 60 and I've Never Come Out!

01/23/13

Dear Dr. Frankie, I'm 60 and I've Never Come Out!

Dear Dr. Frankie, I am 60 and I have never come out, I have never had a relationship with a woman…I am a lesbian, but have been holding myself back. How do I meet a woman who will understand and help me. I am embarrassed to even tell people this about me. Help please. Dear Embarrassed, Kudos to you for reaching out, that’s a bold step! Take heart, it’s never too late to live your most honest and authentic life. No matter how scary, overwhelming or embarrassing you think it is, you owe it to yourself. Here is a universal piece of advice that applies to almost anyone under almost any circumstance...remember that most of what we fear almost never becomes reality. There are certainly women out there that will admire your courage for coming out later in life....

Posted at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

Dear Dr. Frankie, help me with the lesbian dating scene!

11/19/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, help me with the lesbian dating scene!

Hi Dr. Frankie, I'm currently single and putting myself out there in the dating scene. My problem is that I can't seem to find the type of women I'm interested in. I'm looking for someone professional and well rounded. Not sure if that makes sense but I think the best way I can describe it is I work as a financial analyst, I love to work out, I'm financially responsible, I have a graduate degree, strong values and I don't fancy any drugs (except for the occasional drink in a social setting). I find that the majority of the women I date aren't settled and really don't know what they want to do with their lives. This makes me think I need to find women with a...

Posted at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Dear Dr. Frankie, I'm too clingy!

10/01/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, I'm too clingy!

Dear Dr. Frankie, I tend to have an obsessive personality and get clingy whenever I have a crush or am infatuated with someone. I can't help myself, and it just takes over, even when I know I'm starting to smother people. Right now, I am in love with a singer-song writer I met through a friend. She is super friendly and affectionate, and welcomes me with hugs. Every time I go her concerts I try to hang around her as much as I can, and record all of her songs with my phone. I can sense that I'm starting to become a little much, but I don't know what to do. I don't want her to freak out and push me away, but on the other hand, I hang on to every bit of attention from her - what can I say, I just want to be loved. Of course, she's straight and has a boyfriend....

Posted at 05:53 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Dear Dr. Frankie, What if she has too much baggage?

09/04/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, What if she has too much baggage?

Dear Dr. Frankie, We never got to meet at the resent WW event but I feel like I know what you would say anyway. I've read everything you’ve written and I have listened to all your broadcasts. I recently ran into a dyke I met on OK Cupid two years ago. Initially she blew me off because I was too young, but this time she made a beeline to say hello.  We are both single. I had no hesitation about whether to go out with her, like I have had with this other woman I am sort of seeing but not so sure about. The OK Cupid woman came out in high school, loves women and has never doubted her sexuality. Her family is accepting and totally supports her. She's intelligent, well groomed, and loves her job as a social worker/life coach. The other woman came out late in life and...

Posted at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Relationships Never Last

07/31/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Relationships Never Last

Dear Dr. Frankie, One thing that I consistently see in the lesbian world is short lived relationships. I come from a world where my parents have been together for 52 years, have friends and siblings who have been together for 20 plus years, and really value lifelong commitments. My beef is that it seems that those are few and far in between in our community and would like to know why that is the case. Also, it would be interesting to learn how we as a community could do a better job of having said lifelong commitments. —Underwhelmed by Romance Dear Underwhelmed, I hear and agree with your frustrations. This is obviously a complex question with a more complex answer. Relationship failure is not unique to the gay community as heterosexual divorce rate is also climbing....

Posted at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Lover Won't Define the Relationship

06/19/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Lover Won't Define the Relationship

Dear Dr. Frankie, I became very good friends with a gal from work. (She is 45 and I am 58). We became very close and were both recovering from nasty breakups. My break up was from a girlfriend of 10 years, and hers was a breakup with her wife of 15 yrs. I have been single now for almost 3 years and she has been single for 1 1/2 years. Her ex is a doctor with a very dominating, controlling personality. This gal lives on her own and is trying to cope with raising her children, and dealing with her ex. About 3 months into our friendship she kissed me and things progressed slowly from there. We have now been very involved for about the last nine months. We are very deeply intimate, love hanging out with each other, and live separately. She has been clear with me from the first kiss...

