How Can I Tell If A Woman Is A Lesbian?

You can't. But you CAN tell if she's interested in you.


I get asked this question all the time and before I give the person an answer, I always ask an additional question: Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you :)?

The truth: You can’t.

There's nothing about her appearance that will most definitely tell you she's into girls - Not hair, nails, dress, or association. Women who identify as “Femme,” often have long hair and long fingernails and they are super lesbian. A woman dressing in androgynous clothing, may/may not have a thing for girls. She might just really like clothing that actually fits her broad shoulders, or pants with pockets and shoes without heels.

It also doesn’t matter if you go to specifically gay/lesbian clubs. There's no guarantee that if you go to place full of homosexual women, that they will be any more receptive to you flirting with them or trying to pick them up than anywhere else - women are all too different! You’ll probably run into a few more than you normally would on the street at a specifically lesbian club, but you still won’t be able to “tell” what her identity is.

That being said, HOWEVER, there IS a way to "tell" if she's interested: Does she return your eye contact? Does she smile at you? Is she holding eye contact just a little bit longer? Is she appearing to be interested in the attention you're giving her? If yes, then I suggest you go over and strike up a conversation. It’s that simple.

Worried you might be striking up a conversation with a straight woman? I sincerely doubt she’s going to go crazy on you and get offended: Everyone likes to be (genuinely) picked up. Everyone likes attention, everyone likes to talk about themselves. I have yet to meet a woman, gay or straight who is WILDLY offended by another woman picking her up. It’s flattering. If she's not into sleeping with women, and tells you so, then great! You've just made a new friend and we all could use new friends.

Still don’t think you’re skilled enough to chat with the cute woman who caught your eye? I have a video on JUST HOW to do this: Flirting Tips for Lesbians. Flirting is about creating a hook that she can link onto and then putting out another hook. If she responds, then she’s interested. If she isn’t interested, she’ll drop the hook and you can smile and be on your way. For more specifics on the “Hooks” of flirting, listen to my podcast where my consultant Shelley & I talk about practical tips that you can use pick up women and how you can keep the flirting going.

Once you’re done watching the video and/or listening to the podcast, send me a note. I’d love feedback on how they worked for you. Try out my tips and post a comment on how they worked for you. Thanks again for your question.

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