Well winter is finally coming to an end. Phew, that was a long one-
This polar vortex is tricky. The temps went up into the 50’s and then back to freezing again. It was more like the Bi-Polar vortex. I read a lot this winter. I even ordered a book from Amazon that was delivered to my house, via a drone. Yes, they are using drones to make deliveries. It looked like a flying outdoor barbeque. Amazon also recommends books for you based on your purchasing history. Do you know what they recommended for me? Depression for Dummies. Hey, I was looking at my codependency issues. There should be a book, Codependency for Lesbians.
I put on a few extra lbs during this bi-polar vortex as well. It goes right to my hips – Oh yeah I have the ubiquitous muffin tops – I really can’t fully get rid of them. I go to the gym and take the free classes, body blast, which isn’t really a blast. I mostly play racquetball. So one day a friend takes a picture of me playing and upon closer inspection, I realized my muffin tops have now moved to my back.
I hear, women’s bodies are basically two shapes; the apple or the pear – Apples have the round gut and Pears have the round bottom – and to make things even worse, pears have a tougher time with memory. But it could work to your benefit; if you are a pear and you forget someone’s name or birthday – you can be, “I’m sorry but I am a pear and I just can’t remember diddleee squat – so don’t bust my pears.”
I’m not in LA, land of the skinny, anymore, where you have to maintain your junior high weight at all times. I had a model friend Emesh, who was so skinny; oh she ate like a bird. Do you know these women? She ate like a bird. She acted like a bird. Every restaurant we went to, she slammed right into the windows. Crazy skinny. I can’t pretend that it is just fine to go to the doctor and have my fat removed surgically. People do a multitude of things to get rid of unwanted fat. Suck it out, staples, tuck it, wire it, synch it shut, and now there is a new way – it is called cool-sculpting – they take some sort of a metal instrument and they put it on the unwanted fat area and then freeze those specific fat cells and when they thaw out, the body naturally flushes them away. Wow, I’m thinking, now you can actually freeze your ass off.
You can catch my shows with The Queer Queens of Qomedy
- March 23rd at The Kuumbwa Jazz Center
- March 30th at The Rrazz Room New Hope PA.
- April 12th at The University of Missouri
- April 13th at The Mayne Stage in Chicago IL.