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04/18/13
Dear Dr. Frankie,
Lesbians are known to be extremely relationship focused. I have yet to go on a first or second date with a woman where she does not mention her past relationships. It's a big generalization, but with heterosexual dating people don't talk about their exes for quite some time, and definitely not as extensively as lesbians do. At what point should you mention exes, and to what degree? —Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
I think people often find it tempting to discuss one’s relationship history because it’s something most people can relate to. Many of us have had our fair share of relationship follies, some more comical than others, and it can be a way to share similar experiences. My suggestion would be to hold off on trading...
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02/22/13
Dear Dr. Frankie
I came out about a year ago - although I had realized for almost a year that I was at least bisexual. I've had two relationships with girls, the first was before I came out and it was very unhealthy. I tried to make a few lesbian friends last year and I ended up getting into a relationship with the first girl I met. Five months into the relationship I felt her slipping away and it ended a month later. She never talked to me and I felt that the problems we had could have been worked out. I thought everything could be solved by conversation and compromise. This was the first healthy - and longest - relationship I have ever had. I truly feel like she is the one I'm meant to be with. It's been six months since we've split and I still keep thinking of...
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01/23/13
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I am 60 and I have never come out, I have never had a relationship with a woman…I am a lesbian, but have been holding myself back. How do I meet a woman who will understand and help me. I am embarrassed to even tell people this about me. Help please.
Dear Embarrassed,
Kudos to you for reaching out, that’s a bold step! Take heart, it’s never too late to live your most honest and authentic life. No matter how scary, overwhelming or embarrassing you think it is, you owe it to yourself. Here is a universal piece of advice that applies to almost anyone under almost any circumstance...remember that most of what we fear almost never becomes reality. There are certainly women out there that will admire your courage for coming out later in life....
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11/19/12
Hi Dr. Frankie,
I'm currently single and putting myself out there in the dating scene. My problem is that I can't seem to find the type of women I'm interested in. I'm looking for someone professional and well rounded. Not sure if that makes sense but I think the best way I can describe it is I work as a financial analyst, I love to work out, I'm financially responsible, I have a graduate degree, strong values and I don't fancy any drugs (except for the occasional drink in a social setting). I find that the majority of the women I date aren't settled and really don't know what they want to do with their lives. This makes me think I need to find women with a...
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10/01/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I tend to have an obsessive personality and get clingy whenever I have a crush or am infatuated with someone. I can't help myself, and it just takes over, even when I know I'm starting to smother people. Right now, I am in love with a singer-song writer I met through a friend. She is super friendly and affectionate, and welcomes me with hugs. Every time I go her concerts I try to hang around her as much as I can, and record all of her songs with my phone. I can sense that I'm starting to become a little much, but I don't know what to do. I don't want her to freak out and push me away, but on the other hand, I hang on to every bit of attention from her - what can I say, I just want to be loved. Of course, she's straight and has a boyfriend....
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09/04/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
We never got to meet at the resent WW event but I feel like I know what you would say anyway. I've read everything you’ve written and I have listened to all your broadcasts. I recently ran into a dyke I met on OK Cupid two years ago. Initially she blew me off because I was too young, but this time she made a beeline to say hello. We are both single. I had no hesitation about whether to go out with her, like I have had with this other woman I am sort of seeing but not so sure about. The OK Cupid woman came out in high school, loves women and has never doubted her sexuality. Her family is accepting and totally supports her. She's intelligent, well groomed, and loves her job as a social worker/life coach. The other woman came out late in life and...
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07/31/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
One thing that I consistently see in the lesbian world is short lived relationships. I come from a world where my parents have been together for 52 years, have friends and siblings who have been together for 20 plus years, and really value lifelong commitments. My beef is that it seems that those are few and far in between in our community and would like to know why that is the case. Also, it would be interesting to learn how we as a community could do a better job of having said lifelong commitments. —Underwhelmed by Romance
Dear Underwhelmed,
I hear and agree with your frustrations. This is obviously a complex question with a more complex answer. Relationship failure is not unique to the gay community as heterosexual divorce rate is also climbing....
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06/19/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I became very good friends with a gal from work. (She is 45 and I am 58). We became very close and were both recovering from nasty breakups. My break up was from a girlfriend of 10 years, and hers was a breakup with her wife of 15 yrs. I have been single now for almost 3 years and she has been single for 1 1/2 years. Her ex is a doctor with a very dominating, controlling personality. This gal lives on her own and is trying to cope with raising her children, and dealing with her ex. About 3 months into our friendship she kissed me and things progressed slowly from there. We have now been very involved for about the last nine months. We are very deeply intimate, love hanging out with each other, and live separately. She has been clear with me from the first kiss...
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05/25/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I’ve been dating a great woman for a few months. I think we might have some long term potential but there are two major problems. She won’t stop talking about herself! I feel my eyes glaze over and try to redirect the conversation but it inevitably circles back to her. She is also insanely competitive with me. I adore her but this is a total drag—help!
Dear Reluctant Competitor,
This is a complaint I have heard before in lesbian couples. I suggest bringing your concern out into the open. Not talking about it won’t make it go away. Explain to her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and rather than encouraging sharing and dialogue, it actually shuts you down. Jealousy and unhealthy competition is toxic and will destroy a relationship....
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04/11/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I have been "taking it slow" for a month and a half with a girl that was previously my friend. Several months ago she got out of a seven-year relationship; I know she still has feelings for her ex. She also slept with another close friend almost two moths ago. She used to always tell me she wants to be with me, but she treats the other girl she slept with like a princess compared to me. She recently got evicted and is living with her ex. She doesn't talk to me as often as she used to, and we live two hours away from each other. Ever since her best friend kept pushing her to ask me out she's been pushing me away. I know she has a lot on her mind right now with the eviction, but she can't tell me if she still wants to be with me or not. She...
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