Dr. Frankie Bashan

Web Articles 2011

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I too skittish to find love?

11/18/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I too skittish to find love?

Dear Dr. Frankie, I've been single for about three years, and I'm not sure how to date or even talk to girls. I'm 20 and I've been out for a while, but I stumbled into my first two relationships, which were both with friends. I've never been on an actual date, and I'm not really sure how to approach girls. Girls never really approach me because I look “straight." I'm too afraid to talk to girls on my college campus because I live in a very conservative southern town. I've tried my college's Gay-Straight Alliance and online dating websites to meet people; but I either don't find anyone I find attractive/interesting enough to pursue, or they live several states away. And in the realm of online dating I never really get messages from...

Posted at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments

Dear Dr. Frankie, How do I get over an 18 year relationship?

10/24/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, How do I get over an 18 year relationship?

Dear Dr. Frankie, It has been about 6 months since my partner of 18 years left me for another woman—twice. Right before she left she admitted to me that she had not been in love with me for the past four years because she was in love with this other woman. Needless to say my self-esteem took a major hit and I am trying to rebuild my shattered life. Unfortunately, I only have one person I can sort of talk to. She is straight and very religious so obviously she doesn’t understand my feelings at all. My ex was jealous and never wanted me to have friends. I am currently living in Tennessee where the gay population is limited especially for a 40-year-old. Since I don't have friends or family here I find it very difficult to move on. Eventually I would like to move near...

Posted at 06:56 PM | Permalink | Comments: 3

Dear Dr. Frankie, Are Drugs and Alcohol Ruining My Relationship?

09/23/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, Are Drugs and Alcohol Ruining My Relationship?

Dear Dr. Frankie, How much do alcohol and drugs affect a relationship? What do alcohol and drugs symbolize both in individuals and in relationships? What is the best way to approach this issue? Is this a concern for both people irrespective of the frequency of use? Is past usage and consumption an indicator of the present and the future? Dear Concerned, These are complicated questions and the answers vary dramatically depending upon the individuals involved, their drug use history, and their genetics. As I answer this question please keep in mind that when I mention “drugs” I am also referring to alcohol. There is a tremendous problem in our LGBT community of alcohol abuse. As many people know, studies show that genetics play an important role in how the body...

Posted at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Dr. Frankie, My Girlfriend is Pulling Away

08/29/11

Dr. Frankie, My Girlfriend is Pulling Away

Dear Dr. Frankie, In November, 2010 I met a woman who I began dating and spending a lot of time with. We talked about moving in together after dating about a year. Suddenly in February she stopped calling me and wouldn't answer or return my calls. After a week of this she finally told me she should never have started a relationship because she wasn't ready. Her partner of 8 years had died about a year ago. So we decided to stay in touch and be friends, but I was so in love with her it was impossible for me. We didn’t talk for two months, then out of the blue she texted me because she was moving. From that day forward we talked everyday, I told her how I felt about her but all she would say is that she cares about me and that we should take things slow and just see how...

Posted at 05:31 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I ready to start dating again?

08/05/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I ready to start dating again?

Dear Dr. Frankie I'm single now and it's been less than a month since my last girlfriend and I broke up. I am just coming back into my Self and feeling happy again: I'm cleaning house, working out, finishing personal projects, redecorating, and enjoying my friends. I am already starting to get those urges to look around and flirt. I know myself and it would be so easy to jump back into something new. I am already getting offers and new crushes are very entertaining and fun for me. But here is the thing. I want to stay single long enough to make some progress on those personal goals, feel more empowered and confident, and take care of business. I don't want to feel that I need another person to be happy. I also would like to be more careful the next time around. I...

Posted at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments: 2

Dr. Frankie, Help I'm a Virgin

07/08/11

Dr. Frankie, Help I'm a Virgin

Dear Dr. Frankie, I recently had a breakdown at my doctor’s office for my annual pap smear exam and she suggested I seek help. That is very difficult considering I'm in the military and the records they keep. I was abused when I was about 5 or 6, and ever since then I find it very difficult to connect with people and express my emotions. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I can count the number of dates I've been on one hand. I find it embarrassing that at my age I've never had a physical relationship (yes I’ve never had sex) and that I've barely even kissed a girl. Most don’t know because its embarrassing, and no one would want to date someone who has no idea what they’re doing and has this much baggage. I find it impossible...

