On Loving Both Butches And Femmes

It's OK to go both ways, but there is no laughing in S&M.


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The ultimate butch-femme duo from the movie Bound.

 

 

 

I like women, butch women and femme women, so I guess I am a bisexual within the lesbian community. Can I get a letter in our now extremely long inclusive anagram? Maybe a “C” for confused.  

Because it is confusing to me that I am equally attracted to both ends of the spectrum of lesbians. I can get turned on by a hottie and I can get turned on by a butchy. What is a Gemini to do?

 

Song sung to the tune of Java Jive:

I like butches I like femmes I like all those wacky lesbians – butches and femmes I’m at it again a cop a pop a top a lesbian.

I like femmes cause they’re so hot, I like the butches and their short hair cuts – the butches and femmes I’ll top you and then – I’ll flip I’ll flop I’ll flip I’ll flop I’ll flip...

 

I like butches 'cause you can trick them into doing things for you. Example: I could be like, “Hey honey, I was going to fix that plant hanger thingy, but I couldn’t find my Phillips head screw driver.” She’d be like, “Oh come on, let me see, get out of the way, I have my drill, let me get that.” Buzz – Drill - Zzzzz- all done.  I’m all cutesy, “Thank you.”

But the femmes, you can ask them to do a belly dance for you and they actually will. I love that. Just sit there like a Persian King and let them dance in front of you, all sexy. Yowsa yowsa – that is hot. Ask a butch to do a belly dance, and you get to see her muffin tops jiggle as she walks away towards her motorcycle.

I need a woman who is equally 2 parts butch, 2 parts femme, like me.  So we can switch the roles of sex initiator and sex receiver fluidly – we need to be lesbian pansexuals, and do it in the kitchen up against the wall and bang those pots and pans.

I love Orange is the New Black  – it portrays the whole spectrum of lesbians in prison. I think that is like TV crack for lesbians.  You can’t stop watching it and when you do stop, you want to have hot prison sex with your lover. Crazy Eyes actually got an Emmy for her portrayal of Crazy Eyes. She was also cast in the television special "The Wiz" and she was dressed up as the Good Witch of the North and I expected her to say to Dorothy, “Just click your mutha fuckin heels, bitch!” Is that too harsh?

I think I am into S&M, not much, just a little, just tie me up and go get me some coffee. I’m not hard core. I once went to an S&M dungeon party in Los Angeles. There were people in cages, on tilt-a-wheels being flogged and we were stoned, so we were laughing, a lot, and making jokes about it all. Suddenly the dominatrix came over and chided us saying, “There is no laughing in S&M.” Of course we busted out laughing as we were being tossed out.

 


Poppy Champlin will be performing at:

March 5th Pittsburgh Cruze Bar - More Information
March 6th Magooby’s Joke House - More Information

March 12th The Michigan LGBT Comedy Fest -  More Information

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The Queer Queens of Qomedy

About This Blog

Poppy Champlin is a veteran comic who is crackerjack at improvising with her audience.  A Graduate of the University of Rhode Island with a BFA in Theatre – Poppy hit the ground running.  She hit Chicago and trained at Second City Training Center while performing and honing her craft of standup at comedy clubs such as Catch a Rising Star, The Improv, The Funny Firm and Zanies.  Her Television credits include: The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Joan Rivers Show, Rosie O’Donnell’s VH-1 – Comedy Central, Showtime and LOGO to name a few.  Poppy is also a producer of her own all lesbian touring comedy show called The Queer Queens of Qomedy. A regular performer in P-Town, and on Olivia cruises Poppy now resides in Rhode Island. 

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