The Big Move-In

You’re way too messy, she’s way too neat and you’re moving in together!


Credit: Anete Lusina


Most of us reading this will probably be rolling our eyes and groaning, because we know a certain woman….or because WE are that certain woman. Don’t worry, the struggle is real—but so are the many different ways we can deal with it.


Here are five tips that I hope will help if you and your partner are posterdykes for this topic:


1: Try it on for size first.

That’s right, don’t you dare do that second date UHaul thing then find yourself saying what the WHAAAAT?”

I say you spend some time, quite a bit of time at her place to see and determine how you move forward. Not a couple hours hanging out but a long weekend, several long weekends in fact. See, most people will make an effort to clean the house for a guest; but when this guest becomes someone who’s almost always there, then they feel more comfortable with you seeing the place in disarray.

In today’s world, the modern woman has a busy ass life, she doesn’t have time to stay home and dust and wipe and clean daily. She grabs her purse and cell phone and dashes out the door early in the morning. Several hours later she drags herself back through the door post-rush hour traffic and crashes instantly. On weekends she just wanna do fun stuff, or not do any stuff and just laze around in her pjs eating takeout and Netflixing. So you can see how cleaning might find itself off the to-do list altogether.


If you live a similar life it’s easier to understand, if you don’t then try to understand. Maybe tidying up together is more fun because well...two hands are better than one and the work will be done faster. On the other hand, you’re probably not about to help clean up a mess you didn’t make. That’s ok too, as long as you’re honest from the get-go. Remember you probably can’t change her and if you try then there goes the relationship.


2: Don’t just clean up after her all the time!

I say this because I’ve done this and I kinda still do it sometimes. If you’re a neat person then you get it. Sometimes it’s just easier to clean the apartment when she’s not there. Rearrange her closet, vacuum the poor carpet that’s so dirty it’s coughing up hairballs. OMG was that a film of dust on the film of dust on the tv? To think all this time you simply thought the video quality of Stranger Things was poor! But let’s face it, if we keep doing it because it’s easier, before we know it, it’s gonna be a thing. You’ll just be the one who cleans up and she’ll be the one who…...well she’ll be the one who lets you clean up. If this whole love, sex, and relationship thing is really about compromise then she should be a willing participant. She should at least try even if she really doesn’t want to.


3: Don’t go all Sheldon Cooper everytime she leaves a couch cushion positioned the wrong way!

Picture this: She gets up to go fetch more popcorn and you immediately put the cushion back the way it was before she sat down. One of her fuzzy house shoes is lying on top of the other so you quickly put them side by side. Oh and don’t forget to straighten those coasters, can’t have that bottle of beer touching the coffee table surface. Annoying, right? OCD is a thing I know this, but be careful not to become overbearing. You’re gonna be living together and she will notice this. Maybe she will call you her beautiful OCD-Sheldon Cooper-meets-Monk wife and laugh about it. Maybe she won’t make a big deal but secretly she wishes you’d not do that constantly. Or she could just blow up and tell you she’s perfectly happy to keep living separately. Zats no good, zats no good at all!


The moral of this article? Let your woman be messy sometimes, after all, a little mess ain’t never hurt nobody. Right? Seriously I’m asking, I wouldn’t know. *loudly whispers* I’m a neat freak!


4: You both MUST make an effort to compromise…. I know (insert eyeroll) but do it for love.

I hope that’s self-explanatory. You both try to do better, if you really want to live with your partner then it shouldn’t be so hard. For example; when she does great at keeping things in order, tell her. I mean you tell her when it’s the opposite so why not? The same way she should let you know how much she appreciates you being so great about not having the house spic-and-span 24/7.

Now that’s what I call doing it for love.


5: A messy house is always better than a messy relationship.

True dat. It’s not worth arguing constantly or ruining your relationship over. Designate a time to clean, a time when you’re not both tired and run down. The few precious hours before the start of another grueling work week is probably not the best time. Personally I always feel better about cleaning when I have another day left to spare, another day to hang out with my partner and just be. If you can afford it then perhaps hiring a cleaning person once a week is a great solution.


All of this, of course, is a life together without kids or pets, comment if you’d like to read more about The Big Move-In with babies and/fur babies.


Feel free to check out my other articles at



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