Stop Obsessing and Ask Her Out Already

It’s hard not to fall for your personal trainer, but should you pursue her?

Dear Dr. Frankie:

I have a crush on my personal trainer. I think about her constantly throughout the day and it’s affecting my work. Seeing her is a highlight in an otherwise stressful work day. My head tells me I should let things take their natural course, that as we spend more time together I'll eventually find out her sexuality and relationship status and maybe what she is feeling. But my heart wants to know where this is going and how she feels because I don't want to go out on a limb more than I already have and have things become awkward. How do I maintain my attitude towards her at a reasonably consistent level of showing interest but without scaring her away? 

 

Yasmina

 

 

 

Dear Yasmina:

A crush on a personal trainer is certainly understandable: She’s good looking, she works out and for an hour at a time, she pays focused attention to you and your fitness needs. I’ve most certainly developed close relationships with my trainers over the years, simply by the fact that we see each other every week and we share lots of details of our lives!

 

What isn’t understandable in your situation however, is how seriously you are undermining your own happiness and devaluing your own relationship needs by continuing to obsess over her and not actually asking for what you want.

Don’t misinterpret my directness as harshness: Continuing to obsess over your trainer’s behaviors, her “intentions” and waiting for her to make the first move is giving her all the power. You’re worrying about her feelings more than you are worrying about your own. Ask yourself this question: What you are getting out of all this? From my perspective, you’re getting a personal training session that is not entirely serving your needs.

 

Do this one thing immediately after reading this column: Ask her out.

Asking her out is giving definition to your hopes and dreams. If you like her so much and you suspect she likes you, ask her out.

You needn’t worry about “scaring her away.” If she likes you, she’ll appreciate the directness. If she doesn’t, she’ll appreciate the attention.

If she says no, then you’ll no longer have to guess at her intentions. While it might be awkward to be her client after that, a discussion of a possible future friendship could happen and that’s a positive outcome. If she says yes, then you’ll have a date with someone you already have things in common with.

 

You need to stop hanging in the background and step up. Stop worrying about her and what she needs and worry about yourself and what you need.

Good luck.

 

Dr. Frankie

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