Posted at 04:40 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Girfriend Won't Stop Navel Gazing!

05/25/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Girfriend Won't Stop Navel Gazing!

Dear Dr. Frankie, I’ve been dating a great woman for a few months. I think we might have some long term potential but there are two major problems. She won’t stop talking about herself! I feel my eyes glaze over and try to redirect the conversation but it inevitably circles back to her. She is also insanely competitive with me. I adore her but this is a total drag—help! Dear Reluctant Competitor, This is a complaint I have heard before in lesbian couples. I suggest bringing your concern out into the open. Not talking about it won’t make it go away. Explain to her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and rather than encouraging sharing and dialogue, it actually shuts you down. Jealousy and unhealthy competition is toxic and will destroy a relationship....

Posted at 06:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I Wasting My Time?

04/11/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I Wasting My Time?

Dear Dr. Frankie, I have been "taking it slow" for a month and a half with a girl that was previously my friend. Several months ago she got out of a seven-year relationship; I know she still has feelings for her ex. She also slept with another close friend almost two moths ago. She used to always tell me she wants to be with me, but she treats the other girl she slept with like a princess compared to me. She recently got evicted and is living with her ex. She doesn't talk to me as often as she used to, and we live two hours away from each other. Ever since her best friend kept pushing her to ask me out she's been pushing me away. I know she has a lot on her mind right now with the eviction, but she can't tell me if she still wants to be with me or not. She...

Posted at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Dear Dr. Frankie, I Am in Love With a Married Woman

02/28/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, I Am in Love With a Married Woman

Dear Dr. Frankie, I fell totally in love with a married but confused woman who rocked my world and tipped my boat. We are both in our 50s and we met about a year ago. During our time together I learned some things about her marriage and the way her husband treated her that were really hard to hear. Her parents raised her to value material objects and financial security. She put everything she had into her marriage. Last year she told me that her marriage was over and she had already told her husband. I was really surprised to hear this. In August she told me she was filing for divorce. I learned the day after she filed for divorce she fell and broke her back. Shortly after her fall she severed ties with me. I have never been hurt like this before. The really disappointing thing is...

Posted at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

Dear Dr. Frankie, I Think My Partner is Cheating

01/30/12

Dear Dr. Frankie, I Think My Partner is Cheating

Dear Dr. Frankie,
 I had a sneaking suspicion for the past year that my partner of 11 years was having an affair. I finally convinced her to go to couples therapy because I felt the distance between us growing. My partner eventually admitted having a two-year affair with a close friend of ours. Can I ever trust her again? Does this mean her character is so flawed that she is incapable of having a monogamous relationship? My world is shattered and I don’t know if my marriage is salvageable and beyond that I don’t even know if I want to salvage it. —Betrayed Dear Betrayed, 
 Eleven years is quite a significant amount of time. If the relationship was happy and fulfilling prior to the past several years my advice is not to make any immediate decisions about...

Posted at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Partner and I Have Different Religions

12/27/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, My Partner and I Have Different Religions

Dear Dr. Frankie, My partner and I have been together for two years now. She is wonderful and we are compatible in every way but one and unfortunately it’s a big one. I was raised as an Orthodox Jew and she was raised as a devout Baptist. Although I don’t go to synagogue as often as I should, I’m deeply attached to my culture and feel strongly that my (future) children be raised Jewish. My partner goes to church on Sunday and is very close to her religion. We both want kids and she wants to raise her child as a Baptist. Aside from this very important but difficult issue of religion we are great together. Can we overcome this? I’m feeling more and more anxiety about it as time goes on. Dear Hoping to avoid a schism, It sounds as if your...

Posted at 12:26 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1