Heating The House In New England

Looking for some good wood.


Published:

I have a wood stove in the basement, and when that is cranking, the house is toasty warm and the pipes in the cellar don’t freeze and I actually have radiant heat in the floor in my bathroom.  

This year finding two to three cords of seasoned firewood became tense.  There is a shortage in RI and so I actually had to go on Craig’s list to find some.  It was like a dating sight. I started to feel like a pervert.  Typing to a total stranger,  – “Hi, I am looking for some good wood.  Can I see your wood?  Can you send me a picture? Can you deliver your wood?”  Oh yeah he can deliver.  Then once I was engaged with a seller I had to ask, “how big are your pieces?” – “I can’t handle them to big or too long or too fat I need 16 inches to fit in my oven.”  Then it becomes like a drug deal.  “How will I know if it is the good stuff? I want a full cord and properly seasoned” I was haggling on the price – He wants the money up front I want the wood in my hand before I will give him the money.  I don’t want shake, I want good hard Oak and Maple.  This was so difficult, plus I am aware of the emissions a wood stove produces and I don’t want to contribute to the Ozone layer being destroyed. I don’t want my carbon footprint to be too large – but we gotta stay warm. 

Here is my Ozone song – sung to the tune there’s a bump on the log on the bog in the hole at the bottom of the sea. 

There’s a hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s a hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s a hole, there’s a hole, there’s a hole in the middle of the sky.

 

There’s a radiation beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s a radiation beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s a radiation beam there’s a radiation beam there’s a radiation beam in the sky

 

There’s cancer on your face from the radiation beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s cancer on your face from the radiation beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

There’s cancer, there’s cancer, there’s caner on your face.

You can’t get a date cause there's cancer on your face from the radition beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky

You can’t get a date cause there’s cancer on your face from the radiation beam in the hole in the ozone layer in the middle of the sky.

You can’t get a date you can’t get a date you can’t get a date tonight.

 

Poppy is at The Village in Providence RI January 8th 2016

www.poppychamplin.com

Edit ModuleEdit Module
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Related Articles

Fans Continue To Protest Gypsy Cancellation

Why fans want Netflix series "Gypsy" to return.

Inspiring Ottawa

Canada’s capital celebrated its 150th birthday this year and proudly celebrates its diversity, inclusion and cultural achievements.

Best 15 Quotes From Bi Female Celebs

Our favorite empowering quotes from boss bi women.

NPR Report: Discrimination Against LGBTQ Americans Still High

Analyzing the experiences of LGBTQ Americans.

Add your comment:
Edit ModuleShow Tags


Comedy Corner

The Queer Queens of Qomedy

About This Blog

Poppy Champlin is a veteran comic who is crackerjack at improvising with her audience.  A Graduate of the University of Rhode Island with a BFA in Theatre – Poppy hit the ground running.  She hit Chicago and trained at Second City Training Center while performing and honing her craft of standup at comedy clubs such as Catch a Rising Star, The Improv, The Funny Firm and Zanies.  Her Television credits include: The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Joan Rivers Show, Rosie O’Donnell’s VH-1 – Comedy Central, Showtime and LOGO to name a few.  Poppy is also a producer of her own all lesbian touring comedy show called The Queer Queens of Qomedy. A regular performer in P-Town, and on Olivia cruises Poppy now resides in Rhode Island. 

Recent Posts

Categories

Archives

Feed

Atom Feed Subscribe to the Comedy Corner Feed »

Edit ModuleShow Tags