Posted at 06:07 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Dr. Frankie, Is it OK to Take it Slow—In Bed?

06/13/11

Dr. Frankie, Is it OK to Take it Slow—In Bed?

Dear Dr. Frankie, I think I've met a chick I really dig. We are still just flirting but I get a really good vibe from her. When I do ask her out I really want to impress her and hold her interest. Is waiting to have sex a good tactic for keeping her interested? I don't want to come off as prude, but I want her to feel like we could have something special and that takes time to develop. In a dating pool where the decision to move in together is made on the second date, what is a tasteful and romantic way to maintain a slow pace and really develop an intense emotional connection before moving on to sex? Any advice you have is greatly appreciated!   Dear Patience, This is truly a wonderful question and something that not enough women ask themselves before...

Posted at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I too cynical of relationships?

05/24/11

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I too cynical of relationships?

Dear Dr. Frankie, Am I too cynical of relationships? When I meet new people I sometimes find someone I am attracted to, but most just become friends. The charming ones become more inviting which is then followed by the "hit it of" stage. I'm not sure if I get scared or I'm just more interested in cultivating a large group of friends right now? The moment we get close to getting close—I start to put on my running shoes—and I gain a new friend. Maybe it's me—maybe it's them, but I think it's more me than them...What do you think is wrong with me—without knowing who or how I am? Dear Forrest, Honestly, without knowing more of your history it’s difficult for me to get into specifics. What I can say is that if you feel...

Posted at 07:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

Dr Frankie, I'm in Love with My Lesbian Friend

05/02/11

Dr Frankie, I'm in Love with My Lesbian Friend

Dear Dr. Frankie, I am married but have strong feelings for a close friend who is living openly as a lesbian.

Posted at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Dr. Frankie, I Have Feelings For Someone Else

04/05/11

Dr. Frankie, I Have Feelings For Someone Else

Dear Dr. Frankie, 
I've been what I thought was happily married to my partner for 9 years. Recently, I've realized that I'm having feelings for someone else. I'm feeling anxious and confused, but it's also exciting to be woken up and stimulated like this. I'm not sure what to do. Can you offer any advice? Stop, look and listen! It’s unfair to compare the energy and excitement you may feel from the attention of a new girl to the routine comfort of a nine year relationship. Even the best relationship can feel monotonous at times. If you think your feelings might be driven by something other than just complacency in your current relationship, ask yourself are you are being distracted by someone else because your relationship isn’t fulfilling?...

Posted at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments: 4

Dr Frankie, How Do I Get Over Her?

03/15/11

Dr Frankie, How Do I Get Over Her?

Dear Dr. Frankie,
 
I am a 50-year-old lesbian whose been married to my wife for 6 years. We’ve known each other for 23 years and have been together for 12. My wife just left me for the 5th time. One of our issues is whether or not to have children. She left me last year but came back briefly after I agreed to have children. We went through three inseminations and they all failed. She said we could take a break then try again. Last month, I got home from church and she unloaded the fifth bomb on me. I am tired of her dragging my heart through the mud, throwing me away like a piece of trash, and changing the rules on me.

Posted at 01:26 AM | Permalink | Comments: 1

Dr. Frankie, Am I a Commitment-phobe?

02/18/11

Dr. Frankie, Am I a Commitment-phobe?

Dear Dr. Frankie, I like being single, with all its freedoms, but I hate being alone. And yet when I do get a girlfriend I feel tied down and I hate the routine. It feels cloying to me and then I push her away. It always comes apart within a year. My last girlfriend told me I am commitment-phobe. Am I? I’m about to turn 30 and I’m ready to settle down. I think.  —Ms. Maybe Dear Ms. Maybe, I don’t think “commitment-phobe” is necessarily the right label. It sounds like you need to know what qualities to look for in a potential girlfriend. Companionship is a basic human need and I believe it enriches our lives in almost every way. Since you really cherish your freedom and hate the monotony that...

Posted at 06:50 PM | Permalink