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04/11/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I have been "taking it slow" for a month and a half with a girl that was previously my friend. Several months ago she got out of a seven-year relationship; I know she still has feelings for her ex. She also slept with another close friend almost two moths ago. She used to always tell me she wants to be with me, but she treats the other girl she slept with like a princess compared to me. She recently got evicted and is living with her ex. She doesn't talk to me as often as she used to, and we live two hours away from each other. Ever since her best friend kept pushing her to ask me out she's been pushing me away. I know she has a lot on her mind right now with the eviction, but she can't tell me if she still wants to be with me or not. She...
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02/28/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I fell totally in love with a married but confused woman who rocked my world and tipped my boat. We are both in our 50s and we met about a year ago. During our time together I learned some things about her marriage and the way her husband treated her that were really hard to hear. Her parents raised her to value material objects and financial security. She put everything she had into her marriage. Last year she told me that her marriage was over and she had already told her husband. I was really surprised to hear this. In August she told me she was filing for divorce. I learned the day after she filed for divorce she fell and broke her back. Shortly after her fall she severed ties with me. I have never been hurt like this before. The really disappointing thing is...
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01/30/12
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I had a sneaking suspicion for the past year that my partner of 11 years was having an affair. I finally convinced her to go to couples therapy because I felt the distance between us growing. My partner eventually admitted having a two-year affair with a close friend of ours. Can I ever trust her again? Does this mean her character is so flawed that she is incapable of having a monogamous relationship? My world is shattered and I don’t know if my marriage is salvageable and beyond that I don’t even know if I want to salvage it. —Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
Eleven years is quite a significant amount of time. If the relationship was happy and fulfilling prior to the past several years my advice is not to make any immediate decisions about...
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12/27/11
Dear Dr. Frankie,
My partner and I have been together for two years now. She is wonderful and we are compatible in every way but one and unfortunately it’s a big one. I was raised as an Orthodox Jew and she was raised as a devout Baptist. Although I don’t go to synagogue as often as I should, I’m deeply attached to my culture and feel strongly that my (future) children be raised Jewish. My partner goes to church on Sunday and is very close to her religion. We both want kids and she wants to raise her child as a Baptist. Aside from this very important but difficult issue of religion we are great together. Can we overcome this? I’m feeling more and more anxiety about it as time goes on.
Dear Hoping to avoid a schism,
It sounds as if your...
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11/18/11
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I've been single for about three years, and I'm not sure how to date or even talk to girls. I'm 20 and I've been out for a while, but I stumbled into my first two relationships, which were both with friends. I've never been on an actual date, and I'm not really sure how to approach girls. Girls never really approach me because I look “straight." I'm too afraid to talk to girls on my college campus because I live in a very conservative southern town. I've tried my college's Gay-Straight Alliance and online dating websites to meet people; but I either don't find anyone I find attractive/interesting enough to pursue, or they live several states away. And in the realm of online dating I never really get messages from...
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10/24/11
Dear Dr. Frankie,
It has been about 6 months since my partner of 18 years left me for another woman—twice. Right before she left she admitted to me that she had not been in love with me for the past four years because she was in love with this other woman. Needless to say my self-esteem took a major hit and I am trying to rebuild my shattered life. Unfortunately, I only have one person I can sort of talk to. She is straight and very religious so obviously she doesn’t understand my feelings at all. My ex was jealous and never wanted me to have friends. I am currently living in Tennessee where the gay population is limited especially for a 40-year-old. Since I don't have friends or family here I find it very difficult to move on. Eventually I would like to move near...
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09/23/11
Dear Dr. Frankie,
How much do alcohol and drugs affect a relationship? What do alcohol and drugs symbolize both in individuals and in relationships? What is the best way to approach this issue? Is this a concern for both people irrespective of the frequency of use? Is past usage and consumption an indicator of the present and the future?
Dear Concerned,
These are complicated questions and the answers vary dramatically depending upon the individuals involved, their drug use history, and their genetics. As I answer this question please keep in mind that when I mention “drugs” I am also referring to alcohol. There is a tremendous problem in our LGBT community of alcohol abuse.
As many people know, studies show that genetics play an important role in how the body...
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08/29/11
Dear Dr. Frankie, In November, 2010 I met a woman who I began dating and spending a lot of time with. We talked about moving in together after dating about a year. Suddenly in February she stopped calling me and wouldn't answer or return my calls. After a week of this she finally told me she should never have started a relationship because she wasn't ready. Her partner of 8 years had died about a year ago. So we decided to stay in touch and be friends, but I was so in love with her it was impossible for me. We didn’t talk for two months, then out of the blue she texted me because she was moving. From that day forward we talked everyday, I told her how I felt about her but all she would say is that she cares about me and that we should take things slow and just see how it goes....
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08/05/11
Dear Dr. FrankieI'm single now and it's been less than a month since my last girlfriend and I broke up. I am just coming back into my Self and feeling happy again: I'm cleaning house, working out, finishing personal projects, redecorating, and enjoying my friends. I am already starting to get those urges to look around and flirt. I know myself and it would be so easy to jump back into something new. I am already getting offers and new crushes are very entertaining and fun for me. But here is the thing. I want to stay single long enough to make some progress on those personal goals, feel more empowered and confident, and take care of business. I don't want to feel that I need another person to be happy. I also would like to be more careful the next time around. I don't want to jump in or...
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07/08/11
Dear Dr. Frankie,I recently had a breakdown at my doctor’s office for my annual pap smear exam and she suggested I seek help. That is very difficult considering I'm in the military and the records they keep. I was abused when I was about 5 or 6, and ever since then I find it very difficult to connect with people and express my emotions. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I can count the number of dates I've been on one hand. I find it embarrassing that at my age I've never had a physical relationship (yes I’ve never had sex) and that I've barely even kissed a girl. Most don’t know because its embarrassing, and no one would want to date someone who has no idea what they’re doing and has this much baggage. I find it impossible for me to approach someone...
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