Take Me To Paradise

Rub me the right way.


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Well, I am off on a cruise with Olivia to Tahiti. What? Yes, Tahiti. The trip of a lifetime. I know what you are thinking: “Are you bringing your girlfriend?”  Nope.  I mean we’re good, but we are not that good. She would literally have to share me with 300 lesbians and that is not easy to do. I have been in this lesbian dating game since 1977. 

I have had more partners, shoot, I could start a law firm. Casten, Ingram, Hersch and Hill. I’ve had well over two dozen and yes, I had a very young one once, and I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I was looking for a junior partner. 

The young ones are fun, but there is not much to talk about. I mean I had to ask her to watch the History Channel so we could have an interesting conversation. 

But I’ve had butch and I’ve had femme and neither one likes to share me with other women. Hey, this is my job. They don’t get it. It’s not like I am sleeping with them. I am just being available to stop what I am doing and do what they are doing for a while. You know, stop and chat or play a game of tennis, or go with them to lunch, or whatever. 

My current girlfriend is NEWLY Gay. Yes, she has had the kids, a husband and now has seen the light, or the rainbow. And yes, I get the toaster-oven.  She has all these wifely tendencies; like she wants to cook for me and do my laundry and I gotta admit, I have a tendency to take advantage of that. The ten-year difference between us isn’t really a factor, because she is a mother, and that made her a caring, nurturing and self sacrificing person, something that some of us pure, gold-star, barren lesbians never learned about. 

And sexually, OMG she is voracious. And why not? She has a real connection now. When I first came out, I remember staying in bed making love for 14 hours. So it makes sense that Tammy is at that stage; the only problem with my being ten years older is some of the side effects. 

For instance, now we can be having sex and all of a sudden I will be like, “Ouch, ouch.  I’ve got a leg cramp!” Or I will be on top and doing great then all of a sudden I have to stop because of carpal tunnel. “Sorry, old tennis injury hon. Gotta take a rain check.” She is like, “Oh no you don’t!” She is a multitasker and she just rubs out my cramps and keeps on kissing me. She’s a keeper. So if we are still together in a year or two, I think I will take her to Tahiti since she always takes me to paradise.  

 

Poppy will be with her Queer Queens of Qomedy:

Sept 18th at The Hartford Funnybone with Julie Goldman

Sept 21st at The Kuumbwa Jazz Center in Santa Cruz, CA with Mimi Gonzalez and Sandra Valls

 

Visit Poppy Online 

Queer Queens of Qomedy

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The Queer Queens of Qomedy

About This Blog

Poppy Champlin is a veteran comic who is crackerjack at improvising with her audience.  A Graduate of the University of Rhode Island with a BFA in Theatre – Poppy hit the ground running.  She hit Chicago and trained at Second City Training Center while performing and honing her craft of standup at comedy clubs such as Catch a Rising Star, The Improv, The Funny Firm and Zanies.  Her Television credits include: The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Joan Rivers Show, Rosie O’Donnell’s VH-1 – Comedy Central, Showtime and LOGO to name a few.  Poppy is also a producer of her own all lesbian touring comedy show called The Queer Queens of Qomedy. A regular performer in P-Town, and on Olivia cruises Poppy now resides in Rhode Island. 

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