Why Your Long-Term Relationship Needs A Hiatus
Six reasons why your relationship needs a break before you decide to end it.
Stigma or not, lesbians have the tendency to hop onto the U-Haul wagon fairly quickly and more often than not, these relationships tend to last for years. First dates turn into seven, house keys are exchanged and personal lives are sacrificed to compensate for the lifestyle of becoming monogamous housemates. Before you know it, it's been five years and daily arguments revolve around dishes and laundry. But just before you decide to give it all up, maybe you should consider a hiatus and this is why:
1. The relationship is no longer a top priority:
It's common to find yourself constantly focusing on external factors in life such as work, finances and family, which can negatively impact your relationship. To maintain a respectful relationship you have to focus on both yourself and your partner in order to make it work. Taking a hiatus can help you take a step back to re-evaluate your priorities. Sometimes something has to give to make it work.
2. Personal space has been invaded:
After time, “What's mine is yours”, becomes the motto and you feel as if everything in your life must be shared, including time. From clothing and pillows to cars and bank accounts, you no longer own what is just yours. This lack of sole propriety can be extremely deprecating and leave you feeling trapped. If nothing else, going on a break can allow for you to feel that time is yours and help you to gain insight of what can and should be solely yours.
3. Lack of control:
You might not be controlled in an abusive manner, but that doesn't mean that you don't feel as if you have lost all control of your life and decisions. During your single years you could do whatever you wanted without consulting a second party. You chose which show to watch on Netflix, where to get takeout and which friends were going to come over for Ben and Jerry's on a late night. When you enter a relationship, decisions are made jointly and unfortunately, you won't always agree with your partner. Allowing yourself time apart can give you a sense of self-control and the liberty to make your own decisions.
4. You've lost respect:
Whether you have lost respect for yourself or for your partner, it is important that you gain it back. We often find ourselves sinking into the zone of comfort and no longer seeing the need to be respectful for one another and ourselves. Lacking respect for your partner can create sentiments of frustration, exhaustion and even lead to questioning of the relationship. A step back may be just what you need to allow yourself time and space to consider all of the reasons you respect yourself and your partner.
5. Your sex life could use a boost:
Not everyone suffers from the lesbian deathbed but let's be honest, our busy lives have a habit of consuming all of our free time. Five times a week becomes five times a month and by the end of the year the only thing intimacy encompasses is a peck on the lips before you leave for work in the morning. Time apart allows for you and your partner to regain sexual desire, crave lust and build excitement. By taking a hiatus, feelings that once sparked in the beginning of the relationship are easily rediscovered.
6. You're still madly in love:
It's nearly unheard of that someone falls out of love over night. Time, hard work and trust have been engraved into the relationship and letting go is easier said than done. Just because the tension is there, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's time to give up on your partner. Unfortunately life isn't easy and neither are relationships. Consider taking the time spent arguing on time spent away or a weekend expedition to clear your mind and center yourself. This time apart can open your eyes to a greater understanding of why you fell in love with your partner in the first place and result in rekindling the relationship you've been striving for all along.